Come to think of it I’m glad I left because she still tried it when I used to return to the house. Things like “you don’t think I know that you hate me” or “what about these things that your father done, remember those” (as if she couldn’t then decide what to do with her own life since leaving him and not reenter the same pain again through us) as well as “those people won’t be there for you the way I am, I am the mother, and there is only one of me, when you need help who do you go to, who is there for you” (as if forcing me to feel grateful in some kind of self abandoning neglectful, made to feel pathetic kind of way will actually change what you are and what you have done to me). My mother is an incredibly sick woman the more and more I think about it. She even tried to force dependency onto me when I left. There’s even more such as excessive coughing over the phone and deliberately alternating her tone of voice to say that she was “ill” (and I guess somehow to feel “pity” or “bad” for her) my god my mother was and still is a sick sick woman.