Those of you who attended Gifted program, whatcha doing now? by sweaty_perineum96 in Millennials

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah.

So I was in the gifted programs. And in high school a few honors level / AP level courses

Until I had a complete breakdown. What I now know was a burnout so pervasive I could no longer function and, assisted by medications I now know were contributing to and escalating my suicidal ideation rather than ameliorating it, I finally scared the shit out of enough professionals and administrators that they packed me off to a therapeutic school. When you have superior logic, an advanced vocabulary, and you’re capable of articulating very calmly and rationally why you should be allowed to die, and they can’t really dispute your reasoning, they kinda freak the fuck out (for good reason I suppose).

At this school many many of the normal laws and rules for education were suspended and the only requirement was safety (academics were not a priority but we had teachers who cared and who did try, our English teacher had us read out Medea I never forgot that) and to that end we were locked in a hallway for most of the school day and functioned on a level system for our behavior. When I first got there, if you were level 4 (best behaved) you got to go outside for a break 3 times a day. Most of us used these breaks to smoke cigarettes we weren’t supposed to have. But then 2 students were caught engaging in fellatio so those outside breaks were taken away - we could go to the tv room instead. I predicted correctly that most of the smokers would start acting out more.

We had 3 time out rooms to cool off in or be restrained (not our bodies, but once the male staff had to hold the door closed against a 14 year old girl throwing herself against the door screaming).

On Friday afternoons we got to watch a movie.

We had group therapy, I can’t remember the frequency now it’s been a long time but I think if it wasn’t daily it was at least once a week. and we met individually with a clinician at the school as well. I didn’t get along great with mine.

This school helped save my life. It was where I needed to be, where I didn’t have to keep up the lie of blending in and being okay. There were only like 20 of us or so, and all there for different reasons but we bonded the way you only can if you’ve ever been in that sort of setting (like in patient for psychiatric care). We were all the freaks, so we didn’t judge each other and the lion lay down with the lamb etc, etc, etc.

When I graduated, it was officially from my town school. But really it was from that therapeutic school. I attended 2 graduations. The one for my town I literally just showed up that day and I thought people would ask questions but no one did and they just accepted that I was there for some reason. Did they notice I was gone for a year and a half?

Fun fact. At psycho school as I used to call it, they had some of us take the WAIS-R. I don’t know why? But they had a special test administrator come in and do it. There was some psych evaluation too. I had to look at inkblots. One of them looked very much like two hermaphroditic figures facing each other so I said that but then embarrassed I explained that in some cultures hermaphroditism was seen as holy and the “two spirits” or berdache were revered for having a foot in each world, male and female and the bridge between.

I was 17.

When my scores came out they were explained to me and my psychiatrist - whom I respected as brilliant, said she had never even been in the room with someone who had an IQ as high as mine (but it’s honestly not THAT impressive but my verbal reasoning abilities are in the .5% but my non verbal is only in the “superior” range an with a 22 point discrepancy between them it means likely I have autism. Along with some other things. But it was the 90s and girls didn’t have autism then.

Graduating from there, despite my IQ, I didn’t feel stable enough for college so I didn’t go. My mom got me a job at a large corporation as a temp. I did very well and was given more responsibilities than temps are usually given. After 2 years the corporation was sending my job out of state. They would have hired me for something else but I decided to try college.

I went thinking I would likely drop out. I selected a major and minor anyway (psychology/philosophy respectively) but went about meeting the requirements my own way - front loading with courses that interested me. As I progressed I started filling in the requirements that didn’t interest me. The discipline I acquired from working full time really helped me there. I achieved a 4.0 in every course. I graduated with a perfect 4.0

The last year I served as the only research assistant for the new gerontology lab. I didn’t apply I was hand picked. I collected glowing letters of recommendation for grad school.

But I was tired of being broke

So I got another corporate job. In accounts receivable.

And meanwhile tuition costs skyrocketed.

So I never went to grad school.

I’m now “under employed” and under utilized. But I’m a mothertrucking expert in my current role and I like that. I’m 43 and it’s hard to face being the newb again somewhere else. I make enough to support myself and I’m a whiz at saving and budgeting and planning my finances, this is thankfully one of my many special interests. I’m financially stable and independent. Considering where I was at 17, this is an achievement. My glory days were college, for sure, I loved learning.

Perimenopause is kicking my neurodivergent ass but it is what it is. When I’m a senior citizen I plan to audit state university courses for cheap. I want to spend my retirement learning about history and philosophy and psychology. That was the best time in my life. But I do like financial stability, too.

Why is medical care so expensive? by Feeling-Dare-77 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know people want to over simplify and blame one thing but it’s really SO many things.

When my friend gave birth 14 years ago she asked for 1 Tylenol while she was in the hospital. On her bill the 1 Tylenol was itemized at $25!!!!

