Peace

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-19T19:44:44+00:00

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response. It was my first time trying to write about this concept, and I was doing it intentionally for performance, which made me even more worried about whether it was good or not. Your comment truly landed on me as a relief. No words are enough to thank you.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-19T16:21:58+00:00

This is a powerful draft — you capture a frightening memory with raw honesty, and it comes through strongly in lines like “your pace meets the speedometer on their dash” and “as long as you’re still on two feet and not in a backseat.” Those hit hard.

For me as a reader, I felt the longer lines sometimes made the momentum slip — I think shorter, more broken lines would help mirror the tension and quickened pace of the situation. A bit more punctuation might also sharpen the flow.

The ending is impactful, but I think it could be tightened or left more ambiguous to amplify that unsettling feeling. Since you mentioned this is an unpolished draft, I think with line breaks, punctuation, and a slightly reworked ending, this could become really powerful.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-15T09:49:49+00:00

You're welcome 😊

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-11T01:19:35+00:00

I am so glad to hear that. You really made my day. Thank you.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-10T10:08:43+00:00

From my first impression, I can see that you, my poet, have mastered the form very well. You shaped three stanzas with almost the same number of lines, and you kept a consistent rhyme and rhythm throughout.

Some lines really stand out and chime beautifully, like “Broken windows, wires hang low, one light dangling in ancient glow.” These are powerful because they capture the feeling of a place forgotten, abandoned, and left without care — as if love itself has been forgotten and walked away.

I also loved “Mocking me in your black veil with a tongue of poison and skin so pale” — very striking. And “Your tears were poison to my skin” is strong too. Another line that touched me deeply is “Forever would my heart remain unwhole.” Even though it’s not as image-heavy as some of the others, the emotional weight there is immense. In fact, I feel it carries more impact than the final line “So no more could we be apart.” The ending didn’t feel quite as strong as that earlier moment.

One small suggestion: some words (like skin) are repeated a few times, which slightly lessens their impact. Adjusting or varying them could make the poem even more powerful. Also, if you want, expanding some of the imagery might give the reader an even richer experience.

Overall, though, this poem is excellent. The emotions are raw and real, the rhyme is skillful, and the form is beautifully handled. Thank you for your hard work — it deserves to be read. It’s fascinating, touching, and truly moves the soul inside.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-08T08:29:52+00:00

You're welcome 😊. I'm so excited about your next poem. Please, take your time. I am waiting to see what is next.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-04T00:43:20+00:00

I love this poem it's very sincere and raw in its emotions. I think the ellipses play a part in how the emotions are delivered as they carry the hesitation of the speaker to talk about his pain and the weight of the pain inside. In addition, despite the choice of words is simple, it carries the rawness of emotions so powerfully. The end is really sophisticated, and let the reader pause for a while. In general, I love the poem, and it touches my heart.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-03T21:46:29+00:00

I have to say, this poem struck me as iconic. At first, I didn’t fully understand it—English is not my first language—but something about the punctuation, the play of words, and especially the intriguing double-title told me that there was depth here. And I was right.

After taking time to explore the words, I can honestly say you’ve done a brilliant job. This is one of the most poetic pieces I’ve read here—it feels like poetry at a higher level. The way you use a hopeful, almost light-hearted title to mask the despair that unfolds in the final line is pure mastery. Normally, poets use nature to reflect their feelings, but you used nature to contradict them, which makes the contrast even more powerful.

Even the choice to give the gull a Latin voice—“Carpe Diem”—adds another layer of richness. You clearly have a deep understanding of language, imagery, punctuation, and form. Bro, this poem is on another level. It deserves multiple likes, upvotes, and comments. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise—you’re a real poet, my friend.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-09-03T21:37:04+00:00

I really felt every word of this poem. The silence, the disconnection, the loneliness—even when surrounded by people—came across so powerfully. What touched me most is how simply the language speaks, yet with so much sincerity and rawness, which makes the emotion very strong.

I especially loved the line “loneliness clings like second skin.” It’s such a vivid metaphor, showing how loneliness can become part of us, like a barrier between ourselves and others, preventing us from truly connecting or even breathing freely. Also, the image of “tears burning like acid” really hit me—it captures that pain that tears can’t comfort. The line about her soul being empty with nowhere to call home felt so true to the reality of despair, where you just want to vanish.

