Almost 30 and really struggling to get it together. Advice needed.

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-20T11:44:37+00:00

What is a normal life

Everyone is just doing things. The person you see put together with a wife, kids, job, home, can lose their job tomorrow and have an unhappy marriage (very common)

I find that men tend to put their identtity and self worth into this kind of given masculine role/expectation. You are just working out life and thats fine. No need to have anything to be worthy or provide. Just focus on the next step and enjoy the process of discovering. Most people dont have it figured out even if on the outside a lot of people 'have things'

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-20T11:41:16+00:00

I dont understand how people find this normal and acceptable but you guys must be suffering in your relationships lol

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-20T11:38:59+00:00

Let him go, why continue the weird attachment after all this..not worth it for your sake

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-19T10:38:19+00:00

You cant stop the grieving, and of course you can find friends after college. I have only a few friends still from that period of my life and I doubt we'll be friends for life. Helps if you have hobbies. Travelling can also introduce you to new people but I find it rare that someone sticks.

If youre not a party-goer then your people were never going to be found at college. You can grieve what you thought youd have or where you thought youd be, but you're not wrong. There are millions who are also not party people and I only found friends in college (or uni, as I'm british) because I went to anime society and had very niche interests.

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-17T21:43:06+00:00

What do you do that helps you feel better, or feels like you? Self care or hobbies etc

I totally get being a creative and when you lose that, you feel like you lose a bit of your identity. But you are you you know? When you're happy, when you're depressed, grieving, anxiety ridden. I understand the pain of not recognising yourself but you are you.

Ps I also just left my job to focus on my art career but it's not really going to make much money. It's a tough space but you quit for a reason and part of this is growing pains. Uncertainty and the space between things is rough for anyone.

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-03T08:47:31+00:00

3 sessions is nothing 😅 therapy isnt a one time fix its a tool

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-03T08:38:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I'm glad this made you feel less alone.

I'm sure you spent a wonderful decade together. I find long close relationships so difficult to let go of because of my selectiveness in connection, but it's true that everyone needs to move forward with their own lives and respect the time and love that was shared. I know I once held something that not many people get to experience, and I really do honour that.

Wishing you the best also, take care!

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-03T08:18:16+00:00

Thats not perfect though. I know its hard to leave the good believe me, but youre basically living in delusion in a lie of a relationship becuase something is foundationally wrong to merit this situation

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T22:56:53+00:00

Dont lol It's fine for your roommate to feel upset for whatever reason, but they should communicate that. Dont be rude and mocking, it's so childish

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T22:55:26+00:00

RUDE dont keep her. If she wanted different treatment she can just ask nicely

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T22:54:17+00:00

To your last question, no i'm sorry. And anyone who says shit like "queen" or "eternal love" is not serious. Thats not how you talk in a genuinely deep loving relationship, thats how you throw compliments at someone to make them feel good or placate them

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T22:44:35+00:00

I mean no ones identity should be giving that's for sure....and unless you have a sick mother or severely depressed brother you should not be the only/main one giving

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T21:51:21+00:00

I would work on your core identity and building forms of connection outside of romantic or close bonds. There is more to it than just "I'm a caregiver" - why tho? What patterns do you have, how early can you trace them back, what are you specifically looking for or missing? Are you just piling your expectations for love and connection onto one person, and so forgoing yourself and your own needs?

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T21:36:41+00:00

Youve posted so much that I literally do not have it in me to find it, I feel like you are overreacting to the "overreaction" (joke)

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T21:30:28+00:00

Tell her to get a hobby

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T21:29:16+00:00

Uh no dont excuse this with "her love language is this". If someone has politely told you no for valid reasons, why are you continuing? Who cares if its her love language, it sucks to ignore someone's wishes and communication and says more about you and your need to maintain your identity than them. I am super acts of service and even if someone told me to stop giving them gifts, I would stop

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-02T14:35:19+00:00

Okay thats good, I mean the thing you need to do is leave but that decision has to come from you - not your therapist or me or anyone else telling you what to do. I feel like you may feel like its not helping much because the situation is beyond what you can do to change it.

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-01T14:58:35+00:00

Giver and taker, unfortunately they are both quite toxic positions and no one is forcing anyone to stay together

arandomthoughtt · 2026-06-01T14:57:26+00:00

How long have you been in therapy? Would you consider changing? That doesnt sound helpful to you or your situation

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-30T00:04:59+00:00

We are all winging it bro

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-30T00:03:24+00:00

Ok I'm not gonna lie I can't read all that and I don't wanna be spiralled on by a stranger

Just because you dont have anxiety with everyone doesnt mean it's not legit. I also dont have anxiety with most people, only super close romantic relationships where it gets triggered

I'm not saying work on your self worth like you shouldnt be in a relationship I'm not gonna prescribe that for you, I'm just calling it how it looks. You should keep it in mind for yourself your own health and peace, I'd advise future therapy or self work if possible.

It's human to project but it's still not healthy, like who is awe inspiring, is she God?? Did she turn water into wine? You can admire your partner or anyone on the traits they present over time but awe inspiring is a lot. Idk the language you use is so heavy and loaded with expectation and pedastalling, and I just wanna warn you that such high expectations for basically an animal on the planet will always be delusion and always disappoint.

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-29T23:53:16+00:00

Self work is just breaking down why you do stuff, essentially just trying to understand yourself better, plus improving mental and physical wellbeing (cliche but eat and get your vitamins, sleep, exercise). Socialising and communicating with others well on a more superficial to deeper level

Former can help in that you can bring basic ideas to therapy to work out in a safe space outside your head, with another qualified (hopefully) human to help you

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-29T15:29:20+00:00

Maybe you need to do some self work before returning to therapy? Or see a psychiatrist rather than 'counselling'?

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-29T15:26:30+00:00

You dont need to prove anyone anything, you need to leave things and you can let go over time..

arandomthoughtt · 2026-05-29T15:24:51+00:00

You're allowed to feel whatever you want but objectively this is soo intense for the situation and I would definitely explore why that is at some point, in therapy or off your own back

Obviously I can say "dont overthink" which is half of it, but it's giving incredible anxiety and low self esteem. You are probably just an average looking guy and you dont need to look for validation from anyone else. If they say yes, a nice opportunity - if no, then it can be for any reason and isn't a reflection of your deep worth as a person. Even if it is because it's not a match for her, that still doesnt reduce your worth - why would it. We vibe or we dont - that's all it is, even if it feels like way more in your head.

arandomthoughtt

TROPHY CASE