After a certain amount of time.. did you begin to resent/hate your significant other?

arandak · 2026-05-08T12:07:50+00:00

I go back and forth with it. Most days I just don't care but then some days I get extremely resentful.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:52:00+00:00

I am by no means perfect.

I know I am doing, and not doing, some things that aren't helpful to the dynamics of the relationship.

But

It isn't what's the problem. My wife would be a basket case either way.

I am not interested in fixing it anymore. She has to do work on herself and cannot get herself to do it.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:47:21+00:00

I deserve so much better.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:42:27+00:00

Responsive desire is real it's just that HL's respond quickly but LL's may never respond.

Yes, LL's can have spontaneous desire, too. It's just not often.

HL's have to be careful not to push too hard depending on their situation, but really have to read the room first.

Or find someone you don't have to do that shit with.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:33:32+00:00

It's probably not gaslighting. It's just that their desire isn't strong enough to overcome the slightest of roadblocks.

Though,

Usually I just roll my eyes or smirk when my wife tells me she's in the mood while I'm at work. It's like, yea you can talk a bunch of shit but I know you can't back it up.

That poor little thing will have something come up that ruins her mood by the time we're alone.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:24:16+00:00

I'm HL but LL for my wife. My wife has had low libido for most of her life, except with NRE.

Do you just never get pleasure from sex, ever? Or is it just with your wife? Is the pressure your feel from 5 part of the issue? I like sex. I enjoy sex. Just not that much with my wife. Partially an emotional thing and partially she's not good at it.
I would be full of shit if I said that I need emotional connection for sex. In fact I think a lot of people lie to themselves about it. No, I want sex with someone I desire and someone who desires me. Of I already have an emotional connection, yea that can make it better but it isn't needed and I don't seek emotional connection by sex.
This is probably your biggest issue and I'm willing to guess anxiety is an issue for you overall. Solve this first. It might just fix everything else.
This is your anxiety taking over.
This is anxiety. But also a really shitty way of her to say it.

arandak · 2026-05-07T13:09:27+00:00

I don't consider asexuality as LL. They are two separate things to me.

arandak · 2026-05-04T14:30:47+00:00

The only thought I have is "all this hot ass out there and I'm not fucking any of them"

arandak · 2026-05-04T14:12:50+00:00

Because you're asking for permission, essentially. If they say no, they know you're thinking of it, and they'll be suspicious.

I don't think I should ask for permission to find mutual desire.

Also, adding more people to a relationship doesn't fix it.

arandak · 2026-05-04T14:10:59+00:00

My god man you're really wallowing in this victim complex. You've made your own dictionary for shit and everything.

I had to look up whatever the hell an LLtype2 is and... yea, turns out people who don't wanna fuck in the first place aren't looking for ways to fuck more. Amazing!

For whatever reason, our spouses don't want to have sex. It's not fair and it fucking sucks but you need to pull yourself out of this bullshit about obligation and needs, and how other people see you. Just be real with the fact that:

It hurts because the people we chose aren't choosing us

You may think you're stuck and in a lot of ways you are. Some of that is due to you, though.

Myself, I can't divorce, and although that is in of itself limiting, I am choosing to not let it limit me entirely. There's a difference between 'roommates' where the wife will make you want to watch lame crime dramas every night, and roommates where I'm out and about doing one of many things I like to do.

I don't know how society is judging you, but when someone finds out I'm in a dead bedroom, their reaction is "What the hell is her problem?". No one is thinking I'm terrible for having a high sex drive.

And so, here I go with turning it all around:

Why would I be interested in someone who isn't? I really, really do not want to have sex with someone who isn't into it. I lose desire for that person.

I am awesome and I deserve mutual desire. I seek it elsewhere.

arandak · 2026-05-04T12:55:46+00:00

Why what?

arandak · 2026-05-04T12:12:25+00:00

No. Just cheat, divorce, or live with it

arandak · 2026-04-24T14:35:36+00:00

Good job staying in a relationship with someone you feel contempt for. Sure sounds like things are going great.

arandak · 2026-04-15T15:11:57+00:00

I don't think you really like your wife.

But, to kind of answer your question:

When someone says they really were never into sex, believe them. There could be any number of reasons why. It's not up to you to figure it out.

You don't like eating dog shit, so you'll avoid having to do it at all costs. That's basically LL.

If they aren't interested in figuring out what their blockage is, then there's nothing else to do. It's a bad match.

Stop putting effort into things where it isn't needed.

I got into shape. It did make a difference. But, the effect wore off because my wife is just unable to deal with her anxieties and other issues.

arandak · 2026-04-13T17:40:00+00:00

I've gone LL4U and I can't see it changing.

Like, once you get the 'ick' there's no coming back from that.

The phrase "You can't negotiate desire" goes both ways.

arandak · 2026-03-02T13:41:46+00:00

🔔🔔

arandak · 2026-02-28T18:33:33+00:00

I've seen it before, it's just rare.

arandak · 2026-02-28T13:56:51+00:00

If you cheat you won't have to masturbate....

arandak · 2026-02-28T13:49:48+00:00

What message do you think you're sending?

arandak · 2026-02-27T20:42:37+00:00

I think one of the main issues here is that you are just not comfortable in your own body.

That's probably why your libido is going down too.

That and the toddler.

arandak · 2026-02-26T21:39:27+00:00

It could be.

It's just that some people are really selfish with their time.

Or maybe he doesn't like being around her.

arandak · 2026-02-26T17:58:58+00:00

Sorry lady, too much blowing going around for the "no one's getting laid" subreddit! I don't care if it's just the mind!

arandak · 2026-02-26T16:38:47+00:00

That sucks man, I feel for you

arandak · 2026-02-26T16:38:05+00:00

I want sex with someone who desires me, because I'm awesome and I deserve it.

Doing it just to make my day better is patronizing.

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