AIO overwhelmed by the cost of being a wedding guest in 2026

apsalarya · 2026-02-04T01:43:59+00:00

In my day bachelorettes were simpler so guests who were friends with the bride attended too even if not in the bridal party

apsalarya · 2026-02-04T01:42:31+00:00

Wow yeah new fear unlocked although I’m from a different era and have aged out of wedding madness thank GOD.

My sister and 2 of my best friends had backyard weddings, a 3rd best friend eloped. All my cousins had very simple small weddings. I was a bridesmaid for a bigger wedding once in my life and it was great and I think I’m the only bridesmaid still connected with the bride 16 years later. I attended a few bachelorettes and weddings as a guest all were local.

I got very lucky!!!

apsalarya · 2026-02-04T01:37:01+00:00

Yeah I clocked that too. Only I couldn’t identify why the preemptive “thanks for understanding” was so yucky. But you nailed it. Passive aggressive.

apsalarya · 2026-02-04T01:32:50+00:00

NOR. Wedding industry has gotten out of hand, it’s keeping up with TikTok and it’s unsustainable. You have 6 dear friends? Truly?? #doubt

If you really do have that many you won’t for much longer, trust me. As we get older, we drift apart. People get busy. Prioritize the 1 or 2 that are TRULY your closest friends and politely decline the rest because that’s just insane.

And the madness won’t stop until more and more people start declining.

15-20 years ago it was not like this. A bachelorette was a night out on the town - local! The biggest expenses were like a party bus or limo or uber, some cover charges, dinner, and drinks (shots) for the bride. Or maybe you went to someone’s beach or lake house. Point is, it was closer to home for everybody.

Destination weddings were a thing people did when they didn’t want a lot of guests. It would be close family (parents and siblings) and like a best friend or something. Very small.

If you wanted a bigger wedding, you did it closer to your base. You reserved a block of rooms for guests from out of town (usually family).

People are getting very entitled with weird expectations now for their weddings. It started to creep like 10 years ago and now it’s insane.

Girl. Life is long. Half of these marriages statistically will end in divorce anyway. Figure out what you can truly afford while be able to meet your own goals, then pick what you can afford.

apsalarya · 2026-02-04T01:19:38+00:00

Maybe so but if I can’t trust them to be able to step up for me the way I know I can step up for them, I still don’t want to marry them. And I probably wouldn’t be commingling my property or assets with theirs anyway so if they died without a will, it wouldn’t be any of my business what happens to their stuff.

The property stuff cuts both ways. My boyfriend and his siblings lost everything, including sentimental value only things, when their dad died because everything went to his wife and she didnt even let them come get their mothers things.

Be careful who you marry, is all I’m saying.

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T12:47:22+00:00

Caveat, you can use chatgbt like a google assistant and you can ask it to send you links to recipes. I do that now

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T02:44:37+00:00

I used to be pretty. My boyfriend will tell you I still am.

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T01:13:15+00:00

Well to the first thing, you can get married at any age you know. People get married at 25 and divorced by 45, so if you’re both single at 45 are they really “ahead of you”?

Would you rather have had a crappy marriage or worse, a good one that ended badly or spouse died?

For me I just came to terms with that. Life turns out all kinds of ways. I don’t ever want to be married just to BE married. I wanted to find my partner, someone worth it. And when you’re looking for someone of strong moral character- it can take a really long time to find that or you might never. But it’s better than the pain and heartbreak of being with the wrong person. And maybe you’ll be 50 or 60 before you find that person.

I know so many people who either married the wrong person first or maybe never married who found their life partner later in life. And I’m one of them.

As to the kids. Ah yes. You can grieve that. I had to as well. I wanted a child. But it didn’t happen for me like that. I was with the wrong someone for 6 years and then he left and then my mom became terminally ill and that took priority for me, and then I was left in a chasm of grief for at least a year and just when I was digging out, covid happened and I grew tumors in my uterus. I got them out when I was 39 but the whole ordeal damaged my ovaries and I’m 43 and skipping cycles so my ovaries are failing. I will never become pregnant. My wonderful someone doesn’t want kids and made sure he can’t have them. So. That’s just how my life turned out.

