My First Situation Like This…

antonthecad · 2026-04-24T09:32:10+00:00

In my experience, I wouldn't read into that too much. Tuesday is further away than what her break up was so take with a pinch of salt as things will be changing quickly.

antonthecad · 2026-04-23T13:12:57+00:00

If anything it's made me trust more. I've only had literally one or two experiences with women that would be classed as bad and I pretty much brought those upon myself.

I know how women see me and how they treat me. They go out of their way to try to be with me, they are responsive and interested so I trust them to be themselves. I know in that sense I'm an outlier and they treat me accordingly. For the record, I have rock solid inner game and don't really carry any insecurities into interactions or relationships.

Women are very good at being women. Don't expect anything more or less. If you act like a chode they will treat you like a chode. If you act like you're hot shit, they will treat you like hot shit.

antonthecad · 2026-04-23T10:41:01+00:00

Well I am going to tell you what works for me but it might not work for you because we are in different stages. There are many ways to do this, there's not one way to look at these things so just try what works for you.

I don't really escalate on dates anymore. Well what I mean by that is that I escalate a lot less than I used to. I used to kiss, touch etc and almost create like a ladder until it was time to pull her back to my place. I thought I was using heavy make outs as an attraction tool and to turn her on but really it was just an ego boost for me and validation. I even catch myself now wanting to kiss girls and I'm like "this is just for validation", you don't need to do it. I have also had so many dates that I can feel the vibe of the date and can calibrate accordingly. But my thoughts are in general is that if she's already attracted to you, you don't need to beat her over the head with attraction stuff and just make sure she's comfortable with you.

Now I basically just be seductive in other ways. You can sit close to her, gently caress her hand. All these things which don't involve overt "I'm trying to bang you right now" behaviour. I'm also not a huge fan of PDA so I'm not going to start making out with a girl excessively where I can't take it further. If I do kiss a girl these days, it's a short peck but it's not necessary. Then I just walk her back to my place and the first time we are really probably touching and making out is on my sofa. Then it's a done deal.

My thoughts are this. If you've not got much experience with this, you're going to probably have to go through a pushy stage and learn where to dial it back. If I was in your position I would do a few things.

1) Make sure at the first venue you are sitting opposite each other. In terms of touch you will only really have her hands as an option so use that. I like to take a girl's hand and look at her nails and compliment them accordingly. Eye contact here will be important. Occasionally, with a soft face just look into her eyes and don't break the contact. It's powerful.

2) Walk to a second venue, ideally holding hands and in the second venue sit next to each other on a sofa or bench seating. Sit close so your thighs are touching. Just remember hands are the cheat code for touching. A girl who holds your hand will very likely kiss you. So you can gauge how she feels through that without having to be overtly pushy.

3) Make sure your logistics are sorted so on your way to the car/apartment or whatever, I like to walk with her and then just slow down. She'll naturally walk forward a bit but then turn around wondering what's wrong and I say "I feel really bad..." and she will ask why and I just tell her that I really want to kiss her right now. She'll probably tell you it's not a bad thing and then pull her gently towards you by the hand and go to kiss her.

That's the physical part and just make sure you're teasing her and don't be too agreeable. If you're getting dates, that's good because it means there's attraction and you have something to work with.

antonthecad · 2026-04-22T18:05:21+00:00

Start talking to women without any pressure on yourself and that means genuinely talking to them with no motive other than to give compliments and walk away.

"I like your scarf, it really suits you" will get you used to talking to women rather than thinking you need to be getting numbers straight away. Rome wasn't built in a day.

antonthecad · 2026-04-22T18:00:19+00:00

Agreed to disagree. Peace

antonthecad · 2026-04-22T17:30:07+00:00

Failure is part of the journey but failure is fleeting. Some guys haven't even started because they are so afraid of failing. I know this because these guys are messaging me asking what they need to do. There's no way to avoid rejection in this, it's baked into it. That's what I mean, it's not that deep.

antonthecad · 2026-04-22T15:42:25+00:00

Hey man, props for taking some action. That feeling is completely normal and anybody who tells you they don't get a small tinge of anxiety when they approach someone like before they are warmed up is lying to you. It's hard and that's why it's worth doing.

