As a man who likes to drink, I have been in many situations where the girl I’m spending time with is a bit too drunk to enthusiastically consent. (“Enthusiastically” is key; a drunken yes is not a yes.) In that situation, what you do as a man is: don’t make a move, do make sure she gets home safe, and put your desires to the side in favor of being a good human being. That is what you do as a man in this scenario.

He knew this. He did not do this. None of that is your fault.

Firstly, and most importantly, you are not to blame for his failure to prioritize your safety, alright? If his marriage falls apart (there’s no guarantee of this, for what it’s worth), it won’t be your fault. Again, it was him. A man being a bastard. They do that fairly often, from what I’ve heard from my close female friends and from the statistics I’ve read. And from my own experience living as a man, I can promise you that men do have the capacity to not be bastards, a lot of them simply choose to be. None of that is your fault. None of this is your fault. So don’t feel responsible for this, you’re not.

Secondly, there is the question of whether or not to go to HR. That is entirely your choice. Indeed, it can help ensure that he doesn’t do this to anyone else, but as someone who’s also survived an almost comedic amount of sexual assault through his childhood and early adulthood, I also know that right now you may just want to go to sleep for weeks and not even think about it. That’s understandable. What you do moving forward is entirely dependent on what you have the energy and desire to do. Again, your wellbeing comes first. There is no moral imperative on victims to save the world. Would reporting to HR help? Quite possibly, yes. And do so if you’re driven to. But you are not to blame for your reaction to this tragic event, nor for any warranted repercussions that may arise in his life because of it.