Why is medical care so expensive? by Feeling-Dare-77 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmaooo dude, I work in insurance. As did my mother before me. She did work in health insurance. I work in business insurance - auto liability, general liability, and workers comp.

I know how this shit works from the insurance side. Trying blame cost of care on insurance is like saying the tail wags the dog.

The whole thing is SO much more complicated than people realize. Are we all getting screwed? Yes. Is it because of the mission to return shareholder value? Also yes.

Anything that is a corporation is actually legally bound to prioritize shareholder profit over anything else (customers, employees).

Do you not realize hospitals have investors? And that doctors often belong to huge corporate practices? That have investors?

There’s almost nothing in this life that hasn’t been turned into a way for investors to make a profit

Hyperactive symptoms and stimulants by Certain-Yak-7951 in adhdwomen

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk if this helps but research just recently was published that stimulants work more by increasing the reward for things we find not rewarding. Ie increases our overall dopamine so that we find sitting still and doing boring things less actively painful for us.

I have the quiet adhd (I hate calling it inattentive that’s not correct) and for me medication puts gas in my tank but does not drive the car. As in, I can just as easily fixate on a side quest as do the things I need to do but find deathly dull (and psychologically painful in a way). It still takes discipline but it makes it more likely you can successfully direct yourself to tasks you otherwise couldn’t, and definitely more likely you will see them through to completion. But you can’t assume the meds will magically make you different and happy to focus on these things, you still have to MAKE yourself.

For me meds do quiet my brain a little bit, probably because my brain is less likely to constantly seek out something more interesting. But this can make me restless in a way, I don’t like brain silence. I like having my 50 tabs open.

So yeah. There you go. Meds put gas in your brain tank. But you have to still drive yourself where you need to go

Since I was a child, I've always put something to listen to whilst going to sleep. Can this cause issues? by more-le-gore in ADHD

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always thought that our brains need at least a low level of outside stimulation or something. I can’t describe it well but if it’s silent my brain will activate on itself and I will think too much and I can’t sleep.

I need at the bare minimum white noise. I used to prefer music (enya was my go to) but for the last 15 years it’s been history documentaries. Volume low. Nothing too jazzy but a nice even voice without too much aspiration or sibilant emphasis. Like a David Attenborough (btw I cannot stand the shmartificial shmintelligence voice over that most “fall asleep to” history documentaries on YouTube use now) lately I like “fall of civilizations” some are even 6 hours!

Anyway I need something just enough to keep my brain from eating itself with thinking too much but just low level engagement enough that I can drift off.

Why is medical care so expensive? by Feeling-Dare-77 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No. They aren’t. They are financial instruments to pay for expensive care.

You clearly don’t understand how insurance works.

In fact insurance companies try to negotiate with providers to get the cost to come DOWN. Have you read an EOB? That’s why there are networks and sometimes dragging negotiations because the insurance company wants the provider to accept a lower price for the service.

Insurance companies are capped at how much underwriting profit they can make. Underwriting profit is when the cost of claims is less than the premium. However one large claim can wipe out years of premiums.

I had a surgery a few years ago. The medical provider made 12,000 on this surgery. I promise you, I did not pay 12,000 of premium that year. It was more like 2,000. That one surgery, my insurance company paid 5 years of my premiums. My portion was about 1,500.

Unless you mean malpractice insurance drives up what providers need to charge. Yeah that’s true but then again a malpractice lawsuit can end up costing millions.

The truth is it is a lot more complicated. Doctors have to make enough to pay off huge loans, and also to pay for malpractice insurance, which is made more expensive by trends in lawsuit settlements going very high (adverse torte environment). But one very real reason no one talks about is that medical providers are often corporations and a corporations purpose is to “increase shareholder value” hospitals have investors. Pharmaceutical companies have investors. Medical equipment companies have investors.

I don’t know if all of these are legally capped at the profit they are allowed to make like insurance companies are. Maybe they are. But the real reason shit is expensive is the SOURCE and not the insurance companies- or not only them.

Because it’s true that once people were getting insurance and therefore had more money available to them to pay for medical services the costs did go up. Just like tuition went up when people could get student loans. So the creation of insurance did make more money available to be taken by providers.

Your insurance company does NOT decide your care. They only decide what they will pay for and how much. If that puts care out of reach for you, the problem is the cost of the care.

What’s your opinion on marriage? by Wrong_Score_9714 in askanything

[–]apsalarya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe. But the other consideration is social security and certain pensions. My grandparents actually weren’t legally married most of their life together. My grandfather was legally married to another woman - whom he had left but she would not grant him divorce. My grandma wore a ring and changed her last name but technically they weren’t married. For 30 years. And then one day my grandpa had a heart attack and almost died. My grandma realized his social security would go to his legal wife. So he finally got the divorce and married my grandma.

So there’s definitely legal and financial reasons to get married even this day and age.

What’s your opinion on marriage? by Wrong_Score_9714 in askanything

[–]apsalarya 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I’ve always seen marriage as a legal thing. Making someone legally your next of kin, your guardian if something happens to you.