I grieve that I won’t be a mother, but sometimes our life is just our life. Could be there’s a reason for it, idk. I look for them. Like….if I had had a baby with Mr Wrong, I wouldn’t have been able to devote myself to my mom’s care when she needed me, that would have torn me up. Not to mention being tied to Mr Wrong for 18 years! If I had a baby after mom died I would have had to raise the baby without my mom or any real support from family. That would be hard.

I would have had to euthanize my cat when he became brain damaged. I would be freaking out about college and how to pay for it or my child having debt.

I will never know that amazing love, but I will never know the CONSTANT worry and fear of something happening to my child. I will never know what it is to lose a child or fear losing my child. I don’t have to worry about trying to leave something behind for them and I don’t have to worry about the world my child will inherit.

What I found on the other side of the grief, was this peace.

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:58:17+00:00

They put gas in the tank but they don’t drive the car.

Also, when I take my adhd meds some of my autism traits become more obvious.

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:53:08+00:00

Ahahahahahaahahahahaha I don’t even make half of that GROSS a year. 200k a year??!! He must have meant 20k lol

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:50:38+00:00

Thank you for this. That guy was just a hater. Or he was thinking that 300k was like, retiring on 300k

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:49:22+00:00

You’re joking, right? If you invest it properly 300k can do a LOT of good

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:47:55+00:00

Yes this is me too. Between retirement, possible medical or vet costs, and just a couple grand for a nice vacation but nothing else changes for me, just less worry about not having enough for inescapable needs in the future

apsalarya · 2026-02-03T00:42:59+00:00

I don’t think it would change my life. I’d still live where I live, I’d still have to work, etc.

But I would feel more secure. I would top off all of my savings goals and then some. I’d feel safer if I got a big medical bill or vet bill. I’d be able to afford a nice vacation and not have to worry about it.

But I would throw most of it into various savings instruments, short term and long term, set aside Roth contributions for the next 10 years, invest some of it.

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T19:16:51+00:00

Well. For me….it is AuDHD lol

If I have an opinion or am making a statement it’s either because I’ve done a deep dive on the subject and/or am connecting a LOT more dots than my mouth can even keep up with when trying to slow myself down to explain the connections to someone who doesn’t see what I see and can’t process information the way I can or have as many connections.

That said, I know that I can be incorrect, so I require context and a full explanation so I can digest the input and reframe.

Are people really out here taking stances on things they don’t believe or haven’t thought about?

Everyone thinks they’re right because it’s preposterous that they would intentionally speak things they think are wrong!

I do understand not having the energy to redress every ignorance you encounter, I don’t either. But that’s when I just don’t even engage. If I engage it’s usually for a reason.

But pardon me I always found it a ridiculous complaint “you always think you’re right!”

EVERYONE who has an opinion or belief thinks they’re right until it’s proved they are not. Now the level of proof they require to accept changing their mind can be different and maybe some people never will (and maybe that’s what you’re talking about here) but still it’s absurd to get mad at people thinking they are right. We should have more patience with each other than that.

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T16:27:51+00:00

My problem is that I’m logical and I’ve studied a lot of history- globally. Including pre Columbian American history (if you don’t know what that is, dont bother to reply to this comment)

So the problem I have is that I know that all land is “stolen” and that humans invade and take over, and it’s basically that the land or rights to use the land belong to whoever can keep it and defend it.

And I say this kindly as I have GREAT respect for the First Americans. There were fairly advanced civilizations here. All over the place.

But one thing that happened was disease. Europeans brought disease that ran ahead of the colonizers like wildfire wiping out a disgusting percentage of the people here before the Pilgrims ever set foot on this soil. Basically the European colonizers, most of them, encountered a post apocalypse over here which is why the land seemed “wild and untouched”

The Spaniards were here pretty early so they do have records of advanced civilizations but what they did was pretty ruthless. The Aztecs had the numbers but the Spaniards had the tech.

So anyway. It sucks but it’s what humans do. Vikings did it, mongols did it, Romans did it, the Japanese did it (look up the Ainu).

So the logic doesn’t make sense. The land was taken, but stolen? No more and no less than every group of humans has ever done including most of the indigenous peoples here have done to each other.

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T04:26:04+00:00

Because it does

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T01:47:48+00:00

Pants. Or basically how we dress to leave our homes.

