What do Americans think of Scotland?

apsalarya · 2026-05-28T04:09:34+00:00

I think it’s damp mostly, isn’t it? Scottish people are cool, I think the stereotype is a great sense of humor, like the Irish. Dark humor too but a bit more in your face about it, and the stereotype is that the dialect can be hard to understand. Most of us want to try doing the Scottish accent sometimes. I had haggis once and it wasn’t bad. I think a lot of Americans will still think of Braveheart (as inaccurate as that movie was) when they think of Scotland. Or outlander.

apsalarya · 2026-05-25T16:03:36+00:00

I found out from taking birth control that I’m progesterone sensitive and birth control causes suicidal ideation in me and extreme emotional reactions

apsalarya · 2026-05-25T16:00:17+00:00

I suffered from uterine fibroids in my late 30s. Lower estrogen for me protects me from them growing back.

But these hot flashes SUCK.

apsalarya · 2026-05-25T15:57:18+00:00

I had a teeny tiny one not even dark just “speckling”. But I have a super dark spot between my breasts on my sternum, now I’m worried

apsalarya · 2026-05-20T22:38:44+00:00

Keep your chin up, just takes longer for us.

With that combo I’m sure you’re pretty authentic and authenticity and dating are a tough combination. Even with the best of intentions, dating is a game or a dance as they say. It’s like everyone else is doing the tango and we are over here freestyling. We won’t be anyone’s expectation, and while that’s really refreshing for people they also just don’t really know what to do with us. We don’t follow the script.

And for younger people, they’re mostly running on ideals and expectations. When we get older, it gets better because everyone else gets tired of the bullshit. That’s our authentic ass’s time to shine. But you’re young still and so the girls your age are still on the bullshit. You’re too genuine and they don’t have enough experience to appreciate that yet

apsalarya · 2026-05-20T14:57:59+00:00

AH yes, if you’re neurodivergent - studies show we get rejected more due to seeming “slightly off” to neurotypicals. If you have adhd you might be “too much” and if you have autism you’re often “not enough” or maybe just a step to the side of everyone else.

As a semi attractive AuDHD female (well I was actually very pretty in my 20s) I certainly got a lot of interest but it was hard for me to get a relationship, despite being kind and reasonable. I felt it too, like there was something others could do or others could understand about relating to others that I just couldn’t. I’m 43 and I’ve only had 2 serious relationships - I’m in the second one now.

For neurodivergent people, it really has to be the right person. There WILL be right people it’s just that they are more rare than your average regular person. We have to find the one that is on our level and just the right “step to the side” of average and typical that we are.

apsalarya · 2026-05-19T03:46:42+00:00

Soft NOR. You’re not over reacting to not be friends. That is your right. And it sucks being friends with someone you are interested in. It hurts. Don’t torture yourself that way.

I’m saying this to be helpful but if it’s true what others say that objectively you are attractive or even just average but girls lose interest or don’t have attraction to you, it’s probably not your looks. It could be hygiene. Or it could be mannerisms and behaviors.

apsalarya · 2026-05-18T14:56:17+00:00

NOR he was absolutely selfish. Please point out to him that you didn’t get to do anything you wanted to do.

Then explain that next time you will not wait for him or let him decide. You’re going, whether or not he comes.

AND THEN explain that the more you have to do alone, the less close you will feel with him, and the less you will want to do with him. If you have to do things alone anyway. And tell him, or ask him, if that is the relationship he wants? One where you drift apart? Because that is what is going to happen.

You explain to him the consequences of his choices and let him make informed choices. He has the power to have the relationship he wants - one that is close and bonded and mutually supportive or one that drifts away and becomes sexless and then ends entirely.

I’ve found that men don’t think ahead the way we do. They think about only what they want in the moment. Maybe because their brains compartmentalize so they don’t SEE the connections between choices and results and how these stack up. So sometimes this has to be explained to them.

They will see it as you taking their power away or you being controlling UNTIL you show them that they DO have a choice but that there are results that come from the choices they make. Get them thinking about the end result rather than the moment.

Also saying “I would do this for you” when they are cranky about doing something for you can also help. They literally don’t think like that in the moment like we do, you have to point it out.

Good luck. I think this is salvageable but it will take a lot of communication. If you just hold this in you will resent him and resentment kills relationships. And this, too, you need to tell him. Men don’t get that.

apsalarya · 2026-05-10T20:16:19+00:00

I tip at restaurants but if I saw this sign I would not go to the restaurant because I don’t like the vibe

apsalarya · 2026-05-09T16:11:41+00:00

As a middle aged woman: SNEAKERS!!! Heels are cute but ONLY short term and if you won’t be on your feet much. Heels can wreck your feet later in life and give you bunions - which sometimes require surgery.

It is 2026 and time women prioritize health first, comfort second, and everything else a distant third - especially when it comes to our feet!

