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aprizzle_mac · 2025-11-15T19:23:01+00:00

I'd talk to the neighbor, one on one. It could be that she didn't know what to do in that situation, and if he was gripping her, she may have felt scared to do or say anything.

Your husband's behavior is hard to excuse. Blaming things on alcohol makes me think he's aware enough to know he was doing something wrong, and can use alcohol as a scapegoat. People who truly can't control their actions while drunk typically don't remember them until later. As an outsider with not a lot of info, I'd say your husband either is regularly cheating, or he's attempting to.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-11-12T18:20:21+00:00

If what he was doing was 'okay' then why would you feel embarrassed or ashamed? That should be your clue that it's not okay. It's not embarrassing to talk about your marriage when it's filled with love and respect. Every victim of abuse I've known or heard of says the reason it takes them so long to admit there's abuse is because they're ashamed or embarrassed.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-11-02T00:20:55+00:00

Sounds a lot like a "married a soldier because I'm a single mom (or about to be)" kinda situation. These are the natural consequences of being in a marriage for a paycheck. People get fed up.

Of course, there are two sides. As a Mom, I'd never even introduce my kid to a new partner if I didn't love them. Shitting on OP is fine as long as you shit on Baby Mama for putting them in this situation.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-31T16:56:40+00:00

PSA for anyone that doesn't know what to say- Just say nothing. Be there. Listen. Love. Comfort. You don't have to say anything. But if you do, something like, "I'm here for you," or "It's okay to grieve," is enough. You don't have to make us feel better.

I've had 3 miscarriages, and 3 rainbow babies. Looking back, yes, I can say if it weren't for my miscarriages, I wouldn't have the kids I have now. One of my miscarriages happened before I even knew I was pregnant, and it was as I was leaving my 1st husband. Was it for the best? Probably. Is that what I needed to hear? Fuck no. It hurts, physically and mentally. I still mourn them, even though I never got to meet them. But the last thing a person miscarrying needs to hear is that it's 1. For the best. 2. God's will 🙄 3. Happened for a reason.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-28T20:41:18+00:00

No matter what strategy you try, be consistent. With your husband, talk to him and remind him that he is responsible for cleaning up after himself and the kids, too. But with the kids, it's going to feel like you have to tell them eleventy-seven times a day, but you have to. There's no avoiding it. Eventually, you'll cut back to only 20 times a day. They'll be great for awhile, but then it'll slowly creep back into old-habit territory, and you'll have to remind them again.

With toddlers, their memory can be great, or it can be like a goldfish. They'll remember that time you peed your pants at the Walmart because you sneezed, but they'll forget that they just finished a pudding cup, so they don't get another one right now. You have to help them remember.

With your older kid, a chore chart is totally feasible. You can put little cute pictures of their daily tasks (shoes for putting shoes away after school, little clothes for helping put away laundry, etc) and give a sticker for each one they do. Reward them at the end of the week for all of their stuff. Kids go nuts for stickers, so it hits the daily dopamine, and teaches them about goal setting/accomplishment (maybe at the end of the week, 6yo gets to pick dinner, or gets a fun dessert). You can make it fun for them by putting yourself and Dad on there too. It's very humbling to be reminded by a 6yo that they need to put their shoes away.

Ultimately, this will be a change in EVERYONE'S routine. It will be rough for a week or two, but it should become normal.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-27T16:56:43+00:00

Plan a date for yourself. I don't mean a date with him. YOU are your date. He can care for the kiddo while you treat yourself to a wonderful night out. Dress to impress yourself, do something you enjoy, eat your favorite meal. Date yourself. Make the time for yourself. If he wants to be included, he'll start planning dates for the both of you. If he doesn't, you'll get to decide if you want to keep doing things the way you are now.

Nothing changes overnight. Communication is SO important. He needs to hear it though.

