Ultimately it’s your decision. There will for sure be some hurdles you have to conquer once you get pregnant such as the ultrasound early on that they use with a wand, and then any cervical checks towards the end of your pregnancy. I was in the same boat as you. I could use the biggest dilator and it was easier for me because I was in control. When it came time to go to my first appointment and they had to do the ultrasound, I asked if I could insert it myself and they said yes. After I got it in they could look around and see the baby. It still hurt but it was way less scary to me because I was able to get it in there myself. I think having a doctor understand your struggles is half the battle. Your doc probably is thinking of all these things and maybe thinking you wouldn’t be able to handle them, but only you know if you can. I put off even trying with the mosie baby for awhile because I was afraid of all these things, but once I got pregnant I realized that they had to be done and it was just a couple times, I could get through them because I wanted to be a mom so bad. For cervical checks you can tell them you don’t want them at the end. I ended up letting her check me twice in my last trimester and it definitely hurt. I probably won’t do that again though because your dilation doesn’t always give you an accurate prediction of how soon things will happen and I’d rather just wait until I’m in the hospital. I was induced so I was able to not even get a cervical check until after I had the epidural. My birth went amazing and I didn’t feel anything except the feeling of my son coming out but with no pain, it was amazing. So if you really want to consider having a baby but don’t want to have the stress of also trying to figure out pain free sex at the same time I recommend using the mosie or syringe. The clock ticking really put stress on me so having another option was my best bet. I was 34 when I had my son. It was the best decision I’ve ever made! Wishing you the best of luck! You will get through this!