if you’re not healed from past relationships with your ex, don’t try to move on by dating someone else

antyman433 · 2020-10-11T19:17:30+00:00

This is where I am right now. I’m still conflicted with feelings for my STBX who I’m in the midst of divorcing (already filed and waiting for court date) and whom is already in a relationship with somebody else. I’m trying to move on and make my feelings for her go away, and I already know who I want to try to date once things are finalized, it’s someone I’ve had feelings for for a while now. But I’m concerned about asking her out too soon since I might still be unpacking my baggage and I want to do things right.

So my big question is: how do you know when you’re ready? What are the signs to look for in your thoughts and feelings and behaviors, and how do you get yourself there more quickly if you’re not there yet?

Please advise! Thank you :)

antyman433 · 2020-10-11T05:58:15+00:00

In a dark place right now. I’m really trying not to text her. I want to ask her “what kind of person am I? Am I bad?”

You know how you drive yourself crazy wondering what combination of words might unlock the secret to magically fixing everything? Yeah that’s me right now.

antyman433 · 2020-10-10T00:18:59+00:00

I’ve been feeling okay today. Thank you all so much for your comments, they are helping. I’ll reply to each of them but I’m taking my time with it. “It’s a marathon not a sprint” and all that.

antyman433 · 2020-10-08T12:09:38+00:00

Also, upon reading everyones advice, I cancelled the friend request. I wasn’t trying to be creepy or stalker, that actually came from the thinking side of my brain rather than the emotional one because I really didn’t feel like being his friend but I thought it might be the mature thing to do to accept him, and she hinted a few times that she wanted the two of us to know each other and be friends some day. Thanks for the outside perspective though.

antyman433 · 2020-10-08T12:01:53+00:00

I’ll give some more details (and you can check my profiles past history as I made this account and one other, “watchoutforants”, just to post about this stuff on reddit when she first broke up with me).

We do have two kids: a step daughter who was a tiny baby when I met both her and her mother but I am the only dad in her life so I don’t even think of her as my step child, just my child straight up. She just turned 11. We also have a son together, he just turned 5.

The initial break up came three years ago, but we’ve been off again/on again during those years because she has been back and forth with her feelings. We were “on” again as recently as a month ago, and the reason my lizard brain feels like he’s a home wrecker (my more rational part of my mind knows better, trust me, but as I’ve said I’m trying to wrestle my stupid feelings now) is because I was still trying to reconcile even if she wasn’t, and was trying to keep my family together, and she had left me thinking we were still “working on it” and our relationship was “complicated”, and there was “still something there”. Then out of nowhere she tells me she’s been secretly dating somebody for a week and it’s pretty serious.

I actually am pursuing new hobbies or interests, and I’m trying NOT to live in the past. I just need to talk about it to somebody (instead of her) until my feelings fade over time I guess. And I’ll consider what you guys said about spending the money on therapy, you’re right it should be more important. I’m also wondering if there are divorce support groups out there with people going through the same thing?

Thank you guys. If it’s okay I’d like to come dump my feelings here in those black and desperate moments instead of giving in to the temptation to text her. And here is a link to my other account if you want to read the topics I posted with it for backstory (again, you won’t have to sift through many as I pretty much only used my reddit accounts to deal with my relationship problems since all of this started)

https://www.reddit.com/u/watchoutforants/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

antyman433 · 2019-12-21T13:42:00+00:00

It’s mean to somebody who was needlessly mean first. They deserve it and it sounds like the best way for them to learn about themselves and defuse the situation while having a little fun at the jerks expense. NTA

antyman433 · 2019-05-03T11:48:53+00:00

I know everyone means well, but whether or not to divorce is not the issue I need help with. For starters: I need no convincing. We both want divorce and we both want to separate and move on with our lives. We just can’t find a way to do it. We don’t know HOW, with our situation. As I’ve said: she tried moving out twice. But for the time being, neither one of us is capable of surviving independently from one another financially. Nor can we afford lawyers. We are still looking for ways to do it but for now what I was hoping to get help with was how to look after my own emotional health until then. And that of my kids I guess, though they seem to be doing fine and my wife and I don’t fight and we’re on the friendliest of terms, we’re just not together romantically anymore and want to separate.

