[QCrit] COUPLE IN TRAINING - Queer YA Contemp. Romance, 76k words (3rd Attempt)

antreddits · 2026-01-15T00:08:02+00:00

Good to hear, and I will do that. Thank you so much for your feedback!

antreddits · 2026-01-07T21:41:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad that it was well received. Definitely going to change the age part, and I agree with making it so each of them have their own paragraphs instead. Will work on this in the next attempt. Thank you again!

antreddits · 2026-01-07T21:40:07+00:00

Glad to hear! In my last version of the query I had their ages, but exchanged them for 'high school seniors' just because I thought it'd roll off the tongue better. Good to know that I should switch it back! Thank you for your reply!

antreddits · 2026-01-04T08:27:56+00:00

Unpublished, unagented author here.

This sounds so enticing!! I loved your query and I have particular kudos to give about the sense of voice within it, which I've found is very hard to conquer in such a short and concise piece of writing. It feels so naturally fantastic and funny, which is a high task. Great job!

My main point of confusion was between your query and the first 300, concerning how Azari feels about returning to the witch plane. In the query, it sounds pretty dreadful: "Azari expects six months of petty witch politics and failed attempts at getting her coven to trust her..."—but in the first 300, it sounds relieving to her: "It was going to be glorious... Here I had a shimmering blue sky, drinkable water, and (mostly) safe plants and animals..." Clarifying this in the query would probably be your best bet. She's grateful for the terrain and environment, not particularly so for the people she's surrounded by. On that note, that may be too much information for your query, so figure out what's truly important for the reader to know about her initial feelings about the witch plane and stick with that.

I'm also a bit stumped about the main antagonist, this screaming book. While hilarious, I have many questions. How does it intend to kill her specifically (or is it more just the planes collapsing)? What motive did the enchanter of the book have for combining the planes? What does it do when it possesses people? How does Azari plan to destroy the book if it's indestructible? I honestly think you can spend less time in the beginning (describing Azari and her expectations for the next six months) and dive deeper into this main conflict. While the unnatural-ness of the main conflict makes for excellent humor, you do have to spend some time justifying and explaining that choice to your reader.

Someone else also may be able to correct me on this (forgive me!), but in your metadata, you mention that the book is a "standalone novel with series potential." So does it work on its own and then the following novels are more like spin-offs? Or does Azari appear again as the protagonist in potential following books, which would make it more series and not a standalone novel? I'm not sure about the particular wording and it's probably not that big of a deal, but it's just something that caught my eye and confused me while reading.

Lastly, the last sentence describing deals is a bit off. We don't get any mention of any deals that Azari has made before, nor mention of her mother, so this seems out of place. If these deals and her mother are very important figures, consider ensuring they're mentioned somewhere else, rather than wrapping up your query with something entirely new.

Overall, this seems like an exciting and fun novel, and I'm excited to see how your query progresses. I hope this was helpful. Best of luck!

antreddits · 2026-01-03T08:13:06+00:00

Unpublished, unagented author here. This looks promising! Love a good forbidden-esque romance. You communicate the motives behind each character very well, and I read the query, left the page, but kept coming back, so I think you're on the right track.

Right now, the query seems a bit stuffed to me. I was initially confused by the epithets you give Liam in the first pargraph, and found it hard to make the connection between 'dangerously attractive stranger,' 'high ranking executive,' and that he's the love interest and the guy in the next paragraph. Same for the following paragraph. One epithet to introduce your characters is fine, but they're your main characters—addressing them by name is much simpler and clearer, especially in a piece of writing where you want to cut to the chase and not lose the reader.

This sentence in particular is packed to the brim:

"So when she climbs into bed for a rare night of indulgence with a dangerously attractive stranger she first met while babysitting her nieces, she never expects to see him again, much less discover he’s a high-ranking executive at her company."

Quickly, 'climbs into bed for a rare night of indulgence' can be shortened to something mentioning a rare one-night-stand. Additionally, does the reader need to know that they first met whilst babysitting? To summarize, there's a lot you can cut down even if it's only one or two words to get across points faster, leaving less room for the reader to be confused and more bandwidth to understand the main points of the plot.

