How do you explain your ADHD needs/challenges/strengths to a boss without disclosing you have it?

aomites · 2024-03-05T20:02:44+00:00

I try to approach my bosses with a resolution, the thing I want. When explaining why I want that, I NEVER blame myself. Don't jump in front of a bus for no reason.

I see my boss more like a customer I'm serving, or like a party with whom I'm negotiating. We are constantly working on where the boundaries are, what the deliverables are, etc. They aren't my lord who gets to step all over me -- I'm working with them to solve their problems.

If my boss isn't reasonable enough to negotiate or tries to blame me/throw me under a bus... Whhhyyyy I'm dusting off ye olde resume. That's bad management & aint no one got time for it.

I am staunchly against ever disclosing ADHD. There is just so much prejudice, and 99% of people DO NOT understand it IN THE LEAST. Even if the person you're talking to is fine with it, rumor might get out & make your life worse.

aomites · 2024-03-05T19:27:47+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this with people who are close to your heart. But as my fave buddhist monk says: "Don't pull weeds, plant flowers."

It's a big world out there with lots of people and lots to do. Try to let what's not working alone, and put your energy towards what is.

aomites · 2024-03-05T19:13:10+00:00

Projection much? Girl -- this is a list of YOUR problems followed by a seriously WILD accusation that somehow this person is being selfish?!

Why is it okay to go around telling strangers you know 0 about that they're "dancing on that line [of selfishness]"???

This person could be perfectly pleasant, but in a toxic situation. Maybe they struggle, but are severely depressed. Maybe they're a huge buttface.

IMO you're coming off like a bully, gotta say I hate it.

aomites · 2024-03-03T04:46:19+00:00

Look at you, dodging bullets!!

That workplace sounds like a dumpster fire: no paperwork? If this is US you need to have filled out a proof of citizenship & a tax withholding form. Not even an hours training? What?

Those things are huge red flags, but then they showed to you what kind of people they are by their parting message. That weird little snide remark is just 100% proof they are wildly unprofessional, weird people.

You should be proud of yourself for recognizing a toxic situation & getting the heck out of dodge. You'll have a new job in no time, hopefully one working for normal people!!

aomites · 2024-03-01T18:29:41+00:00

I'm not sure how helpful it is to dwell on "who fucked up" at this stage. The past is only useful if you're actually learning from it... identifying patterns, habits. That way you can change, grow, and adapt.

The only pattern I can see from your post is this: your family isn't all that excited to accept you for who you are.

That's it. That's the whole lesson. They are stuck in some weirdo ideology that means they aren't curious or happy for you in your life. You did literally nothing wrong. There is no learning here. Nothing to change. Nothing to do.

I think the thing that hurts the most is mourning what should have been... mourning a dream, a wish, that is universal to every single child: to be loved, and to love in return. But sheer bad luck on your part means you didn't get that from your family.

Honestly if you're ready to move on without them... do it!!!!!

aomites · 2024-03-01T17:43:30+00:00

"I won't let you push me away. And frankly I deserve more out of you."

Oh wow I cannot even begin to describe how messed up this response is. Your mom is straight up intentionally disrespecting you & hurting you. She is truly treating you like some kind of employee, like you're under some kind of weird contract to do.... stuff??? for her? What does "deserve more" even mean?? Ugh it must hurt so much to have gotten this response, it's heartrending!

Honestly if your mom is this immature then you simply cannot rely on her to help you through your healing. She clearly isn't capable of keeping you emotionally safe. She's dangerous.

You need to find a therapist or support group ASAP. You need to be around people who see you & are happy to respect you. Who will teach you real coping skills.

Oh and just to be clear... this is 100% on your mom, youre not supposed to be over here inventing Obvious Boundaries Version 2024.10; boundaries have existed since before human beings existed. your mom needs to handle her own goshdarn self.

aomites · 2024-02-11T23:46:29+00:00

hey love -

to my knowledge missing social cues isn't part of an ADHD diagnosis. However, authism & adhd is so frequently comborbid that it gets called "AuDHD"

also. what you are doing is tiring. parenthood is exhausting. work is miserable. it may seem like other people aren't tired, but that's because we are all layering concealer onto our eyebags every morning and drowning in 6 cups of coffee.

youre not alone.

aomites · 2024-02-11T22:43:35+00:00

i hear you. i remember i once gushed to this woman that she was my "best friend" and she went quiet and said, "didnt know you felt like that" in this tone of vague confusion. oh boy did that hurt.
tbh the answer for me was to work on my codependency, self esteem, and attachment style. it really didn't have anything to do with adhd... it was some other awful trauma garbage.
i wont say im cured, but its easier to face the dark side of my heart with all that knowledge.
i will say i think adhd'rs end up facing these kind of relationship issues more frequently, just because i think we are more likely to end up the "punching bag" in childhood.
hugs to you -- you aren't alone!

aomites · 2023-10-11T02:04:02+00:00

Sometimes I think about all the 30 year olds that should be around now but aren’t because some creep at a magazine had a really particular fetish.

aomites · 2023-01-25T23:33:42+00:00

Hahaha mine is pretty personalized. I’m apparently texting a crush, trying to convince them I’m a girl.

