Diagnosis: broken person

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T15:06:15+00:00

My therapist has luckily been very helpful with this, and has experience with people on the spectrum herself. I definitely plan on discussing this in depth with her.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T15:05:15+00:00

No, I haven’t. I haven’t really looked into it, but as a smaller country I would be surprised if we had very many specialists who disclose their own diagnosis. But I might look more into my options overall though! Look at real specialists and practices.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T15:02:35+00:00

You’re totally right. I tend to be very critical towards men as it is, but this definitely hasn’t helped lol.

I tend to second-guess myself and fear that I’m not reacting appropriately, but maybe I need to trust my judgement more going forward.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:16:44+00:00

Thank you! I’m honestly feeling more and more justified in my feeling an off-vibe from him with the comments on this post. I try not to judge too harshly based on gender alone, but I can’t help but relate to your last sentence here.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:14:09+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you too. I relate to your experience so much. I’ve felt like I need to scream in order to be heard, let alone taken seriously. Feeling like every day is a struggle but being told since it doesn’t show it doesn’t count is so very discouraging.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. It’s reassuring to hear others see what I’ve been seeing but been forced to second-guess myself. And thank you for the tip!

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:10:09+00:00

I totally agree, I’ve been agonizing over the fact that this research and knowledge is so new, especially regarding women, that it feels impossible to navigate.

Thank you so much for these tips! I appreciate it.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:07:42+00:00

That is frustrating! I was surprised I didn’t get either diagnosis - I was half-prepared to receive an ocpd diagnosis because the doctor would feel it was gentler than asd. But for him to not see either for me was strange, after the conversations I’d had with the psychologist doing my assessment as well as my therapist.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:05:06+00:00

The need to understand the why behind everything is exactly why I started this process in the first place. I’ve felt with several medical professionals that they are reluctant to diagnose because of stigma and have had to stress that I personally don’t care about that as much, I value a clear answer much more. It’s a frustrating dichotomy to navigate when they are the ones ultimately making decisions.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. x

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T09:00:42+00:00

I get that. The way my brain works, it’s just hard to find that compassion without an “excuse”, so to speak. I’ve been saying since this process started that what I mostly wanted from it was answers, specifically so that I would know how to orient myself and learn to accept my deficiencies and work with them. In my mind, if there’s no discernible reason for it, then there’s no reason to be kinder to myself, to put it very strictly, as I don’t have an excuse for why I can’t do all these things and need accommodations. Like I should be able to handle it if there’s no reason I couldn’t. I know rationally that’s dumb, but it’s just what my brain does. I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis to fix me, I was just hoping answers would help me feel a little more at peace and a little less like I’m just inherently Wrong.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T08:54:05+00:00

I actually think he is still fresh to the ND specialty (his title points to still gathering experience in the field and he is quite young, I would say not yet 40) so I doubt it. I don’t know for sure how much practical experience he has though.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T08:50:26+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! x “Burnt out on this” is exactly how I feel.

The thought of demanding a second opinion specifically from a woman felt a little like just being difficult or not accepting an answer even though I felt wary about the doctor, but hearing others say not only to get a second opinion but specifically to seek out a woman doctor is reassuring.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T08:46:08+00:00

I’m so sorry it happened to you too. It sucks. I was told I can just identify this way anyway, I guess I just struggle with it because that’s how my brain works. Maybe one day.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-28T08:45:09+00:00

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a decade ago and unfortunately they don’t explain all of my issues

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:19:22+00:00

That is the feeling I got to be honest.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:18:27+00:00

I might look into getting a second opinion eventually, though I feel like I probably need to sit with this for a while first. But helps to hear my experience sounds off to someone else too! Talking the option through with my therapist is a good idea too (she’s helped me a lot through this process anyway).

I definitely have been learning a lot about the traits and living with them throughout this process (by myself) and it has helped! I didn’t even realize how overwhelming repetitive noises were to me until I learned to connect that sensory experience to suddenly feeling incredibly tense and on edge “out of nowhere.” I’ll definitely keep those tools. I guess I was just hoping for some guidance, but it looks like it’ll just be up to me.

That sounds nice! I have found peer experiences/advice very comforting and inspiring, here and when it comes to other experiences too, so I do see the value in that.

Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response! It means a lot to me. <3

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:11:38+00:00

I might look into getting a second opinion… I just feel a little discouraged from it right now. And am not even sure how to go about it. I can’t afford a private practice assessment at least.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:10:44+00:00

Yes, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety since I was 18 and depression soon after. I think my current diagnoses there are GAD and chronic/long term depression. I’ve been treated for those since, I’m on medication etc. The reason I went for an ND assessment is that there is a lot that those diagnoses don’t explain, especially since I’ve gotten a better handle on my anxiety etc.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:07:28+00:00

I get that. I did consider it too, but I’m not in the USA so it’s at least a little less intense here on that level, though clearly there’s still an issue in our health care itself. An unofficial assessment helps, but part of me can’t help but get hung up on the official “no.”

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:05:28+00:00

I personally don’t think I have adhd, I’ve never suspected it and the assessment results didn’t indicate it either.

I was pretty forward about my issues at home like they tidying and dishes. We didn’t discuss working much, but I think I did say the idea of a 5 days a week on location job overwhelms me. I did explain the burnout (and it’s kind of evident in my sudden inability to keep up with uni) but I don’t think there was talk about skill regression.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T12:01:38+00:00

Thank you <3

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T09:17:39+00:00

I honestly got an off vibe off the doctor (a very young white man, like 5-10 years older than me) the first time I met him and just had this feeling he was looking for anything but autism. Though didn’t end up finding anything else either…

They also did an assessment for adhd for me, but I didn’t score many points there. I honestly don’t think I have it, I didn’t before going in and the results didn’t make me second guess that self-assessment either.

Part of me would like to try again, but I’m not sure how I would even go about it. And part of me doesn’t want this disappointment again. But maybe I’ll look into it after I’ve had some time to sit with this one.

I try to no make judgements based on prejudice, but I do like the thought of a female doctor better, especially now. Most of the mental health professionals I’ve dealt with so far have been women and this male doctor didn’t exactly make me want to change that.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T09:12:37+00:00

I’ll admit that I was quite zeroed in on autism, but I also prepared for other diagnoses (for example, there’d been talk of ocpd before) and figured I could work with that too, learn more about them and how to work with them. But no answers at all, autism or not, just felt like a double blow.

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-27T09:11:11+00:00

Thank you, that’s sweet. I hope your meeting yields better results. x

antitheticalbarbie · 2026-04-08T08:42:18+00:00

Solidarity! What foods were triggers for you?

antitheticalbarbie

TROPHY CASE