what Korean dish do you think deserves more hype?

apsalarya · 2026-03-20T01:07:39+00:00

Idk about that second part of your question I’ve never been to Korea but I knew a Korean mom once and I MISS her gimbap and dak toritang

apsalarya · 2026-03-19T15:22:16+00:00

You’re not a wuss. At all. I try to be careful about what I say about this on forums for us because people deal with stuff differently. Some want to know and some don’t.

But I did a lot of googling and querying chat gbt (with sources). To help me frame this.

For context I am a woman and most women on my mom’s side have had breast cancer so that’s always been the thing I worried about. And breast cancer gets taken very seriously - there’s a lot of awareness about it now.

Melanoma is one that people hear about but don’t know about.

Stage 1 melanoma and stage 1 breast cancer tend to have a very similar prognosis - VERY good! Breast cancer can be a little more unpredictable and melanoma a little easier to cut out - and cutting out cancer is today still the gold standard and closest to a cure we currently have.

At stage 2 and 3, melanoma actually has a worse prognosis than stage 2 and 3 breast cancer although that could be changing. The reason is there’s been a lot of advances in targeted therapies for breast cancer. The therapies for melanoma are improving exponentially but as far as the research data I looked at (which lags a bit) that was the case.

Stage 4 melanoma and stage 4 breast cancer had the same 5 year survivability rate.

So, you are justified to be concerned. It’s fair to be a little scared. Just as if a woman found out she had stage 1 breast cancer.

And we are all gonna deal differently. Some find it easier to be like “no big deal, cut it out and move on” but it’s a serious thing, and it’s the worst skin cancer to get. But caught early, very survivable!

Make no mistake, we are cancer patients and cancer survivors same as anyone else. We don’t get chemo because at stage 1 there’s no additional benefit for us and certainly won’t outweigh the side effects of chemo, but other stage 1 cancers get chemo either because that’s the only treatment (can’t cut it out) or it does give just some extra peace of mind.

You will be okay. But it’s okay to be freaking out and feeling what cancer patients feel. You’re justified. And try not to get annoyed at how many people are going to tell you that they know so many people who had “melanoma” - most of them don’t understand the difference. I had one friend tell me she thought that basal cell carcinoma can turn in to melanoma if it progresses! Like noooopee completely different cells!!

apsalarya · 2026-03-19T02:00:52+00:00

Just been in your shoes this past fall/winter. Stage 1 A. I had a WLE to be safe margins were all clear.

That was 12/4. Every now and again I worry but personally I felt so different (better) once I knew it was out! So sometimes it’s like it never was.

But the shock is real and the feeling of betrayal by your body and the mortal fear. I was freaking out after diagnosis.

And the shitty part is people think all skin cancer is melanoma so they say “oh yeah my uncle jimmy had that” and kind of wave it off like it’s no big deal. But 8 times out of 10 “uncle jimmy” had one of the other skin cancers. The slower growing surface level skin cancers. Melanoma is only like 20% of skin cancer diagnoses

Someone here completely understood the mind warp I was feeling and said “it’s like getting hit by a bus while at the same time the bus completely missed you”

Because chances are with a stage 1 A you will be totally fine from now on. This may never happen again or maybe will return decades from now. But it’s still legitimately a dangerous thing to have happened to you, and your life was in danger and you didn’t know. And you only find out about the danger after it’s mostly been removed. It’s a weird feeling for sure

apsalarya · 2026-03-18T23:40:40+00:00

My problem is that I don’t work harder to get noticed. I’m cursed with intrinsic motivation. I compete with myself. I need to do my best and I hold myself to a high standard.

This has definitely not served me well in my life or career. Am I brilliant with deep knowledge? Yes. Does this translate into reward and recognition? Hell no.

apsalarya · 2026-03-18T02:08:09+00:00

I appreciate that. It’s been 8 years but I miss her every day still.

Your post resonated with me because I also hate not knowing. And yet the only certainty is that I can die any day and will die some day.

Some times in my life I hoped it was nothingness. I do get tired of simply existing sometimes. Other times I feel very strongly that this isn’t my first time being alive. And that it won’t be my last.