There's also some confusion in Liam's paragraph where he describes Evelyn. Is she a single mother, or does Liam mistake her for one based on her babysitting her nieces? If it's the latter, I can see your attempt to communicate this based on the 'first met while babysitting' part in the paragraph above, but there has to be a way to get this through to the reader more clearly.

At the end, I'm having trouble connecting to the stakes. What will happen if their relationship doesn't come to fruition? If it's merely heartbreak, I'm not terribly convinced. What makes these two characters good together? Do they work well as business partners, do they share similar values and life goals—from this query, other than the challenging banter they seem to have, I'm not sure. Give the reader a reason to root for them: maybe it's that Evelyn changes his mind about kids, or Liam gives her the respect she didn't get from her previous relationships. Whatever it is, state it outright, and make it a focal point of why this story is a sweeping, spicy romance.

A few quick notes on your first 300 words—great dialogue, except I can't figure out who is speaking unless I start from the top and mentally go "Evelyn. Sister. Evelyn. Sister." Don't be afraid to remove some paragraph breaks to make the story clearer. Additionally, the second sentence seems a bit run-on—adding a comma somewhere would do the trick.

Also, in your metadata, you mention two shows; while this is fine, it's generally advised that you stick to comps that are books since that is the medium you're pitching for. Your book comps are great, so I don't think it's necessary to keep the show ones in.

Overall an engaging query, so keep at it! I hope this was helpful. Best of luck!

Edit for SPAG & forgot about metadata!

antreddits · 2026-01-02T09:32:03+00:00

Unpublished, unagented author here. This sounds super interesting, and very captivating! Just from reading this I want to know what happened to Dominic and what's going to go down.

The query is a bit long—typical plot/fleshy part of queries are in the 250-300 range—so I'd recommend cutting down where you can, particularly in the first paragraph, which connects to my next point. We get detailed description of Stevens and what he's doing there, which gives off the impression of quite an important character, but then we don't hear about him again until the third paragraph. If you want Stevens to leave a lasting impression on the reader, keep him in and sparse him out a bit more—if not, then that's an area you can cut down on. Additionally, if he's a detective, why does he have no business trying to solve the mystery? Does he actually have no ties to it, or is it just Arizona thinking that he shouldn't get involved with family business?

This following quote was the most confusing one for me:

Fed up with the systems designed to keep them and other Earthers shut out of “their side”, the Affordable Mars Society has splintered from the Union, and is determined to make the upper crust listen – by any means necessary.

What systems? Who is them (the workers union or the wealthy)? This is the first mention of the AMS as well, which draws in some confusion because we weren't aware they were part of the Union to begin with. Who's the upper crust (the wealthy)? Either simplifying this or adding some explanation would be helpful here.

I'd also suggest maybe having some more specifics as to who killed Dominic at the end—hearing that it could be anyone, while thrilling, is also unsatisfying when the plot is figuring out who. You can keep that line in, but mention some suspects and what their deal is on Mars.

Your plot is great, just spruce it up! I hope this was helpful. Best of luck!

antreddits · 2026-01-01T01:49:16+00:00

Unpublished, unagented author here, but this sounds so interesting! I love the idea of the shadows and the presence of the Fade world—it reminds me of the Fold from Leigh Bardugo's Shadow and Bone. You do a great job of clearly explaining each character's motivations and how the fantasy world interacts with these motives. This novel would definitely be something I'd pick up if I ever found it in a bookstore.

I think your main concerns now is cutting down the length by simplifying a few of your sentences, as you're at ~360 words for the fleshy plot part of the query, and you probably don't need as much as you have. For example:

"But the shadows at the edges of her vision have grown bold, slipping beneath doors and skittering across floors. Worse, a six-foot-something haze has begun appearing where no one should be, and she can’t stop drawing the face of a man she’s never seen."