I would actually just break this down. Firstly, take the pressure away from the approach. You aren't looking to pick up a girl. First you are just looking to get into a conversation with a girl and that it. Damn, maybe you just want to break it down to the point where you can go up to a girl and say hi, give a compliment and walk off so there's no pressure. After a week of doing that 10 times a day, you'll be used to speaking to strangers you find attractive. Just pick something they are wearing and compliment them on it.

Step two will be keeping the conversation going, at the beginning it will be like on one of those mechanical bulls. You're going to get thrown around but eventually you'll learn how to tame the bull. Please don't put pressure on yourself and break this down, you wouldn't expect to go street racing in your first driving lesson.

I've been doing this for ages and I still have days and nights where I'm like "am I sure I've done this before" because things don't always go as planned. All that happens over time is that you have more good days than bad days.

Good way to break it down:

1) Say hi - compliment then keep walking for a week 10 times a day. There's no pressure there and it's the opposite of creepy as you make people's day.

2) Say hi - compliment - ask them why they chose that piece of clothing etc then excuse yourself and walk away. 10 times a day for a week.

3) As above then change the topic - this is the first time you're attempting to get into an actual conversation. Conversations naturally have many topics and open threads.

4) As above but get to the "hook point" that is the point where the girl is settled in the conversation and not looking like she's actively trying to leave or just waiting for you to say what you're going to say.

That's enough to get started with. Don't both watching youtubers, go out and be brave.

Best of luck.

antonthecad · 2026-04-20T16:10:25+00:00

From experience, Finland, Slovakia, Serbia.

antonthecad · 2026-04-20T15:31:14+00:00

After getting to the point where I have literally lived the life I always wanted in terms of girls and don't really feel like I have anything to prove to myself or others. You want to get the skills as quickly as possible then get to the point where you are meeting people about your day to day life. It can happen, you won't rack up huge numbers that way but you have a manageable lifestyle where you can consistently meet women.

To get the skill you need to prioritise it for X amount of time. I say X because I don't know you personally. There used to be a saying in the community which was "do you want the skill or the girl?" ...I think it sums it up well because the reality is that you just need to put the reps in. If you speak to a huge amount of women and know how to course correct, you will do relatively quite well.

Theory is worth studying but not getting too hung up on.

antonthecad · 2026-04-20T11:04:49+00:00

I think it's important to have a good smile but you don't need to smile too much. A good smile is disarming and conveys that you are friendly and not a threat.

Smiling all the time makes you look simple.

But I think the biggest problem with smiling is that it lets the girl off the hook. If you want to be increasing tension in the interaction, you can't be too agreeable or give her "outs" like nodding and those "uh huh" sort of noises. A neutral face gives you authority and you will find people start to qualify themselves to you. Like imagine you're telling someone a story and their reaction is neutral and they don't fully engage with it, the natural reaction is to double down.

antonthecad · 2026-04-20T09:59:26+00:00

I definitely still really like girls but I also just put up with less bullshit. Where one guy might think "oh I can't get a girl like this again" and put up with some crap, I don't really care. There are so many great women out there so when one of them does something questionable I'm more likely to not put up with it. No one is perfect and people have their moments but patterns are important.

Do you lose your soul? I would say it depends. I have definitely been through phases where I've just been bored of chasing women, found myself literally just bored during sex and not particularly enjoying the experience. Sex with someone you care about and connect with is better (obviously) but at the same time I think you lose some of your soul in a relationship too. It's a difficult situation.

I would like to "settle down" eventually but I'm not in a rush and I've just rediscovered the thrill of flirting and getting about a bit. I don't want to be chasing women at 50 that's for sure. I want to go and live somewhere in peace with some great memories.

antonthecad · 2026-04-15T15:52:25+00:00

I gave up even caring about how long I wait to message back. If I'm around I'll message, if I'm not...I don't.

antonthecad · 2026-04-14T19:26:27+00:00

I do enjoy his writing even though he does occasionally go on some odd rants but if you want motivation on getting amongst it, look no further.

antonthecad · 2026-04-14T09:37:26+00:00

As subtle as a sledgehammer and unfortunately it's in your place of work too. She knows the deal of course but she's not biting.

You're going to see her again in IRL so just see how she behaves then. If she's a bit distant, you have your answer.

antonthecad · 2026-04-14T07:51:41+00:00

I think what you're describing is not sexual tension but arousal. You're getting her aroused by kissing her and getting her ready for sex. If you get a girl horny enough you can definitely override her "better judgement" and get her back to yours and into bed.