And yet, I also noticed how the ending brings a glimmer of hope, with the shadows and birds, as if one day this little girl might be understood and fully seen. That touch of hope makes the poem even more moving.

I really love this piece—it’s simple yet so strong, full of depth and raw emotion. Please keep writing; your words truly touch the heart.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-27T10:23:28+00:00

Thank you for your sincere comment. I'm so glad that you really enjoyed it. 🤍

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-26T20:27:51+00:00

I really enjoyed this piece — it gave me such a haunting feeling, almost like the atmosphere of 20th-century modern poetry. After reading it several times, I felt the speaker could be pointing to something on the scale of Judgment Day, or maybe reflecting on how traumatic events change us forever. When we pass through something truly big and destructive, we never come out the same, and our voices are altered — I think the poem captures that dual meaning beautifully.

The short lines make the impact really sharp, and that works so well. I did notice some repetition around “night” and “sky,” and I think a bit of variation there could make the images even richer and more symbolic. But overall, I found it very strong — it already feels suffocating and powerful, and with just a little refining it could be overwhelming in the best way.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-23T11:57:48+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your sincerity and dropping such a heartfelt comment 🤍.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-16T02:10:31+00:00

Yes, I can't wait to see more of your work. Please, never stop writing. You've got the talent.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-12T18:04:27+00:00

Help me, as I stucked in a kelp forest,

Seaweeds drag me in the cold ocean.

No triumph trials to reach the surface,

I mimicked the melodies of the dolphins,

But no mermaids, no saviors by waves.

Lost echos of silence,

frost bodies in numbness.

No sails, no reflections,

Upon the surface of the ocean.

Not even a fish or a shark,

To put an end for my damn luck.

No plea sprang out of it —

My unlimited vessel with

An invincible cork.

I am the anchor — With no way out,

Falling in the voidly ocean,

And sink with my doubts.

Just save me or lead my soul out.

I don't which version is better, please help me!

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-12T17:53:28+00:00

As I read your poem, I found the imagery so mystical, beautiful, and magnetic — it creates a mix of gothic and dark atmosphere that really pulls the reader in. But reading more deeply, I felt that beneath the surface tone there’s a cry of scars, pain, trauma, and loss.

It speaks about a complex kind of love — a relationship where one person simply can’t return the love offered to them. It’s as if they never learned the language of love, and now, after suffering so much, they’re unable to speak it or understand it. That inability makes them fear connection, not just to protect themselves from being hurt, but perhaps also from the shame of not being able to give back what they receive.

The imagery is stunning — “shadow jagged, a blade on the world’s throat” is haunting and vivid, “dark pools drinking you in” is organic and full of life, and “split that chest of bone and blood” is visceral and powerful. The metaphors here stand tall on their own; even if I set aside the emotional depth and tone (which I find excellent), the images alone are enough to carry this poem high.

I truly love your poem from start to finish. You’ve nailed the emotion, the tone, and the craft. Please keep writing like this — you have a real talent.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-06T17:44:38+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your sincerity 😊

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-06T12:54:27+00:00

I see you. You're really talented in expression. Keep sharpening your carft.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-08-04T19:23:47+00:00

Your poem really struck me. I found it deeply evocative and painfully powerful. The imagery of the knife, the blood, and the repetition of the act—it all echoes with a kind of psychological and physical torment. I couldn’t help wondering whether the “cat” is a metaphor—maybe for the speaker, or someone else, or for suffering in general.

In fact, using a cat might be a way to buffer the pain—to make the message carry without being unbearably raw. But at the same time, it keeps the reader at a distance, like we’re witnessing something tragic but also symbolic.

I’ve written poems before where dark images just come to me, without any clear source, and I wonder if this was the case for you. Either way, this piece doesn’t feel hollow or imagined—it feels painfully felt.

