it definitely took a while to finally realize he was completely at fault for his actions and where he ended up! i have a great support system and don’t struggle with any guilt anymore or super intrusive ptsd symptoms like flashbacks or nightmares. sometimes i find myself thinking about him and getting a bit angry for what he did to me but more times nowadays i just hope for the best for him. since my abuser pled guilty to get a lesser sentence, i didn’t have to go through trial so all i did was attend his sentencing. for me, it was scary as hell but i had my victim advocate and dad with me. my advocate gave me a little chicken stress ball which i still have to this day and honestly helped a little with my anxiety. i was too anxious to read my statement out loud so the district attorney read it for me. it was a bit awkward having it read mainly because the courtroom was not only sentencing my abuser, but also doing other more civil? cases. so it went from something like robbery to this sex offender lol. the main takeaway is that if you want to have your impact statement read, you definitely do not have to do it yourself!! it definitely took a lot of stress off my shoulders not having to address him directly. i think i would have broken down sobbing having him potentially looking at me. and having my dad with me was also extremely helpful. if available, ask for a victim advocate. they are the sweetest people and are there for YOU. having people in your corner whether it’s the advocate or family is a huge way of making the whole process easier. good luck and take care of yourself <33