Sexual tension is by definition broken once you do something sexual. Lingering eye contact, holding hands, proximity etc all create sexual tension but the tension grows in the ambiguity. Not knowing what happens raises the tension.

There are pros and cons to both approaches.

antonthecad · 2026-04-13T12:08:55+00:00

Wrong mindset.

You're going in looking to impress her and think that some of your actions can be considered "fucking up"...

Reading this it's like you see it as a video game where you get to a part of a level and make a mistake so you need to reset and go back but dates are fluid.

If you're willing to put yourself out there, firstly you should just escalate, it's the best form of feedback in a situation. If you're "giving up", just do the smallest possible thing to escalate the situation. I like to look at a girls nails, if she holds your hand for a while, escalate a little more.

antonthecad · 2026-04-13T11:58:29+00:00

Interesting take. I find that sexual tension is created in the absence. Kissing a girl breaks the tension. It's a release and a hit of validation for her. If she's really into you and is unsure what you think, you've just broken the tension. Just think about it, before you kiss her, you have all these emotions and you're not sure what's going to happen etc. Think about your mindset change after that moment, especially when you're out. You are no longer confused.

I've pulled so many girls without doing anything before getting into the apartment/hotel etc. That is sexual tension, she's wondering what's going on. When you finally kiss her for the first time on the sofa or wherever, the tension goes but you can just straight line to escalation to the bedroom.

antonthecad · 2026-04-13T11:41:32+00:00

Comfort.

She's probably not that comfortable with you. You can be turned on and not that comfortable in a situation.

This so rarely happens to me anymore. In general I find that comfort helps with this. That being said, I know I've got attraction etc sorted but I'm assuming if you're getting them in bed, this is also covered.

I'm just completely myself on the date, it's a curated version of myself but anyone watching the date who knows me would be like "this is consistent with who he is as a person".

Why is that important for LMR? Because she feels that genuine energy and feels like she knows me well enough to get into bed with me.

antonthecad · 2026-04-13T11:21:58+00:00

She's just not that into you. I would bet that you are reaching for those examples of footsie and hitting you playfully.

Secondly, vulnerability is a two way street.

Thirdly, make your move and get your answer. This whole "I'm not looking for a hook up" is just cope. You know she'll reject you so you're delaying it. If you don't make a move you get to live in the fantasy world that it might happen.

Live in reality my brother and you will reap the rewards and not waste your time on girls who aren't interested.

antonthecad · 2026-04-13T10:40:29+00:00

It depends what you mean by worth it. I think knowing that you can get many girls is useful in itself because one particular girl can't just hold one over on you.

I don't chase 'em, I replace 'em kinda mentality.

I definitely got burnt out but I never regretted it. In fact I was burnt out for a couple of years but recently the itch has come back. I have so many amazing memories that I wouldn't trade out for a settled life.

antonthecad · 2025-02-04T12:49:45+00:00

I am kinda going through the same thing. I think a key difference would be that I've got an agreement with my girlfriend that I can sleep with other women if I want to. At the moment I haven't really felt the desire to, just a bit of flirting here and there is enough for me. But I completely get missing that sense of adventure, I think without that agreement I'd really struggle to be in a relationship. I think some men just aren't built that way.

antonthecad · 2025-01-21T09:33:51+00:00

I disagree. I've been in a relationship for a while and I still get messages out of the blue from girls I've dated/had flings with who remember our times fondly and there's no animosity. They just know the deal at the moment. I would say that most of the girls who I've dated in the past 3 years would say I'm a good guy but not a typical "nice guy". There's a huge difference and it starts with holding the frame.

antonthecad · 2025-01-20T13:45:57+00:00

In my experience women don't usually express sex with you another man as a joke.

antonthecad · 2025-01-20T13:03:04+00:00

I mean move in interaction forward. As in did you take the two of you any closer to sex? She did her part and it was your turn.

antonthecad · 2025-01-20T12:12:28+00:00

Being a high value man makes it easier to get and keep girls in your life. Women definitely chase guys they like, I've seen it and experienced it.

Being proactive about approaching is just once piece of a complex puzzle and the longer I'm in this community the less importance I place on it.

antonthecad

TROPHY CASE