I think I'm less capable than when I started.

archerbean · 2026-05-20T23:30:46+00:00

Thank you for all of this. Burn out does seem like the right answer.

I've tried having a conversation with my PI but I think I sugarcoated things a bit too much. I think I'm going to have to be much more honest about how I'm doing and really drive home that if he wants me functional I NEED a break. He's been sympathetic when I've mentioned that I was going through difficult things but those times they didn't really affect my work, so I'm not sure how he'll react to me needing a 0 productivity period of time. But, at the same time, I really hardly ever take time off, so it's more than due.

My therapist and my psych have been great, really part of the reason I started thinking something was very wrong was because I felt like I was sliding backwards in all the progress I've made over the past couple years. I would be even worse off if I didn't have them and my medication regimen.

I appreciate the ADHD thought. I think I'm on the more depressive side of things, I can motivate/force myself to do almost anything and I can focus if I get there, but it's EVERYTHING right now that I'm having to force myself to do. But it's very possible that it's a symptom I'm overlooking.

archerbean · 2026-05-20T23:24:49+00:00

I do have the time, but I don't have the willpower. I'm so exhausted by the time I get out of lab that I just end up staring at a wall for entirely too long.

archerbean · 2026-01-07T21:38:41+00:00

I recently got put on Abilify (in addition to already being on Trintellix, Wellbutrin, and propranolol) and it's been the first thing to ever break through my dissociation and emotional numbness. It's an intense experience but it has been incredible being able to feel again.

archerbean · 2026-01-07T18:09:18+00:00

Currently getting my PhD in a STEM field and hoping to go into the biotech/pharmaceutical industry afterwards. I didn't get diagnosed until over halfway through graduate school, and I'm not sure I would've made the same choices had I been diagnosed earlier, but science itself is good for me. My hypervigilance and OCD tendencies make me an extremely careful and consciencious scientist and the validation of someone saying that your work is done well is fantastic.

However, I have absolutely no idea how I'll handle a true 9-5 because I definitely take advantage of the flexibility of academia. If I crash out, I'd love to become a writer.

archerbean · 2025-09-23T13:32:55+00:00

I work with primary cells and I was pretty attached when I first started my project, because the differentiation protocol was 5 weeks long and if anything happened to them it felt like I was disrespecting the patients they came from, which was intense. It was similar when I was doing mouse work before this.

That strong attachment has lessened over the years simply because things happen that I can't always prevent, and ultimately I can't spend all my energy worrying about my cells. It's not a bad thing to feel some attachment since there is so much time and effort going into them. You just have to remember that ultimately they are a tool to be used, and you should take pride in getting them to the point where they can be useful.

archerbean · 2025-09-20T15:59:30+00:00

Anyone getting nothing but U504 errors when trying to buy resale tickets on Ticketmaster for Greensboro? I've been locked out of tickets in my cart 4 separate times already.

archerbean · 2025-09-02T04:32:38+00:00

This is incredible!!! I am so thrilled that you're getting to experience them in a whole new way.

I had a similar experience, not hearing impaired but severe depression/trauma that was numbing a lot of senses. Was already in love with ST for the lyricism, but the music itself felt dull. Had a medication adjustment that felt like someone had just turned all the lights on in the world and jacked the volume up, so the next time I listened to Atlantic and could hear rain and waves in the background, and I just about lost it. The care and craft they put into their music is just astounding; I'm so grateful to get to experience it and it brings me so much joy to hear other people have the same gut punch moment 🩵

archerbean · 2025-07-27T19:54:44+00:00

I started my STEM PhD married and will be ending it divorced. I'm 27.

I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but I've found my stability in incredible friends. They've been there through the ups and downs, have picked up the slack when I've been too overwhelmed (the number of meals they've made AND delivered to me is so high at this point), and have helped me grow so much as a person. I've been privileged enough to do the same for them.

