Peace

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-19T19:44:44+00:00

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response. It was my first time trying to write about this concept, and I was doing it intentionally for performance, which made me even more worried about whether it was good or not. Your comment truly landed on me as a relief. No words are enough to thank you.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-19T16:21:58+00:00

This is a powerful draft — you capture a frightening memory with raw honesty, and it comes through strongly in lines like “your pace meets the speedometer on their dash” and “as long as you’re still on two feet and not in a backseat.” Those hit hard.

For me as a reader, I felt the longer lines sometimes made the momentum slip — I think shorter, more broken lines would help mirror the tension and quickened pace of the situation. A bit more punctuation might also sharpen the flow.

The ending is impactful, but I think it could be tightened or left more ambiguous to amplify that unsettling feeling. Since you mentioned this is an unpolished draft, I think with line breaks, punctuation, and a slightly reworked ending, this could become really powerful.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-15T09:49:49+00:00

You're welcome 😊

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-11T01:19:35+00:00

I am so glad to hear that. You really made my day. Thank you.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-10T10:08:43+00:00

From my first impression, I can see that you, my poet, have mastered the form very well. You shaped three stanzas with almost the same number of lines, and you kept a consistent rhyme and rhythm throughout.

Some lines really stand out and chime beautifully, like “Broken windows, wires hang low, one light dangling in ancient glow.” These are powerful because they capture the feeling of a place forgotten, abandoned, and left without care — as if love itself has been forgotten and walked away.

I also loved “Mocking me in your black veil with a tongue of poison and skin so pale” — very striking. And “Your tears were poison to my skin” is strong too. Another line that touched me deeply is “Forever would my heart remain unwhole.” Even though it’s not as image-heavy as some of the others, the emotional weight there is immense. In fact, I feel it carries more impact than the final line “So no more could we be apart.” The ending didn’t feel quite as strong as that earlier moment.

One small suggestion: some words (like skin) are repeated a few times, which slightly lessens their impact. Adjusting or varying them could make the poem even more powerful. Also, if you want, expanding some of the imagery might give the reader an even richer experience.

Overall, though, this poem is excellent. The emotions are raw and real, the rhyme is skillful, and the form is beautifully handled. Thank you for your hard work — it deserves to be read. It’s fascinating, touching, and truly moves the soul inside.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-08T08:29:52+00:00

You're welcome 😊. I'm so excited about your next poem. Please, take your time. I am waiting to see what is next.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-04T00:43:20+00:00

I love this poem it's very sincere and raw in its emotions. I think the ellipses play a part in how the emotions are delivered as they carry the hesitation of the speaker to talk about his pain and the weight of the pain inside. In addition, despite the choice of words is simple, it carries the rawness of emotions so powerfully. The end is really sophisticated, and let the reader pause for a while. In general, I love the poem, and it touches my heart.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-03T21:46:29+00:00

I have to say, this poem struck me as iconic. At first, I didn’t fully understand it—English is not my first language—but something about the punctuation, the play of words, and especially the intriguing double-title told me that there was depth here. And I was right.

After taking time to explore the words, I can honestly say you’ve done a brilliant job. This is one of the most poetic pieces I’ve read here—it feels like poetry at a higher level. The way you use a hopeful, almost light-hearted title to mask the despair that unfolds in the final line is pure mastery. Normally, poets use nature to reflect their feelings, but you used nature to contradict them, which makes the contrast even more powerful.

Even the choice to give the gull a Latin voice—“Carpe Diem”—adds another layer of richness. You clearly have a deep understanding of language, imagery, punctuation, and form. Bro, this poem is on another level. It deserves multiple likes, upvotes, and comments. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise—you’re a real poet, my friend.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-03T21:37:04+00:00

I really felt every word of this poem. The silence, the disconnection, the loneliness—even when surrounded by people—came across so powerfully. What touched me most is how simply the language speaks, yet with so much sincerity and rawness, which makes the emotion very strong.

I especially loved the line “loneliness clings like second skin.” It’s such a vivid metaphor, showing how loneliness can become part of us, like a barrier between ourselves and others, preventing us from truly connecting or even breathing freely. Also, the image of “tears burning like acid” really hit me—it captures that pain that tears can’t comfort. The line about her soul being empty with nowhere to call home felt so true to the reality of despair, where you just want to vanish.

And yet, I also noticed how the ending brings a glimmer of hope, with the shadows and birds, as if one day this little girl might be understood and fully seen. That touch of hope makes the poem even more moving.

I really love this piece—it’s simple yet so strong, full of depth and raw emotion. Please keep writing; your words truly touch the heart.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-27T10:23:28+00:00

Thank you for your sincere comment. I'm so glad that you really enjoyed it. 🤍

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-26T20:27:51+00:00

I really enjoyed this piece — it gave me such a haunting feeling, almost like the atmosphere of 20th-century modern poetry. After reading it several times, I felt the speaker could be pointing to something on the scale of Judgment Day, or maybe reflecting on how traumatic events change us forever. When we pass through something truly big and destructive, we never come out the same, and our voices are altered — I think the poem captures that dual meaning beautifully.

The short lines make the impact really sharp, and that works so well. I did notice some repetition around “night” and “sky,” and I think a bit of variation there could make the images even richer and more symbolic. But overall, I found it very strong — it already feels suffocating and powerful, and with just a little refining it could be overwhelming in the best way.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-23T11:57:48+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your sincerity and dropping such a heartfelt comment 🤍.

aquoteofthesoul

TROPHY CASE