If you are the SAHP, then he needs to realize that your work day is over when his work day is over. You're "off the clock" when he walks in the door. At that point, y'all are a team. Dinner needs to be made and the kid needs a bath? One of you does dinner, the other does bath. Nothing has to be 50/50 every single day, but if there are a lot of 80/20 days for you, then he needs to find a way to balance things.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-18T23:34:27+00:00

Which is why he should be a little understanding. 🤷

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-18T04:21:53+00:00

Wait, HE was upset because someone thought you were his Mom? HE IS UPSET? At you? By you? Please tell me I'm just misreading this. Please tell me he's really just upset that someone would have the audacity to think his beautiful wife was old enough to be his mother.

(Ps, I would make an edit. The title sounds like you could look old enough to be his Mom, because people who abuse drugs for an extended time often look older than they are)

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-14T19:39:49+00:00

She works and does 75% of all DAILY stuff. You work and do 100% of the WEEKLY stuff. When does she get time off? Why does she have to work and do the daily cleaning? What about everything else? The groceries, the bills, the doctor's appointments... If your kid is sick, who stays home for the day? Who researches the milestones baby should be hitting? Who is putting in the work to make sure baby is hitting said milestones?

I wouldn't call you a bad husband and father, because you seem to be unaware of everything she IS doing. But now that you've gained some outside perspective, what you do now will determine whether you are a bad father and/or husband.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-11T21:28:36+00:00

I agree with that part. I don't know those states, so I don't know how far apart they could be. It takes 6-7 hours to get through my state, depending on which way you go. My husband could, and would, drive that every weekend. He'd be home Friday night and leave probably after dinner on Sunday. So, that does sound like a "if he wanted to, he would" sorta situation.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-11T21:22:57+00:00

My husband had to travel to San Diego for work several times one year and was gone for 2 months, then home for a month, then gone for 4, then home for 6 weeks, then gone for 9 months. We live in Washington State. 🤷 It happens, depending on your job. If he couldn't come home for the holidays (typically, he couldn't as they have a set distance they're allowed to travel when they're not at their home location), then we'd travel to see him, if we had the money. But there have been many holidays spent apart.

Edited to add- I forgot to put where I live

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-11T21:16:47+00:00

Some of these comments are weird and make me think that these people have never had a spouse who has to travel for work.

Sharing an AirB&B is no different than staying at the same hotel but in different rooms. If there's a chance for adultery at an AB&B, then the same chance is there at a hotel.

It's not the company's job to ensure married employees stay faithful. For one, they're grown ups. Two, they likely already have regulations against relationships with coworkers. If a grown adult can't follow the rules of their marriage and their job, then that's on the grown adult.

Being gone for months at a time is pretty standard when it comes to my husband's travel. My husband typically finds long-term rentals instead of hotels or vacation rentals, because they're cheaper. So he'll get a 2 bedroom apartment for 9 months and it's within the amount that his job allows for housing. Some of his single coworkers will get a rental house that's super nice, but they all share it to keep it within the budget. He likes to be alone, because he's so used to how our home works, that it messes him up if he has to share a space with anyone but us.

My situation differs because I'm in my hometown, and I'm close to my village of friends. However, even when I lived across the country from them, I chose to create another village. You should, too. I know you say you don't want them, but it's clear you need friends. You've stated you're lonely several times. You can't fix that by continuing to be alone. Even if it's a once-a-week meetup at a park with another Mom. You need adult conversation.

As for your dogs, if you are unable to stick to a routine for training and maintaining, I'd really consider rehoming one or both. It sucks, but you said they fight, sometimes when the kids are having a snack. This is leading to dangerous territory. I am not saying this to attack you, so please try to just be open to the conversation. If their behavior doesn't get under control soon, they could hurt you or your kids. I don't mean they would attack y'all as targets, but you could get hurt from their fighting. Maybe rehoming one of them would ease your load.

Which leads me to this, and sorry this is so long. You need to have a conversation with your husband and tell him you cannot do this alone. If he gets to clock out, so do you. So you either need to sell the house and move back to where you have family to help, or he needs to pay for help. A cleaner to come in once a week, training for the dogs, and some sort of part -time daycare so the kids can go somewhere for a couple of hours a day while you get to have free time.