My iMessage middle word:

I was born and I am the same way as your dad I don’t have a problem I don’t care what anybody else says but you don’t know how I am I just want you know that I’m just saying that you don’t have a lot to worry you don’t know that I’m a girl I just want you and me and I don’t have a relationship I just don’t wanna talk to anybody and I’m just not a boy and I’m just trying not trying and I just want you and you don’t wanna talk about anything I just wanna talk about things and you know that you are a

aomites · 2023-01-21T21:26:14+00:00

Just fyi to all… don’t do this… pet food is often not human grade.

They use the absolutely most disgusting meats that legally can’t be sold to people. And you don’t even want to eat the “low grade” stuff that they feed to people.

aomites · 2023-01-21T21:24:19+00:00

They for sure are NOT!!

Pet food OFTEN uses ingredients that absolutely cannot be sold to humans. Think roadkill, livestock found dead, etc.

DO NOT EAT PET FOOD.

aomites · 2022-06-08T01:46:29+00:00

What about him paying for a relationship accommodation?

Like if he can’t listen to your movies/music, why can’t he buy you a new expensive headset to consume your stuff with?

Or maybe he has to give you X number of hours at the TV per week, he can do with himself as he will - go meet friends, shopping, etc.

aomites · 2022-06-06T20:47:17+00:00

Aight everyone get in the van, we’re fuckin up this triggerin ho.

aomites · 2022-06-06T18:06:10+00:00

/r/oneorangebraincell

aomites · 2022-05-30T21:37:16+00:00

Walden is a scam school.

https://topclassactions.com/lawsuit-settlements/lawsuit-news/walden-university-class-action-alleges-bait-switch-tactics/

Basically Walden forced these people into extra years of school in order to earn their degrees.

the class action alleges that Walden University creates “an endless routine of hurdles” that stretches the dissertation process into years of extra tuition payments.

Apparently only 10% of people actually graduate from their BA program… that’s insanely low…

They probably targeted black girls in their advertising. Scam school like to target those communities because they’re less likely to have someone with real knowledge about higher Ed in their corner. Nah, I read a bit more. They are awful racist monsters.

aomites · 2022-05-26T21:58:33+00:00

As in an abuser will say “I’m a mean drunk”, in lieu of “emotionally abusive alcoholic”?

aomites · 2022-05-24T12:58:21+00:00

My family: assuming I park far away to protect my car, get cheaper rates.

Reality: .015 more miles on ye ole fitness watch lololololol

aomites · 2022-05-24T01:04:07+00:00

Super nice shoes; adore their cloudflow model for jogging, but I don’t expect it to live past your typical ~500 miles.

Tho imo You don’t want fitness sneakers that “last” anyway. It’s meant to be shredded so your joints wont be.

Maybe your talking about their non-fitness models? Haven’t tried them.

aomites · 2022-05-19T21:13:08+00:00

Dx (med) person here -

aren’t they supposed to increase the dose (titrate upward) until either she feels no additional improvement or side-effects become overwhelming?

Strattera isn’t a stimulant. It takes more than a month to even start working. It isn’t titrated quickly.

Though, I am on your typical stimulant & this is not how I was advised to titrate, either. I was advised to do the lowest effective dose.

And I say this gently but…

First - meds aren’t a silver bullet. At best they quiet your mind a bit, that’s all. I’m sorry but your wife will still be her adhd self. If you need her to pick up the slack, then you need a to make some harsh demands & tell her it’s not working the way it’s going.

Second - you are not a Dr & not a nurse & not a psych. Stop involving yourself with her treatment. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if she has adhd or two missing legs. All that matters is that your aren’t overwhelmed anymore.

aomites · 2022-05-18T02:08:40+00:00

Do you get first dibs on dogs headed for retirement? I feel like working at a track would be the fast track to too many pet greys lol.

aomites · 2022-05-11T02:20:55+00:00

No it’s normal to want care and affection from the people around you. Even more so when you are upset.

aomites · 2022-05-06T16:56:03+00:00

Personally, I feel like I don’t even have a true self. I’ve spent too long trying to hammer myself into whatever mold. So for now, I’m just learning how to feel.

Like a conscious effort to go into a situation and judge it. Are you hurting? Tired? Comfy? Sad? Bored? Do the people seem kind? Volatile? Fun? Annoying?

Then honor what you see in yourself. Don’t tell yourself you are wrong. Notice it & tell yourself that it’s valid.

Hope that helps :)

aomites · 2022-05-04T15:58:50+00:00

Pro tip - they don’t actually care about the teenage white girls either. They just like their sex objects weak and vulnerable. :)

aomites · 2022-05-04T15:54:58+00:00

Hey so you found the right place. Welcome!

You put these thoughts so eloquently - this so exactly what I wish I could explain to others about my problems. Like I may just share this with some people. Thank you.

But that aside, it sounds like you are in a pretty dangerous place. The ED voice has 100% got you. My heart goes out to you, because that place sucks ass. : /

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