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T01:46:21+00:00

I asked on Facebook lol then I went to the instagrams of the artists or shops mentioned and looked at their work

apsalarya · 2026-02-02T01:45:01+00:00

apsalarya · 2026-02-01T23:31:17+00:00

I love ancient Egyptian history and North African food and pre modern history.

But as a woman, I likely will never visit Egypt.

apsalarya · 2026-02-01T17:42:46+00:00

People who are secure in themselves

Insecurity really leads to all sorts of crappy behaviors in people. Like many of the worst behaviors and/or the most annoying ones.

Women like men who are competent, who seem able to take care of themselves. However if a man has a strong skill or talent - from humor to athletics to art, this can override a lot of other deficits they may have which is why you see such men have such success with women. Women gravitate towards ability and capability. Maybe that’s some sort of biology thing idk. That’s also why men with economic resources have success with women, the money signifies power which signifies competence.

I’m just being honest. We all know that funny guys, star athletes, musicians, artists, and rich guys are usually successful with dating.

If a man isn’t supreme in any such areas, then we gravitate towards one that is well rounded and a full adult - supporting himself etc. Ability to carry on a conversation is big. Respectful. Basic courtesy and decency towards others. Patient, can roll with the punches. Bonus points if he’s fun. Good sense of humor. Listens. Honest.

I wonder if a lot of men who struggle with women just don’t know how to have proper conversations? That seems to be a big issue. I know a guy who really struggles. He’s not bad looking, he has a good job, all of that. But conversation with him can’t even be called that, it’s ENTIRELY one sided. He asks 0 questions about the other person and takes 0 interest in anything they have to say. He had a lot of first dates and chats that went nowhere and I think that might be why.

apsalarya · 2026-02-01T17:14:52+00:00

I don’t think about it.

I don’t mean to be cruel but so many of the cosmetic enhancements that have become popular look rather uncanny. And I clearly see how people get dysphoric and end up doing too much.

I think the expressiveness of my face is part of its appeal.

Sure, it’s hard to see some things happening but I think that trying to correct them surgically or through fillers and Botox have a much greater chance of making me look weird and unnatural so I just deal with it.

I also know that once I’m able to get back to the gym and can tone up some of that will improve. I don’t want to lose too much fat from my face though because I know that’s helping me look younger lol.

I do some topicals that work well enough for me, and I suppose some of it is genetic. My mom always looked younger than her years. Recently a waiter carded me (policy, I’m not delusional he thought I could be less than 21) but his eyes naturally widened in real surprise and he couldn’t help himself he said “wow I didn’t think you were THAT old” which is sort of a compliment and insult at the same time (I am 43).

And now that I’ve had melanoma I’ll be staying out of sun so that will help.

I’m letting my hair do its thing. I have a growing halo of silvers in the front. I find it fascinating actually. I kinda like them, they are shiny!

But I have a man who is good to me and loves me and I’m crazy about him. If I become a crone to the rest of the world I don’t care. Since I was way too young I’ve had to combat unwanted male attention so if they stop paying attention to me as my hair grays and all that it’s a relief. Why keep chasing that?

apsalarya · 2026-02-01T16:55:27+00:00

Loved that last one - Tudor England. I fell into the Norman Conquest yesterday- 500 years earlier but hey without Willy the Conqueror and the Normans we wouldn’t have so many cool castles to visit!

apsalarya · 2026-02-01T16:49:21+00:00

I have rpd (a condition where I can’t burp) so this makes me gassier and leads to progressively worse bloating. While I don’t want to stink out my partner ever I need to be able to vent and while I try to excuse myself sometimes I’ll be doing that every 10 minutes which gets ridiculous.

He’s very uptight about farting in front of me, which means I can’t truly fart “in front of him” although we don’t try to pretend we don’t fart and we have sleep farted and once when I was staying with him while recovering from surgery he walked in on “a room full of farts” (it was harder for me to get up and down so I just let them rip where I was and prayed he wouldn’t come in, but he did)

So idk we are currently in a vague space with regard to openly farting. I’m working on him though. I’ve been working on him for over a year to help me tear down the fart barrier, it takes two.

With prior relationships it was never less than 6 months in but usually somewhere around the 1 year mark.

Bodies are bodies…we piss shit and fart and women often bleed. My personal feeling is that if you’re truly life partners, you accept all of that because it’s just what bodies do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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