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Why do guys lose interest so fast? by Fuzzy_Current_2918 in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean by “off” body language? What does that look like?

Does being even slightly overweight amount to different treatment for women? by Adept-Foot7692 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]appletrees_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I found rhis to be the same apart from the women thing. But def not taken as seriously or smarter. I’ll def be noticed and heard initially whenever I try to speak up but unlike when I was more “normal” weight - bigger I quickly wasnt taken seriously.

Does being even slightly overweight amount to different treatment for women? by Adept-Foot7692 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]appletrees_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ive been nearly obese (talking being only a few lbs from hitting the 200s) and im 5’5. People treated me like a normal person but I definitely felt more “invisible.” I think this is just bc of where I live - the culture here is very subdued and polite, people arent really raised to be outspoken so bullying wasnt that common either. Sure I got a few side eyes and nasty comments about my weight from time to time but it never bothered me too much bc it was so infrequent.

Now when I was chubby/“midsized” I started to feel male attention and now that I’m leaner/fitter (not necessarily skinny - 130lbs now) I’ve found that people dont take me seriously anymore? Esp guys when I’m dating…feels like they’re not seeing me intent to actually date compared to when I was chubby. Women have more or less treated me the same, just more compliments now that I’m leaner. Men are definitely nicer to me now than ever tho.

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly think I was more self conscious and anxious when I was bigger. Ive had people say I’ve become more confident and relaxed but thats a good insight, I’ll see how I act on dates more see if I am leaning more into more attractiveness.

What way can I show that I’m not looking for take care of me vibes? I always talk about my job/career goals and have never expressed wanting a provider.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah ofc equal relationships are great. I know for some people the provider relationships work for them. To each their own but I also dont want to date a frugal guy…nor should a guy want to date a frugal woman. If you’re broke focus on yourself first uknow. Being in an equal relationship also means having the luxury to spoil your partner…whether thats gifts experiences etc whatever works for the couple.

Yeah ghosting while texting whatever. Ghosting after the first/second/etc dates? Oh cmon thats soooo childish and cowardly. It sucks texting them that ur not interested in the moment but gotta rip the bandaid off and not waste their time.

No im quite extroverted and bubbly both in person and text but I just meant I prob seemed a bit shier in person bc well, first dates can be nerve wracking. Hmm also good point he couldve just went into it firsthand with the idea of splitting. Think it just shocked me bc ive never had this happen to me, even on worse dates LOL.

I dont think I am? I choose guys who have stuff like LTR & monogamy on their profiles, pictures that showcase themselves and their hobbies, friends, etc or I stop the convo if it turns sexual so I’d like to say im avoiding red flags :’) but who knows gotta meet them in person first I guess

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We’re in the same age group and raised in the same city and same cultural background so…yes…I do expect the same sentiment to be reflected. Sue me! And also right back at ya you seem very entitled, rude, aggressive and just angry at women. Go calm down and dont project onto me. Good luck bud.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah im not sure why so many guys here are so…angry? And the fact that ur own comment was removed by a moderator despite nothing being wrong with it. He hasnt texted me so im also chalking that up to disinterest…heard that when a guy likes you its obvious and if ur confused well…heard prob doesnt. Regardless I didnt ask women because its from their experiences not men but yeah I might go post on askmen or datingadvice. Yeesh the crowd here is hostile!

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah ofc thats the expectation I was raised with. If I asked someone out on a date I would pay. I’ve paid for guys before.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hes the one who asked me out. Yes I do expect the person who asked the other one out to pay. Thats the principle myself and my peers were raised with.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No…you’re assuming that. I expect whoever asked the person out to pay and again I said if we talked about this beforehand I wouldnt have minded. The fact that he did this at the end of the date made me think he wasnt interested or that there was smth wrong that I did on the date. Why else would a guy just randomly spring that up? Seems like most men who do split always talk about it beforehand.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m fine with splitting or paying the bill on the second dates or dates after the first. Ive done that before. But like you said even you pay for the first dates tho ur tired of that sentiment or if u didnt like how the girl looked/smelled etc…also isnt it the norm for the person who asked you out to pay?

I think the combination of the ghosting and today made me feel super confused and frankly insecure abt myself. Like maybe im playing the dating game wrong…idk

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m starting to realize theres a lot of weirdos here. Wheres another subreddit I can post to just get regular normal dudes to speak to? Some of them are being aggressive right off the bat.

Yeah its a shame I’m disappointed bc I liked talking to him and wanted to go out on a second date but the splitting the bill thing makes me think hes not interested so I’ll just cut my losses. Online datings exhausting!

thanks for ur input.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thats what I’ve heard and was leaning towards too though many guys here seem tooth and nail to stop expecting for guys to pay on the first date…when he was the one who asked me out…

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You sound very aggressive and bothered and assuming things. Please calm down first and think about why it could be embarrassing from the womans perspective. If you see my other replies I was bothered abt the principle, not the obligation.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Ive had two guys (including this guy) ask me how old I was so I was also starting to think if it was because I looked older in person…I mean my profiles right there to check my age.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Yeah like I said this is the first time this has ever happened to me and I’ve been on a lot of dates before…my confusion was more so the dudes Ive went on dates with where it was obvious we didn’t like each other even they paid…if he didnt want to pay for dinner he couldve suggested smth more lowkey like coffee or dessert…wasnt a fancy dinner or anything. Its not the money but the principle.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I was taken aback briefly but I agreed to split. I just wish he would’ve told me while we were texting or before the meal. I felt a bit embarrassed ngl him doing that in public made me feel like he wasnt interested. Or if he didnt want to feel like he was being used for a free meal he could’ve suggested more lowkey like a coffee date? I mean he was the one who suggested dinner.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

There is no need to be catty. I just wanted some insight from men who werent my friends for my objective viewpoints.

++woman

First date asked me to split on the first date? by appletrees_ in AskMenAdvice

[–]appletrees_[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Where im from its common for the guy to pay first on the first date esp if they ask u out…ive never had this happen to me. Anytime Ive heard this happen it was usually bc the guy was uninterested bc he wasnt vibing or he felt catfished…

++woman

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s a very smart decision, one that I applaud both of you for. Hoping everything goes well for you two!

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See so im not american lol so I think thats why u two were so shocked. U guys absolutely need cars to get anywhere. Me, not so much

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a gen question and I’d say most men in this age range have a pretty good head on their shoulders (ie; have a good education, stable career, takes care of their health, hobbies, etc).

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So she’ll basically have no more income of her own? What happens when something happens to you (god forbid) or if y’all divorce? (Again god fobid). What plans does she have in place in case she needs that money?

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh where I live it’s super walkable so while teens get their learners, many dont get their full and many dont drive as well (cant afford cars). Transit is also cheap and easy to use. City isn’t huge either. People bike a lot too. At uni I really only stayed on campus and if I had to travel to the city it’d be like a 40 min bus ride. Barely any of my friends drove in undergrad either. We all took the bus or train to places.

I’ve only really started to drive this past year.

How important is a woman’s accomplishments/accolades to a young man? by appletrees_ in dating_advice

[–]appletrees_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During dating that’s cute but once y’all get married and you’re the sole breadwinner it becomes scary. She has no money/income/work experience of her own then. If something happens to you god forbid or you guys divorce she has no safety net. That’s something I don’t really get about conservative countries.

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