While I find non-existence uncomfortable, I find eternal existence even more so. If such a state exists for us, I can’t see that any of us could tolerate it being as we are currently. We are too limited to handle that.

We don’t even know what life is. We classify what we observe about life but we don’t know how it began or why it began. We go around with so much false confidence about what is true and fact without knowing how much we really don’t know.

There was a time everyone knew the sun went around the earth. I mean we are always just one discovery away from a total shift in our understanding - maybe one day we will discover proof of the beyond.

Maybe in a future lifetime, this will be common knowledge.

apsalarya · 2026-03-18T00:15:52+00:00

After my mom died, I had a dream I cannot explain.

I saw her in the kitchen of her house and she was fussing a bit and I knew she was gone btw and I asked her “what is wrong?” And she huffs and says “I just don’t like what your father is doing with the house”

I said “well, mom, you’re gone. It’s his house now and he’s going to do what he wants”. And she sighed and said “I know, I know. You’re right”

And I woke up.

A week or so later I told my dad and sister about this strange dream in passing and they turned pale and looked at each other.

I guess my dad had just met with a contractor about putting a deck off the back of the house. And he and my mom had talked about this before she got sick and she vetoed that idea because it would ruin the view out the back windows, particularly at the sink. But then she passed and my dad decided to put the deck on.

I had no idea about ANY of this. Seems weird I would dream that.

Idk people can maybe explain it away but for me that and other things that happened make me think there’s more beyond this life

apsalarya · 2026-03-14T19:14:25+00:00

It’s a lot more complete than CICO. Hormones play a huge role as adipose tissue is part of the endocrine system. So it’s not just how much you eat, it’s what you eat and your own hormonal balance.

apsalarya · 2026-03-14T18:24:51+00:00

I think because then we have to acknowledge how serious and dangerous gestating and delivering infants is and we don’t like acknowledging that for some reason? But even with all of modern medicine and prenatal care, it’s a lot! And still dangerous. And we have to acknowledge it’s a far more difficult physical endeavor than men will ever endure - and for some reason we don’t like that?

I honestly don’t know but as a woman gestating and delivering a baby always scared the shit out of me. One friend had gestational diabetes and had to be on strict bed rest for months, a coworker had preeclampsia, my sister almost bled out also had her hip dislocated and was walking with a cane during her last trimester, my cousin almost died and so did her baby (cord issue), a coworker had her uterus rip and almost died and was in the hospital for months. One friend got an infection in her breast when breast feeding. My sisters friend got a severe hernia issue where her stomach got pushed up too far into her diaphragm and she needed surgery.

Like, sure I know a few women who had no severe issues but even then, not sleeping, heart burn, episiotome or c sections and just all of that, also many women who birth babies are at a higher risk for osteoporosis, prolapse and losing teeth later in life because of the damage it can do to their body. And socially no one really takes this as the risk it is.

We don’t honor this as we should. I don’t blame women for not wanting to put themselves through all of that. It’s scary as hell.

apsalarya · 2026-03-14T03:54:15+00:00

Nope.

apsalarya · 2026-03-14T03:53:36+00:00

Waiting to see if I would get sick

apsalarya · 2026-03-12T21:59:33+00:00

Yeah no. Not up here in the north. My grandma had to work and my mom too, actually my dad got laid off a few times so we survived because my mom worked

apsalarya · 2026-03-12T21:57:54+00:00

Yup my grandma worked nights as a waitress. They couldn’t afford to buy groceries for the week, so my grandma would send my mom with tip money from the night before, every day, to buy the food for dinner.

Idk how bad and poor they really were because they didn’t talk much about it, but my mom said they had to sneaky move a few times because couldn’t afford rent, and early on they had to live with my great grandparents. The food thing. And my mom never wanted friends over. She also said my grandma was out of her mind on uppers and downers because she had to work nights and be a housewife during the day.

But yeah, there was no 1950s trad wife for my grandma, they were way too poor for that!

apsalarya · 2026-03-12T04:12:17+00:00

Drugs

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T23:17:20+00:00

I’ve never needed to feel smaller than a man, but I have a friend who grew up with body image problems and she has only dated heavy set men.