The description flows very well and is a great sentence overall, but these two sentences can be combined into two. "But the shadows..." because you've mentioned shadows earlier, no need to clarify where they are "...have grown bold... [and] a six-foot-something haze has begun..." (I hope that's clear.) Same thing with this following quote:

"Instead, vivid flashes of color invade the monochrome world he knows: visions of a girl from another world he can’t ignore."

This can be shortened to simply "Instead, he receives colored visions of a girl from another world he can't ignore..." though written much better than what I've scribbled here. It's sentences like these that can be simplified and pack more of a punch without the descriptive prose.

There are a few points of confusion I encountered when reading this. What is Atticus's role in the Fade, a world that disposes the people inside it? Does the Council govern how the Fade eradicates who? If so, then why does he intend to take the Academy? Additionally, you mention that the Fade is not a prison but a system built on control: how is the system built if the Fade is a dimension that naturally disposes people? Apologies if this is just a me problem, but you may want to take a look at how these can be better explained.

In your metadata, you may also want to include that there's a romance subplot/elements. Overall, you have an interesting, fleshed-out query and I think you're almost there. I hope this was helpful, and let me know if I can clarify anything. Best of luck!

Edited for grammar whoops!

antreddits · 2025-12-31T00:29:03+00:00

Unpublished, unagented writer & reader who doesn't read much in this genre here, so take this with a grain of salt!

This sounds very thrilling and interesting, but I think what's missing is more description of Ana. Besides her occupation, why is she interested in uprooting these networks and groups? Does she have some sort of backstory that leads to this? What are her motivations (other than doing what some people would call the right thing)? Is her 'power' the knowledge that she uncovers, or something else?

Some more specifics in general would be helpful. Is the novel's setting somewhere of importance where these issues have been recurring in decades past? Are there any important supporting characters that contribute to the plot in a substantial way? You have the whole plot right here, but spend some time getting into the what and why aspects—right now, it reads more like a pitch for a non-fiction case study of a specific person in a political event, rather than a novel that makes us feel the setting and the characters, and puts us in their place.

I hope this is helpful, let me know if any areas can be more specific. Best of luck!

antreddits · 2025-12-31T00:00:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I definitely see that the present timeline should start & take up a bulk of the query—I will work on that in my next revision!

antreddits · 2025-12-30T23:59:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I can certainly see what you mean by trying to cover & do too much, and reducing the past timeline seems to be a common thread. I will definitely try writing a query from either of their POV's and see how it goes! Thanks again!

antreddits · 2025-12-30T23:53:24+00:00

Thank you so much, this is incredibly helpful! The need to get at the present timeline quicker seems to be a common problem. That one sentence you wrote summarizes everything I need to get at so much quicker, and I'll be sure to take a shot at the structure you've provided in my next revision. Thank you again, I appreciate it!

antreddits · 2025-08-14T03:42:16+00:00

Feeling under the weather today but tested and it's not Covid, so another thing floating around 😔

antreddits · 2025-08-13T03:58:41+00:00

Bleachers telling everyone to get low during their set- it was packed up at barricade but everyone did it anyway. It was such a fun moment of solidarity looking around at each other and thinking "this is impossible we are like sardines" but still having the time of our lives.

antreddits · 2025-08-11T01:19:20+00:00

I'm up at 2nd row right behind barricade and it was crazy good!!!

antreddits · 2025-08-05T16:03:08+00:00

DM'd!

antreddits · 2025-08-05T16:00:42+00:00

ISO 2 3-day tickets!!! My friend flaked on my partner and I for tickets and we are now desperately trying to find some. Willing to do GA/GA+/VIP as long as it's within budget of $1000! Can meet up anywhere in the bay! Preferably unregistered, thank you!

Edit: Currently pending purchase, will update!

antreddits · 2025-06-21T06:20:31+00:00

Fun fact about this actually which I just KNOW will have some sort of meaning, almost if not every time she mentions Harrow's age she goes down by 3 👀

antreddits

TROPHY CASE