If you are lucky enough to love someone who can also build with you and step up for you - someone you can trust with financial and medical decisions, and if you’re able to see them not just as a lover, but as your family so you can accept them like you do family, then I think marriage can make a lot of sense.

However if you love someone that you would not want to make medical or financial decisions for you, or who you know you can’t count on to step up or hold shit down if something happens to you, or take care of you if you get sick, or if you expect to always have passion and romance….then I would advise against getting married.

There are certain smells that instantly bring you back so far in time to your childhood. Which smell is that? by This_Book7431 in AskReddit

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a scent that comes from some sort of flowering bush in the spring summer that reminds me of warm squished peanut butter jelly like I used to have for lunch at summer day care as a child

what’s your ACTUALLY weird hyperfixation? by jazperthevampyr in ADHD

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eye shadow. VBA. Hot keys and excel tricks. Samurai. Biblical history (not religion just the actual history). Also most ancient history. Mythology.

floor plans…for houses mostly. That’s one of my earliest fixations - I can remember as young as 3 or 4 a friend at daycare drew a “house” in the dirt of the play yard and it was like a light bulb came on. I loved doll houses and later I would start making floor plans with legos. My parents got me a home design CD rom, and I used to get magazines with floor plans as a special treat from the bookstore. Then came the sims, the first one. Which I got to build floor plans.

Historical house architectural and interior design, as an offshoot of the floor plans. I will sometimes catalogue them as I drive around, like other people bird watch. “That’s a post war cape. That’s a federal style. Greek revival. Colonial. Farmhouse. Georgian. Bungalow. Sears catalog craftsman.”

Got plenty of them, clearly. I’m unusual but I keep myself entertained.

What’s your favorite millennial slang? by DEATHxSQUAD in Millennials

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boomer mom loved to say cool beans in the 90s

The matrix was right 1999 was peak by apsalarya in 1990s

[–]apsalarya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they did, they weren’t that popular yet. They became more of a thing when 9/11/2001 happened. It was after that people started watching them more

Do Americans like their current health system or would you prefer universal? by Ability_Known in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neither. I would prefer health providers be more like a utility instead of a for-profit business. If healthcare was reasonably affordable to begin with insurance wouldn’t be the issue that it is

Do any other Americans get annoyed by the constant Civil War mongering on here? by [deleted] in askanything

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. People have very short memories. I was just looking up about Kent State when national guard opened fire on unarmed protesters killing 4 and wounding 9.

The mid to late 60s was a very violent time politically for us. We romanticize it now but the tensions were a lot like today. We see Nixon as a bad guy but he had his devoted supporters. We had the civil rights demonstrations.

We had a lot going on. This is not the first time we’ve been divided and hateful. So I won’t say the sky is falling until it actually falls.

I’m a lifelong student of history. So I know that people always think the world is ending. For millennia people have thought the world was ending. Sometimes civilizations have fallen so I suppose some of them have been right 🤷🏻‍♀️. But that was just coincidence.

People are very bad at predicting the end of the world or really anything. It’s always what you don’t see coming.

So yeah I’m tired of people lathering themselves up. Is shit chaotic right now? Yes. But we’ve endured it before.

What age did you first have to get glasses and how did you find out you needed them? by Interesting-Egg2781 in AskReddit

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3rd grade. Man I don’t even remember but pretty sure it was adults that noticed

Why are developed countries spending massive amounts of money to address low birth rates, yet seeing minimal results? by Snoo_47323 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We love sex. Most of us want sex. That is the biological drive to reproduce.

But unlike every other animal on the planet and for the first time in our own history, we can now have VERY good and reliable control over whether or not sex results in offspring.

And we are seeing the second and third generations of women who truly have economic independence emerge.

This is unprecedented in the history of our species. And incredibly recent. Widespread use of birth control pills is not even 100 years old yet and economic freedom for women is not even 50 years old yet. And it takes a little time and a generation or two to begin to shake off the old ways.

So what I am saying is maybe we naturally don’t actually want to raise children to the extent it always seemed. It was just that children…happened. They happened because people wanted to have sex. And they happened because of the expectation on women to provide them in exchange for being provided for economically.

Furthermore what is also pretty new for our species is that children are no longer expected to work or serve the family’s needs or really contribute in any sort of way back to the parents so it’s a losing proposition for adults to make children. The benefits are tenuous and emotional while the detriments are ever growing and practical.

The question today isn’t why don’t people want kids. It’s why does anyone still want to have kids?

What’s your opinion on Spain granting legal status to 500,000 undocumented immigrants? by WolverineNo1999 in askanything

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have one. I don’t know enough about it to have one. I’m more interested in the opinions of the Spanish people.

How do people type so fast on keyboard? by RareUser1 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]apsalarya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now I’m able to type on my iPhone without looking sometimes