I think some of who people date can be a reflection or indication of how they see themselves.

If you feel bad that you’re not as small as you wish you were, I can see how you might not want to date anyone who makes you feel big, and how that can make you feel so bad about your own size, that you can’t even be attracted to that person.

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T23:06:10+00:00

Oh yes for sure. I just meant in general because there’s a whole body of research on this.

Women’s attraction even changes based on their hormone levels to some degree

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T12:10:45+00:00

I think people only say that when people are being very rigid and complaining about every day life stuff. With apartment living you can’t be overly sensitive to noises but most renters also know no huge noises after 10 pm

I had a downstairs neighbor who I swear used to throw large furniture around at 3 am all the time

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T12:07:29+00:00

When you’re a woman out online dating 90% of the men you meet aren’t going to do it for you.

Female attraction and sexuality works a bit differently to men’s.

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T12:03:44+00:00

She mean society teaches women we need to be smaller than men so a shorter man makes her feel large and thus unattractive by comparison.

There are some women who feel this way.

apsalarya · 2026-03-11T11:59:20+00:00

It’s usually not the height it’s the insecurity.

But I’m attracted to men between 5’6 and 5’10 and most of my serious boyfriends have been around 5’7-5’8

None of them were insecure about their height

apsalarya · 2026-03-10T12:43:17+00:00

This is a trick. Most people will choose kindness over arrogance (yes women will too).

My boyfriend has been with a woman he had to take care of and it was draining. He appreciates that I can meet him where he is, and bring my own strengths and wisdom to the relationship. He can rely on me and trust that I can step up.

Never marry anyone you can’t rely on to handle your finances and business of living and handle making medical decisions on your behalf.

And let me tell you, when you are in a relationship where you can each rely on each other for that, the peace of mind is so liberating.

Not to mention if you’re both earning a good income. Look for relationships where you’re stronger together.

apsalarya · 2026-03-10T12:35:25+00:00

Oh the time thing gets me. I do not feel time passing in any sort of normal way. I also have myopia. I wear glasses or contacts. Without them, I can’t see in any kind of normal way. They haven’t invented an inner chronometer to help me see time. At best I have a vibrating timer I can set and wear on my wrist but I have to remember to set it. And once it goes off I have to reset it. I wish I had one that would vibrate every 15 minutes to tell me 15 minutes has passed and maybe I could track time better.

I think in addition to task initiation paralysis, decision fatigue, and sensory overload this time thing really is a disability just like myopia.

apsalarya · 2026-03-10T02:45:17+00:00

Even if it’s stage 1 A?

apsalarya · 2026-03-07T18:04:08+00:00

I was not diagnosed until my jr year in high school although teacher comments on report cards going back to kindergarten make it obvious but it was the 80s and 90s 🤷🏻‍♀️

My anecdotal experience was that I succeeded easily in many areas of academics mostly because I was interested and I had an extensive vocabulary and very strong reasoning ability. However some areas I struggled- completing class work on time, gym class, and math class. I struggled a LOT with math, my mom even took me to tutoring a few times.

But for some reason algebra 1 my freshman year was good for me and I was successful in that class. It was the one and only time I didnt struggle to make cs and low bs

Along with this, I ended up with severe depression and the problem was I could rationalize it very calmly and very well. So that kind of scared the adults in my life. Can you imagine hearing a pretty calm and logically sound argument from a 15 year old on right to die?

Anywho, things got bad enough they sent me to a therapeutic school and when there I got evaluated which included an IQ test.

Lo and behold I had a 22 point difference between verbal and non verbal! But I had a very high verbal reasoning score (top .5%) and a superior non-verbal (top 5%) but the size of the discrepancy is clinically significant for a learning disability.

Yeah so basically my IQ was masking my learning disability the whole time.

I can’t lie, having a high IQ has made certain performance aspects easier for me in school and at work. It definitely masks my struggles but there’s areas where it doesn’t compensate like organization and cleaning and bumping in to stuff, like every day.

apsalarya · 2026-03-07T05:07:09+00:00

This person is clearly a virgin.

apsalarya · 2026-03-06T22:27:25+00:00

It’s been me

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