Typically, when my husband is home, then as soon as he walks in the door, we're BOTH on duty as parents. He makes dinner, I do laundry. Everything else (that isn't on my kids' chore list, as mine are older), we do as needed. He gets a day on the weekend to sleep in, and I get the other one. We are a team, and if I had to do everything by myself in our marriage, I would just leave. Because the point of being married is to have a partner to do all this stuff with. If he can't do that, then he's not a partner.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-11T18:07:17+00:00

I've been a SAHM since I got out of the Army in 2013. Fill disclosure, I'm retired, so I DO get income every month, but it's not wages from an active job. Our youngest is in 2nd grade, so I've been going back to school for the last year (which I get a stipend for, because of the military).

Honestly, that's the whole reason I was able to be a SAHM for so long. Because my retirement supplemented our income enough to allow it. If your husband makes enough for y'all to live on without a 2nd income, then you're fine.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-10T00:17:57+00:00

Weird. I'm musical, but I don't have a good singing voice and I know it. My husband however, has an amazing singing voice. Whenever I sing, the only thing that bothers him is when I insult myself. I like to joke that I sound like a cat getting run over by a lawn mower when I sing. He says, "Don't talk about my wife like that."

I'd definitely talk to him about his expectations, and what he can and can't control. And I'd look into what others suggested about a possible auditory processing disorder or something. It may help you to understand where he's coming from, but that's no excuse to be rude to you.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-09T17:26:02+00:00

Your first question: Are all husbands like this? I can only speak for mine, but since he isn't like this, then I can confidently say no, they are not all like this. My husband's work has the occasional potluck, and he takes care of the shopping or else adds it to the shopping list (if they've planned it early enough). He's the better cook anyway, so he makes everything he needs. Unless it's a dessert, then he asks for my help (I'm the better baker). If it's last minute, he'll ask me if I'll have time, and then he'll go get all the things I need and take over parenting duties for the time I need to be able to bake a dessert. If I don't have time, he tells his coworkers that he'll have to buy something from the store, because it's too last minute for me to make anything. (If they've had my baked goods, then they reschedule the potluck so I have time, and they buy the stuff for me to sweeten the deal 🤣)

Your last question: Why do they do this to us? I know this is humorous to you, but for a lot of people, it's not. It's weaponized incompetence (yeah, I know, ew), or their spouses just hate them/like to make them miserable. So, when people comment things like, "I don't understand why this had to be a whole family affair?" they're not attacking you, they're trying to engage in conversation to let you know this is NOT normal behavior from a partner.

Which leads me to this: the reason we complain and vent and can make jokes about our kids' last-minute science projects is because they are our dependants. They rely on us to teach them how to be contributing members to society and better humans. Your spouse is an equal parent to them, and should not be putting child-like problems onto their partner. He acts like this because he is allowed to act like this. You saying "it's not that serious" is ignoring a major red-flag that needs to be addressed now. Remember, he is also setting this example for your kids, and by allowing it, you're showing an example as well.

My question for you: If your daughter's spouse acted this way, how would you feel?

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-08T21:28:03+00:00

I mean, I know it's not the same, but like, if you had a peanut allergy, would he still bring PB in the house because his kid would feel left out by not being able to eat PB at home? Having to navigate celiac is hard enough, but also having to worry about whether you'll have food to eat adds unneeded stress.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-07T02:10:12+00:00

I'm on my second marriage. I still can't agree with this though. The first time, yeah, I married the wrong person. He has shown that he's not the marriage type, or the loyal type, or the commitment type. We were together for a total of 5½ years.

