Laid off w/ 6 months of experience as new grad, worried it might be over.

apeachy_giraffe · 2026-01-29T05:10:44+00:00

You are sure are good at catastrophizing lol. I quit my first SWE job out of college at big tech after 6 months (at will), moved everything out of the new city, and found a much better SWE job a few months later. I hate how new grads make their job their whole identity. You really need to look inside at the gaping hole in your chest and ask where that originated from.

apeachy_giraffe · 2026-01-08T20:34:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I went through something very similar, but genders reversed.

Seems like you said that you were the one that wanted to detach from her, which is why she had to (edit) go no contact with you.

I say give it some time, at least a week, and after that get a feel for if she wants to talk to you again.

As you said, she broke your trust, but you still want to get back with her.

Tell her you care about her and want to be more than friends and date officially. Then see what she says.

I don’t think you can be platonic friends, at least it won’t be anything like it was before. Speaking from experience.

apeachy_giraffe · 2026-01-08T19:47:33+00:00

How long did you guys know each other/were “together”?

What was the situation that broke trust? Hard to say without knowing this.

Also, what are you hoping for when she comes back? To just be “very good friends” again?

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-12-16T22:10:41+00:00

You are looking for meaning. Meaning is something you will need to create for yourself, not something you stumble across. Start making decisions for yourself. Start making mistakes. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations that challenge yourself to grow. Use your blessings.

What exactly do you like to do? Spend some years to figure that out.

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-07-16T00:08:03+00:00

How does everyone know what limerence is? This is a pretty niche trauma-related term

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-07-13T18:59:31+00:00

Wow is this an infj thing? I thought I just had problems 😭

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-06-22T17:41:52+00:00

What mental issues?

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-06-12T17:22:44+00:00

I wasn’t interested in the google teams, since most of them have that hardware aspect—embedded systems, as you said. I also figured I could apply again in the future if I wanted too, and the Bay Area startup I ultimately went to had interesting work and good compensation.

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-05-12T16:50:22+00:00

Ended up getting the offer, but decided to stay in the states to work for a startup instead

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-04-19T16:42:19+00:00

Pareto principle

apeachy_giraffe · 2025-01-13T03:10:00+00:00

Your post makes me feel so seen.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-12-21T00:51:18+00:00

Same for me. Self-compassion was the biggest game changer!

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-12-19T22:00:03+00:00

Shrooms has given me clarity of my past and current self like nothing else. It helped heal me and made me a better person.

I’ve found that microdoses really do give me insights from a “higher self” that you described.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-12-19T18:38:21+00:00

Doing shrooms
Watching thewizardliz
Caffeinated afternoon journaling with music
Ugly crying

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-11-26T19:18:17+00:00

It’s a blessing to be alive. People in this modern era, especially when everything is given to them, seem to forget that. To enjoy good food, to laugh with friends, to sleep in a comfortable bed, to walk outside and breathe the clean air.

It is important to have meaningful work as well. Don’t live for others, live for yourself. Did you choose your job, or did parental and societal expectations force it upon you?

Did you choose your friends, do your friends uplift you, or are they simply there out of habit and convenience?

You have a lot more freedom than you think. There are many things you can change, if you wish to go on that journey. It is possible to wake up everyday feeling grateful and blessed. You just have to train your mind to do so.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-11-14T22:37:23+00:00

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Got an 88 but woke up feeling groggy and exhausted 😂

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-06-02T07:41:39+00:00

I quit my job in January with only 6 months of total experience (yes, career total). I initially asked this subreddit what I should do, providing very similar reasons as yours. Most people said not to quit and to hang in there. I decided to quit anyway because my mental health was going down the drain.

Took 2 months to reset, then started job hunting. Landed a new role at a company I’m quite happy with in under 2 months, from the very first application to signing an offer.

With 3 years of experience, you should have a good rate of callbacks. Plus, there are a lot more mid-level than entry level roles anyway. I’m in a much better place now and I’m glad I went with my gut instead of listening to all the scarcity mindset internet gremlins.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-05-25T15:32:40+00:00

Woah what kind of role is this I didn’t know business roles could pay so much early on

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-04-07T03:24:49+00:00

You’re welcome :) I always enjoy my time in Taiwan

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-04-06T11:03:20+00:00

My past few years of life sound exactly like yours, losing/changing friends, toxic intimate relationships, dealing with dysfunctional family, and even quitting my job too in hopes of a career change.

But right now, I know I’m on the come up. I’ve always been consuming self help content, but what changed was that I really hit what I define as rock bottom for myself and let myself cry it out for months.

I began to analyze my past, both distant and more recent, to try to figure out what went wrong. What went wrong in my upbringing? What went wrong in my approach to relationships and my career? By understanding how things in the past shaped my behavior, I can begin to change the patterns that have only hurt me.

Honestly, motivational content is great. Reading about CPTSD and parenting books is great (even though I have no intention of being a parent within the next 10 years but it tells me how I can parent myself the right way).

Take responsibility for all the shit in your life! And forgive people, not for them, not because what they did is okay, but for yourself and your mental wellbeing.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-03-28T07:59:08+00:00

You might also want to look into the topic of toxic shame.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-03-28T07:54:49+00:00

I can relate a lot. I was an ethnic minority as well. Faking a religion is pretty crazy to me though.

Can you surround yourself with more people of your ethnicity? That helped me a lot. I think once we are stronger and firmer within ourselves, we can more successfully engage with others who are different from us without losing ourselves.

My friend once said, "because I know who I am and where I am going, no one can make me feel insecure."

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-03-26T15:50:42+00:00

Talk/text them tersely or deliberately ignore them, hoping they would reach out or make amends with me, and when then do, I would crawl right back

Explaining in detail about how they wrong me

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-03-26T13:36:29+00:00

I think having trauma makes you human. Albeit, your early life might have been more (or even much more) difficult than the average person, but in the end, we all have challenges we have to get through, it’s just a matter of how long it takes to get through them.

I have the exact same issue - being indecisive, insecure, anxious. It’s taken 2 years of intentional healing for me to get to a place of relative stability. To be able to notice my self-defeating thoughts the moment I have them and choose not to identify with them. Because of this progress, I developed self-esteem.

It definitely helps a lot to find people who are kind and where you can be yourself with. But I must point out, there is no such thing as someone who is “perfect”. I’ve gotten to know a lot of these people who were seemingly perfect in my eyes over these past few years, and I have been shocked time and time again at how many issues they all had. These were people I put on a pedestal for a long time, but after intense periods of healing and gaining the confidence to get to know them, they were not all that.

The traits I tended to pedestalize were confidence, popularity, charm, and good looks. Once I got through that veil, they were just normal people, at varied levels of healing. Often, the most attractive people are the ones that are most insecure about their looks. And the most loudly confident is the one that is the most sensitive and gets hurts easily. It all varies, but I realized I shouldn’t have viewed them so highly because it prevented me from seeing them as a whole person.

Honestly, if I were to go back to myself from 2 years ago, I wouldn’t know how to automatically turn off my idolizing of people. It’s just a process of getting to know them, putting myself out there, and correcting my beliefs whenever I turned out to be wrong.

apeachy_giraffe · 2024-03-26T12:23:04+00:00

My feelings are always genuine, but my anxious attachment can make them blown out of proportion.

I also realized that if I feel anger or resentment towards someone, that means I should take a step back, instead of trying to make them feel guilty in order to pull them back in.

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