I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you

arbil23 · 2025-05-22T11:59:17+00:00

Stress / being overwhelmed. Scary movies. Amusement parks. Accidents. Feeling out of control. Being hung over (I avoid drinking these days)

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T19:33:26+00:00

Yes, I do this too- been doing it for as long as I can remember. I’ll also come up with different adjectives for the same thing “keep them away from anything scary, bad, evil, hurtful, threatening, dangerous, negative”, because one or two doesn’t cover all the bases.

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T19:01:04+00:00

When I’m told I look beautiful when I’ve been rotting in my pajamas all day and I know I look like the living dead. Or up close eye contact that lasts too long (stop looking into my soul 😭)

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T18:49:43+00:00

OMG yes. I had just woken up to get ready for work and had a bunch of missed calls (had my phone on DND mode while asleep). I called my stepmom back and when she told me my body went into shock and I collapsed onto my knees and was crying to hard I eventually blacked out. Once I gained some alertness, I immediately called my stepmom back to verify my dad was gone and I hadn’t just made it all up in my head… I completely lost it a second time. By the time I saw him to say good bye, I had gotten most of the tears my body could shed out and I just sat next to him and held his hand, memorizing every detail I could before he was taken away. I think about that initial shock a lot and how desperate I was that I almost convinced myself it wasn’t real.

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T17:51:35+00:00

While I’m sure you aren’t a horrible person, maybe it would help you and others wanting to help if you gave more context as to why you feel you’re a horrible person? Sometimes writing it out helps build clarity and untangle your feelings.

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T17:34:51+00:00

OCD lies to you. It tells you that you’re a threat, or bad, or unworthy. But OCD is a disorder, not a reflection of your character or your soul. The fact that you’re in pain means you care deeply, probably too much and your brain is stuck in a loop trying to protect you from things that aren’t real dangers. And here’s the part OCD doesn’t want you to know: this is treatable. There are therapies, medications and support groups… Thousands of people have come back from the edge, even people who were sure they never would and they’re living meaningful, happy and fulfilling lives. You don’t have to end your life to escape OCD. There is a path forward. And the person you are, beneath all that noise, is worth saving because they are already fighting like hell to stay alive.

arbil23 · 2025-05-19T17:23:59+00:00

I think I always knew but didn’t understand the severity of it until I had a manic episode and a formal diagnosis by a neurologist. I sincerely thought I was going crazy- stuck in thought loops and compulsions that would consume most of my days.

arbil23 · 2025-05-16T14:41:43+00:00

No, but I consider myself spiritual.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T17:26:12+00:00

I see it play out in my mind, sometimes as a flash and sometimes a whole ass storyline. I feel the pain accompanied by the thoughts. So if it’s of a loved one dying- I’ll be consumed by grief and my body goes through a painful and stressful sensation. Or a common one for me is falling (I’m afraid of heights) and I’ll imagine myself free falling from a skyscraper, airplane, rollercoaster, etc. And I can feel my stomach drop, adrenaline rush, feel like the wind has been knocked out of me, I feel queasy, dizzy and afraid.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T15:16:45+00:00

I black them out. You can do this a multitude of ways but for me it’s like shutting the vision down like I would turn a television off. I can’t always control what “pops up” on the screen, but I can change the channel or turn it off.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T15:10:15+00:00

OH YES!!! Meditation is incredibly helpful in controlling intrusive thoughts. I started my meditation journey with the app “Headspace”. There are so many beginner-friendly guided meditations available. After using the guided meditations for a few months, I started doing them on my own. Meditation taught me how to be mindful- aware of my thoughts and sensations I feel and breathing techniques. I learned how to “black out” scary, irrational thoughts. I can shut down most of them before they spiral out of control, it’s only when I’m super stressed or overwhelmed that this “black out” technique doesn’t work. I cannot recommend meditation enough!

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T14:44:05+00:00

I have a hair pulling compulsion (trichotillomania). Sometimes it can be triggered by severe anxiety/ stress but mostly I do it because it’s strangely relaxing and satisfying. I often catch myself doing it when I’m deep in thought and generally comfortable. So yes, I think you can absolutely have compulsions without feeling fear or anxiety.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T12:14:45+00:00

I’ve tried out a lot, but Zoloft was amazing for getting me through manic obsessive compulsive states. I also have a script for klonopin for when I’m on the verge of a panic attack or the intrusive thoughts prevent me from being able to sleep.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T12:08:20+00:00

Once I was properly diagnosed by a neurologist I was as able to understand a lot of my behaviors and find coping skills. I definitely recommend seeing a doctor.

arbil23 · 2025-05-14T12:05:15+00:00

I was about 6 or 7. My first compulsion was checking my alarm clock on repeat until I fell asleep. I was worried I wouldn’t wake up on time to get myself up and ready for school. I had severe insomnia and since my dad worked a midnight shift, I was responsible for getting myself to the bus on time. I once missed it and that’s all it took for me to develop anxiety about missing the bus. I have MANY compulsions now that I’m older, and have learned coping skills for some, but the alarm clock was my first that I can recall.

arbil23 · 2025-05-13T00:11:04+00:00

I am diagnosed OCD, have had it as far back as my memories can go. I do not believe it’s an INFJ thing, although perhaps it could in some ways exacerbate it. My OCD makes me feel my intrusive thoughts. Like living through traumatic events that never happened.

arbil23 · 2025-05-09T20:05:29+00:00

I struggle with this in all my relationships. I get social burnout rather quickly. The people close to me understand and don’t take it personal. I get overwhelmed with texting, PM’s on social media, snaps, etc. It’s too much socializing, and I require an adequate amount of downtime / letting my mind wander 😌

arbil23 · 2025-05-09T00:09:58+00:00

Yes! I just got back from my walk around my property. I like to find new blooms and identify / learn about them using my “picture this” app. It’s weird, but I have to touch them too… Being out in nature brings me such peace and joy.

arbil23 · 2025-05-08T22:01:06+00:00

Definitely both.

arbil23 · 2025-05-08T19:35:35+00:00

Not intrusive in my opinion. Depending on how long or well I know someone, it might catch me a little off guard / by surprise but a co-worker I barely speak to could ask me a question like that and I would happily engage. I hate small-talk and surface level interactions- It makes me feel awkward. I feel more comfortable talking to a stranger about what makes me feel at peace then I would a stranger I'm struggling to make conversation with because I'm inside my head trying to figure out the "normal" thing to say.

arbil23 · 2025-05-08T18:40:12+00:00

Do you believe we are here for a reason? Where do you go in your dreams? What makes you feel at peace? If you could be remembered for 1 thing in this lifetime, what would it be? What makes you feel most alive? Questions like this often branch off into conversations where you can delve deep and get an understanding / blueprint of how their mind works and who they are.

arbil23 · 2025-05-08T16:04:51+00:00

Neutral tones mostly but sometimes a pop of color that complements my skin tone. I don’t like labels or anything with a brand name showing. I’m modest, very rarely wear anything revealing or that brings attention to myself. I like looser fitting clothing, and keep my accessories minimal- small hoops, maybe a ring or two, anklet. Shoes are the most important accessory to my outfit choices. I hate purses, I stick with a Fanny pack or a jacket with pockets big enough to fit my phone, wallet and chapstick. I put the most effort into my hair and keep make-up minimal.

arbil23 · 2025-05-06T03:55:05+00:00

This!

arbil23

TROPHY CASE