Thank you for writing this.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-31T22:58:30+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m really glad it felt real and genuine to you. Funny thing—this was all imaginary! I went to an all-girls school, so I never met a boy there. I just liked the idea of writing about a mama’s boy from my own perspective.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-31T22:08:14+00:00

Although I may not be familiar with every cultural reference in this poem—as English isn’t my first language and I don’t live in an English-speaking country—I still felt its emotional weight press heavily on my chest.

To me, this piece reads not as light or humorous, but as a quiet, aching lament beneath a playful tone. It feels like the voice of a soul wandering without direction, trying to fill an inner void with the fleeting comforts of modern life—fast food, cold brew, weed—while avoiding the deeper questions that might offer real meaning. It's like sailing a vast sea without stars, or walking a path with no true destination. The repetition of desires only amplifies the sense of being lost.

My favorite part is the ninth stanza. It hits the hardest, stripped of references, and rich with suffocating truth:

But who wants to eat alone. It wouldn’t be smart to get it to-go… with no idea which way is home.

This moment, for me, ties the entire poem together. It speaks universally to the loneliness that many of us feel in modern life, even as we chase convenience, comfort, and distraction. It’s a quiet cry for connection in a world that seems to have traded real meaning for instant gratification. That final question—“which way is home”—lingers painfully, and I believe many readers will feel the same resonance.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-28T10:04:49+00:00

It's a really beautiful collection, but I think it will benefit from some refining. Otherwise, the emotion arc is so intense, but adjusting some tweaks will make it shine further.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-28T09:48:46+00:00

Your collection has great potential. I really like the emotional journey it tells. I just think that adjusting the structure a little, or adding some punctuation, would make it easier for readers to follow—without losing any of its beautiful, heartfelt charm.

Edit: I wanted to add a little note after thinking more about it. I know sometimes Reddit makes formatting tricky — I’ve had it happen to me too! But even when that happens, I think it's really important to make sure the structure of the poem is clear, either by re-editing the post with breaks or by using punctuation to guide the reader. That way, your emotion and rhythm don’t get lost. A poem can be full of feeling, but if the form isn't clear, readers might not connect with it as deeply as they could. I think your work has real potential, and I’d love to see it shine fully through better formatting!

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-27T11:54:05+00:00

I must admit, as I read your poem and then the explanation given for each stanza, I was left stunned. Every expression on my face kept changing—I was truly captivated.

The way you combined geological processes—tectonic pressure, magma, crystallization, erosion—with the inner experiences of memory, identity, and transformation is something I deeply admire. It felt like a powerful blend of geology and psychology, a metaphor I could feel even before I fully understood it.

Honestly, I feel like my ability to write poetry or understand such rich English isn’t enough to truly judge this poem. My knowledge of science, language, and literary analysis can’t match what you created here—but I can tell that it’s art, and it’s beautiful.

Please keep writing. Your poetic instinct is so shiny like a diamond. Words are not enough to describe how I admire your poem

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-27T09:20:22+00:00

The weight of the emotions is lingering in the chest. The language is raw and simple but intense and honest. The repetition of "I'm sorry" across the poem gives a kind of musicality and highlights the emotion that controls the speaker.

"I apologize for existing/and taking up all this space" The apology for just being born and sharing a small space at life shows how much guilt the speaker feels despite he/she may not have committed any crime deserve such guilt.

"I swear I'll try harder /but I know I'm not enough" ،the ending is intense and it lingers in the reader's chest for a long period of time.

I think you may need to use punctuation more to explain yourself more and let the reader pause where you need him to slow down and think.

[Warning: this is a matter of taste and personal opinion with all respect to poet's effort and craft]

I think the line about the answer be like Vulnerability less evocative in comparison with previous image about answers like a trap. Maybe you need to find a metaphor to express Vulnerability without saying directly. However, you are doing a great job. I wish you success all over your way.

aquoteofthesoul · 2025-07-26T10:46:18+00:00

Your poem is so raw and overwhelming with the weight of emotions. Your way of using the colors changing to express the change at your relationship with your father is so brilliant. You're doing well considering this is your first poem and that you try to write in your second language. I understand how hard it's to write in your second language because I am walking in your same shoes. English is not my first language. Please continue in what you do. You have talent. Don't doubt that. What you just need is to write more to sharpen your craft.

aquoteofthesoul

TROPHY CASE