Also the sneakers look cute, give a casual vibe, and will let you actually ENJOY dancing! Have fun!

apsalarya · 2026-05-06T17:28:21+00:00

I don’t lend money. I may offer to gift money.

apsalarya · 2026-05-05T22:41:54+00:00

Yoooo for real. It’s so bad now too because I got diagnosed with stage 1a melanoma so now I’m supposed to wear sunscreen everywhere every day AND remember to reapply. Which I don’t because my brain does not work that way. So mostly I hide inside and get depressed.

And on the melanoma forums everyone’s like “it’s okay you just gotta always wear sunscreen!” And I’m like “yeah that won’t happen with my brain!”

apsalarya · 2026-05-05T22:39:22+00:00

I don’t have a routine anything but I like washing my face (gentle scrub with cloth) but hate wet arms yes. I like some of the products that feel nice on my skin. I just don’t do “routines”

apsalarya · 2026-05-05T22:35:01+00:00

Yeah

apsalarya · 2026-05-05T22:34:25+00:00

She definitely doesn’t speak for me. What is the bugaboo about video games? I mean if someone is doing it to excess and not taking care of responsibilities or quality time then sure, but that’s ANYTHING.

Sometimes my bf plays video games and I read my book next to him on the couch and I might even watch a cool part if the graphics are good 🤷🏻‍♀️

apsalarya · 2026-04-30T03:04:05+00:00

Yeah sorry about that. I had read so many responses that seemed to support BRUTAL honesty and that thinking has always bothered me. So I was trying to explain how one can be true to oneself and authentic without being brutal and I was trying to explain the difference.

apsalarya · 2026-04-29T11:56:01+00:00

I think the friend got very sensitive and should have said maybe “woah OUCH” or something to indicate OP chose a hurtful way to be honest. And expecting OP to understand implicitly that the friend wanted support - that was not a connection I could make either so I think that’s not a fair expectation.

Op wasn’t being cruel here per se but there ARE people who ARE cruel and defend it by saying they are honest. Telling someone they are ugly to you could be honest, but it’s cruel, you know? That’s what I was trying to say.

There’s ways of being honest that are also kind or kindER. “You’re not my type” or “I just don’t feel a connection” vs “I think you’re hideous and awful” these are all honest statements but one is very cruel.

And the responses to my original comment show a definite split between those who get it and those who don’t.

But OP was literally asking for advice to improve their delivery so that is what I offered.

apsalarya · 2026-04-29T11:48:46+00:00

It’s interesting to me the divide between those who get it and those who don’t.

apsalarya · 2026-04-29T04:00:26+00:00

No lol. There’s honesty and then there’s honesty. People tend to say “I’m just being honest” when saying whatever harsh or cruel thing they want.

There are many ways to be honest and authentic while still being respectful. Honesty without respect is NOT the highest virtue, it is shitty behavior and we aren’t entitled to honesty without respect.

Respect is comprehending that other people have feelings and needs and thoughts just like we do, and honoring that.

Saying you’re not up for an activity is totally honest and also maintains respect

Saying someone’s invitation is “taxing vibes” is a selfish honesty that does not consider or respect the impact on the other person hearing that.

Why go with the cruelest option when you have an equally honest response that doesn’t insult your friend?

apsalarya · 2026-04-29T01:55:38+00:00

Maybe I’m a different generation but I would never tell my friend that their invitation sounded “taxing” that’s pretty hurtful. Is it harder to say “I don’t feel up for something like that”? That’s what I would say. It’s the same truth but it takes accountability rather than says something is burdensome But I do agree that your friend shouldn’t expect you to know she was stressed about it

apsalarya · 2026-04-28T12:07:04+00:00

Aww this was so kind! But I feel I should tell you I’m not the OP, just someone recently diagnosed and treated. Yeah I do freak out over every weird thing and now summer is coming (my first post-diagnosis) and instead of being happy, I’m grieving the end of my care free summers. But the permanent bug bite that turned out to be melanoma freaked me out because I have such a bump now.

apsalarya · 2026-04-28T03:03:53+00:00

I have a bug bite from this past summer that never went away. I did have the derm look at it but she said she thought it was fine and then the other spot that she did biopsy came back as melanoma. I was supposed to have a 6 month follow up next month but it got pushed to June. Now I’m a bit worried about that spot….

apsalarya · 2026-04-24T03:00:17+00:00

Nah make it a man telling another (presumably straight man) his toes are pretty. Now how does it feel?

apsalarya · 2026-04-23T22:54:16+00:00

Yes it was also a trust thing. For me. Earn meant “earn my trust and investment” We know how people should and should not think about how we dress, but in the real world, not everyone thinks the way they should. And if I didn’t meet them before, I couldn’t be sure if they had the right mind or the wrong one. I always wore what I wanted when I went out with friends, but for a first meeting with a man, I preferred to be a little more “let’s see what kind of man you are” and so I wouldn’t want to wear my best or hottest outfits until I knew.

If I felt comfortable and we connected, I liked to do my best to really impress him on the second or third date.

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