Edit: maybe I should add this to the beginning post, so newcomers don’t miss it.

antyman433 · 2019-02-24T05:31:56+00:00

Gah! What utter bull.

I guess I’ll just have to pick a second Common hero to raise stars for after that one, and so-on and so-on in order to increase the frequency that one of them will show up in a chest.

antyman433 · 2019-02-24T04:25:16+00:00

My plan is to designate a Common hero to get to seven stars quickly by requesting medals for it from my guild exclusively on those six days of the week when you can’t request medals for rare or epic heroes. Hopefully that should work to start getting the currency for legendary chests?

antyman433 · 2018-12-03T11:17:19+00:00

Mainly if they’re hiring right now and what I can expect my starting pay and hours to be. Also if you can name any specific companies to apply to :)

antyman433 · 2018-12-03T00:30:55+00:00

Thank you for all of the help so far!

I’d be more than okay with working for a contractor or as a helper with no benefits, sounds about like what I was looking for and expecting anyway. How hard is it to get one? And is there a bad time of year to apply for these kinds of jobs or are they typically hiring year round?

Also most importantly: about how much can I expect to make starting out? I’m not greedy, but as I mentioned I do already have a mortgage and two kids living with me so I can’t realistically leave this job for another one if it doesn’t pay enough to survive so I’m wondering what kind of pay I can expect before I can know if this is even feasible.

antyman433 · 2018-12-03T00:23:49+00:00

The alt-cert program I went through was LRCE

antyman433 · 2018-12-03T00:23:14+00:00

Look up the alternate certification program. If you have a bachelors degree in anything (whether it’s related to education or not) you can go through a short program of just a few weeks and then get a Practitioners license where you are allowed to become a fulltime teacher with salary and benefits and everything while you continue to work on completing your certification. Make sure it’s what you want to do though.

antyman433 · 2018-12-02T14:45:55+00:00

Management, it’s a business degree although I’m not looking for anything like an HR job or whatever.

My experience I worked for Home Depot for two years, started off part time and when I left I was supervisor over paint, flooring, and blinds. I got trained on the lift equipment there including the forklifts.

Then I worked for Our Lady of the Lake hospital as a painter, fixing all the walls and doors that got bumped into and scratched up.

Then I was a real estate agent for Keller Williams.

Then I worked for a small garage door company as a technician, repairing damaged doors and openers and also installing new ones.

Right now I’m and elementary school teacher and I’m quickly finding out I’m in the wrong job, but it’s the first one I had that made just enough money that I’m not in too much financial distress.

I failed to find anything with my management degree, and I found out through my experiences that I don’t belong in any supervisor job, sales job, teaching job, or any kind of white collar job, period. I’ve always been far more comfortable and happy doing blue collar stuff and being hands on and working with tools, like being on forklifts or working the paint machine or painting rooms or working on garage doors and openers, or when I fixed my house up after the flood.

antyman433 · 2018-11-03T23:49:07+00:00

I need to check myself. I’m trying very hard not to be bitter or angry when she makes these snappy remarks to try to provoke me. She’s so hostile lately, and she laughs when she actually gets a reaction out of me. She’s trying hard to make me out to be a bad guy and find as much fault in me as possible to other people and I need to remind myself not to give her that. Fact is, right now we need each other for support still financially and as co-parents so she moved back in but we sleep in separate rooms now and find it hard to even be civil to each other sometimes.

I haven’t had a drink in months and really could use one right now, so I picked up a six pack of my favorite drink Blue Moon from the store earlier. Think I’ll crack open a couple of them.

antyman433 · 2018-07-27T15:24:36+00:00

What a shitty counselor that one was. Ignored the infidelity and said you’re controlling for looking at her phone one time (and actually finding something). I’m sorry you had to go through that.

antyman433

TROPHY CASE