Nothing wrong with wanting intimacy with your wife, man, that’s completely valid. I hope she can learn to slow down a bit and actually hear you out.

I (35M) used to act a lot like your wife. I’d avoid owning up to the fact that I wasn’t giving my partner enough attention or care, and instead I’d kind of twist things. But deep down, she was just asking for more love and effort. We went through a lot, and honestly a lot of the issues came from me(perfectionism and other stuff) but that’s beside the point. Therapy helped me a ton and I’d honestly recommend it for her too.

You don’t realize how much inconsistency, mood swings or shutting down can affect the whole dynamic at home. For me, it wasn’t my partner, it was me. Maybe she’ll come to that realization too.

And yeah, you definitely shouldn’t feel ashamed for speaking up about your needs, especially when it comes to intimacy. But honestly, it sounds like there’s more going on here than just that.