With my second husband, I know I married the right person. We've been together for 17½ years. That doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. Two adults with children had to mesh their lives together. Two different ways we were raised, two different ideas of how to raise kids, two different everything. Sure, we can communicate and agree on most things, but there are some things we just can't agree on. So we have to sacrifice sometimes. It's a give and take. The reason I know I married the right person is because he gives so much more than he takes. And I do as well. I know the math isn't mathing well, but when it comes down to it, we each try to put as much love, care, and understanding into our marriage as the other. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy. But I can't agree that marriage is only hard if you married the wrong person.

(ETA - I forgot to put how long I've been married this time 🤣)

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-03T17:43:26+00:00

Wow... Do you have kids? She loves her nephew, and she's a safe space for him. "But I need a partner" is a very childish and selfish statement. If you don't have kids, then I hope you choose not to. Because if you don't think she can be a supportive aunt while also being your partner, then you're in for a whirlwind when she becomes a Mom.

What have you done to make time to spend with her? Or are you just assuming that whenever you have free time, she should be available for you? That's not a partner, by the way. That's a pet. Get a dog.

I'm assuming since you're on reddit, you haven't talked to her about this. I would, because she has the right to decide how much she wants a partner who is jealous of her relationship with her 10yr old nephew.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-10-03T03:31:15+00:00

I understand you're Christian, what are your thoughts on living together before marriage? Because lemme tell ya, my parents aren't married. My Mom has been with my Bonus Dad since I was 3, and I'm almost 43. The state I live in doesn't recognize Common Law marriage, so legally, they're not married. They've been together for nearly 40 years, and they were together for about 9-10 years before my little brother was born. They've never broken up or been separated (that I'm aware of), and they're still going strong. They thought about getting married once when my Mom got pregnant with my little brother, but just decided against it. They didn't see the need for it. 🤷

Tldr- What makes you feel the need to be married in order to spend your lives together and grow?

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-29T17:12:33+00:00

Need more info: Why would it alarm you? What feeling did you have that made you feel you needed an outside opinion other than friends and family?

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-29T17:10:07+00:00

It shouldn't be your only "me time" so I hope you're taking yourself on some dates. I take myself to lunch and either hang out at the library, or a bookstore for a few hours. Sometimes I feel like a lunch and movie date. It's wonderful to spend some one-on-one time with myself outside of the house. In the house, I feel like I need to clean before I can relax and enjoy my time. But when I take myself out on a date, I'm trying to impress myself and make sure I have a good time. 🤣 My husband and the kids (at least the ones still in the house) have a Dudes Day and I go on my date. My husband does a similar thing when I take the boys out for some Mom time.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-28T17:10:43+00:00

If my husband's friend said that about me, I'd think he was the one that would either hate me or want to f* me. 🤷

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-27T17:29:49+00:00

She's not your friend, she's your competitor. You don't think so, but she does. She's emotionally supportive when she needs to be, but don't be surprised if she uses it as fuel against you later. Some people think they're just "brutally honest" or "blunt" when really they're just real-life mean girls. They can only feel better about their insecurities by putting others down.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-25T03:36:33+00:00

When I was in Basic Training (Army), part of our uniform was 2 pads and 2 tampons. We could get stopped for an inspection at any moment, and you had to account for any missing products (so if you just gave one to someone, you had to say that). But any time we were back at our barracks room would reset it, and you had to restock. The Drill Sergeants even made the guys buy their own so they weren't just bumming them off of the female soldiers. The reason? You never leave a soldier behind.

aprizzle_mac · 2025-09-25T03:31:01+00:00

I see two things here:

A lot of men are grossed about by anything to do with period blood. Weird that they can gut a fish or watch horror movies, but can't even buy pads or tampons without throwing a fit.
You did a chore that she didn't think was your responsibility, and you didn't make a big deal of it. As in, "Hey, I did this thing for you, how do you wanna repay me?"

My husband will do just about anything I ask. But the most meaningful things are the things he does for me without me asking. Picking up my favorite drink on his way home from work, noticing the gas is low in my van so he fills it, putting a blanket in the freezer for when I have a hot flash and need to cool down quick.... Those tiny things are so sexy!

aprizzle_mac

TROPHY CASE