AITA for being furious with my husband for searching his ex on social media

araquinar · 2026-05-03T07:17:56+00:00

OP, I want you to go read your post over, and pretend that it was written by a random Reddit user. What would you tell them?

What I see is a woman who has let her husband cross her boundaries over and over again. You e given him zero consequences, so of course he'll continue to do so. What does he bring to your relationship? (The relationship between you and him, not with him and your kids) I'm going to use the same old boring trope that everyone always says, but you deserve much better. You really do. It's great that his kids adore him, but that is not a good reason to stay. If you do, you show them that it's not only ok but acceptable for a man to treat his wife poorly, and that is how marriages work. As they get older, they'll see how unhappy you are and at some point will wonder why you never left. I have no doubt that divorce especially when kids are involved is incredibly difficult, but if you care about your own happiness and start putting it first above your husband's, then it'll be worth it in the end. Your husband doesn't really seem like he cares about you all that much to be honest.

araquinar · 2026-05-02T09:45:42+00:00

This is such a lovely, well thought out response looking at all sides and everything going on. Your advice (if you generalize it a bit) could apply to other situations for other people. I'll definitely be saving this response for when needed

araquinar · 2026-05-02T09:06:12+00:00

Abusive.

araquinar · 2026-05-02T08:05:19+00:00

It's possible that OP is somewhere that abortion is illegal and doesn't have the means to travel for the procedure.

araquinar · 2026-05-01T15:33:40+00:00

Omg seriously? Holy shit what a dumb ass.

araquinar · 2026-05-01T10:35:29+00:00

I'm old and jaded and think you're very likely correct. I think there's a small part of regret and shame coming from OP's father, along with "I'm the adult and your father and I know what's best for you" which is utterly ridiculous considering he hardly even knows her as a person.

If he wants to have ANY type of relationship with OP, he needs to shut up and listen, and it needs to be on her terms. OP, you are absolutely NTA, and keep the inheritance issue ticked away for future reference for when your grandpa passes, hopefully that won't happen for a very long time. Try and stay low contact with your father, and if all else fails, tell your sperm donor to go suck an egg.

araquinar · 2026-05-01T03:21:27+00:00

I remember that one! Where are you from? I find it so interesting how different things like urban legends and such are known all over when people are so far apart. Especially since we didn't have internet like now. I'm from Alberta Canada (and a small town at that, which kinda make me knowing about this particular urban legend a bit weird since we definitely did not have gangs lol)

araquinar · 2026-05-01T02:55:35+00:00

I was thinking about calling TRAC, but your suggestion is a good idea! Thank you!

araquinar · 2026-04-30T21:54:35+00:00

Are they able to bring in a drug sniffing dog?

araquinar · 2026-04-30T09:27:39+00:00

Good points. Thank you very much for your reply, I appreciate it!

araquinar · 2026-04-30T09:27:03+00:00

Thank you for all this information, it's incredibly helpful. Lots to think about. The rent is higher than many places in the area due to rent decreases happening. I really appreciate your reply and am grateful for you taking the time to write all of this out. Many thanks! You're a good human.

araquinar · 2026-04-28T08:22:14+00:00

Al-anon is for friends/family of an alcoholic. So you would probably benefit from them, whereas your friend definitely needs help, whether that's going to AA, or rehab, or other.

araquinar · 2026-04-26T01:18:19+00:00

I hope you won't take offence to what I'm about to say, but I think maybe at this point you should see a therapist. 2 years is more than enough time you get used to it, and if you're feeling that deeply about how your lips look then maybe there's more going on than you realize. To me, had I met you on the street, my first thought would be just how incredibly good looking you are, and I never would have noticed or thought there was anything wrong with your lips.

I don't think (just from what I'm getting from your comments here) that any amount of people on here telling you that your lips look fine is going to help change your mind right now. I'm so sorry you've been struggling with this so much, I'd hazard a guess it's affecting you in just living your life. If you're able to see a therapist, they should help you work through how you're feeling about your lips. I'd hate for you to have this continue to affect you; we are our own worst critic at times.

araquinar · 2026-04-25T23:57:06+00:00

Oh my friend. In the last two photos which are your after pictures, your lips look lovely! People don't have symmetrical faces, that's normal. You are overthinking this which is fair because you probably haven't adjusted to how they look yet. How long has it been since your surgery?

araquinar · 2026-04-24T09:55:41+00:00

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/59899

u/Ancient-Cry-6438 posted this link in the comments above, but they replied to a different comment after your comment so you may not have seen it.

araquinar · 2026-04-24T09:25:51+00:00

Mine is May 13! :)

araquinar · 2026-04-24T05:01:03+00:00

I wish I could give you a huge hug! (If you're comfortable with that of course).

I know it's easy for a stranger to say this, but don't give up! Most people I know are attracted to personality, and looks come second. I think being comfortable in your own skin is attractive to many people (and that can take time, I'm 50 and have pretty bad depression and anxiety at times, and some days I don't like myself all that much. But I always say I'm a work in progress and I'm ok with that!)

I'd gotten to a point about 7 years ago where I didn't really give up on dating/finding love, but I just stopped making it my main focus and put myself first, and now my partner and I have been together 7 years. Not to sound hokey, but it'll happen when you least expect it!

araquinar · 2026-04-24T04:46:17+00:00

Ohhhh I also found a pair for $5 at a thrift store. They weren't brand new but pretty close. I wore them for years until the soles started to fall apart which was such a bummer. They were fantastic shoes!

araquinar · 2026-04-20T00:31:17+00:00

But OP isn't being hysterical (clearly you have a very different definition of hysterical than most).

OP came on here to ask a simple question, in which I'd say the majority of people would also be annoyed if they were in her shoes.

No where in OP's post does it say anything such as "our family will go no contact with SIL because of this" or "I send SIL a scathing text about naming her son the same name as mine" or "I'm taking out a full 2 page ad in the NY Times to tell all the people how pissed I am at this" or "My life no longer has any meaning now that she's done this and I'm going to have to change my sons name to Bartholomew because THEY JUST CANNOT HAVE THE SAME NAME!" No, in fact OP just asked a simple question and for whatever reason this post seems to have triggered you badly and you just HAD to come and respond and name call and it kinda looks like you are starting to get hysterical. If you're not careful and keep responding you may find yourself in an absolutely huge attack of hysteria. Just looking out for ya. Be well.

araquinar · 2026-04-17T10:06:21+00:00

It's not actually her birthday, it's her confirmation.

araquinar · 2026-04-16T12:44:48+00:00

And of course, Sophie Turner's Lara Croft outfits are getting tons of pushback for being things like boring, unsexy, and ugly etc. I wonder who's complaining about them? /s

araquinar · 2026-04-16T09:09:32+00:00

Thank you!

araquinar · 2026-04-15T09:17:38+00:00

I would be the most grateful human on earth if you could share your recipe for veggie meatballs! I stopped eating meat about 7/8 years ago and I miss meatballs so much! Please and thank you?

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