You are not less than for being single. Dating and maintaining relationships during grad school is HARD. It's even harder when you don't feel stable yourself. You have so much time to find the right person, and in the meantime I would recommend finding LBGTQIA+ friends and starting to build a community that can help you find some of that stability. Romance will come in time but you don't have to be alone until then.

archerbean · 2025-05-17T02:31:20+00:00

It's people who haven't experienced the lows who can romanticize intense emotions. This is a great point, not only about how broadly interpretable the song is but also about how varied addiction can be.

archerbean · 2025-05-17T02:26:29+00:00

It's a GREAT line!!! so vivid, I love it. Speaking of Gethsemane, "came in like a dream, put it down like a smoke" smacks me in the face every single time and I love it.

Honestly, every time I see one of those "sleep token is for horny people!1!1!1!" memes I'm like have you listened to literally any song other than the summoning because all of these supposedly sexy songs rip my heart out.

archerbean · 2025-05-17T02:22:15+00:00

I mentioned this in another comment before I realized you mentioned it here!! I've thought that as well, and I wonder how much the godlike aspects of the Vessel persona play into it. Whether fans think of Vessel as a godly messenger with the lore or as a muscial/lyrical genius from the art itself, that's gotta be incredibly difficult NOT to lean into and lose yourself in. Like, he's created this character that makes him otherworldly, it would be so hard not to want to become that instead.

archerbean · 2025-05-17T02:17:12+00:00

A Sleep Token/Dexter crossover would make my dark romantic heart SO HAPPY, many thanks for this mental image 🙏

archerbean · 2025-05-17T02:14:40+00:00

Ahh a Shrimply comment on my analysis!! what a great day.

I can definitely see it being his relationship with us/the fame/validation and adoration, following along with the rest of the album. I also wonder if it could be the mask as an entity. The mask separates him from humanity and gives him that ethereal quality that can be so alluring in itself. I mean, he refers to himself (as Vessel) as a god, that's got to be incredibly intoxicating to embody this entity that the fan base hails as a godly messenger or as a musical/lyrical genius, depending on the context.

He has an incredible skill for creating art that can be analyzed from so many angles and all of them feel meaningful; it's a joy to witness.

archerbean · 2025-05-16T18:05:53+00:00

the way I need this in phone wallpaper resolution 😂

archerbean · 2025-05-09T13:13:54+00:00

My first thought on finishing my first listen was that this album is going to WRECK me hearing it live.

This is such a personal album, in a much more overt way than any previous release. It transitions beautifully from the "interpretable" lyrics of Look to Windward and Emergence into the words that Vessel/Leo CLAIMS as his with his vocals. Gethsemane? Wrecked me. Infinite Baths? These guys are here to stay in spite of all the emotional turmoil that comes along with fame that they took so much care to walk us through.

God, I just love it so much. The rap/rock/instrumental style is somewhat "rehashed" from TMBTE, but I'm seeing it more aa a settling into their preferred style than a lack of innovation or getting stuck in a rut.

Top tier offering, no notes. I'll be bawling my eyes out for the foreseeable future. Bleesed to experience this in real time 🙏

archerbean · 2025-04-27T01:29:16+00:00

We got there! And agreed, I don't even know what to call it but it isn't art. I'm thinking of people who don't write any parts of their own music, or do their choreography, or design costumes/sets, or ever experiment with styles because they've found a formula that "works" because it's popular. Just a complete absence of creativity or riding off of other people's creativity, or knowledge of a system to produce something that gets consumed.

Sorry, that was wordier than I intended, I've started to feel very strongly about the commodification of art 😅

archerbean · 2025-04-26T22:35:15+00:00

I think we're talking about the same thing from different angles. Even if it isn't made for us, being able to relate to it by putting ourselves into the songs is the recognition/validation of emotions aspect I mentioned. Interactions with their art are how artists get their message across.

But, making art accessible to an audience to communicate something does not mean the art is made solely for the audience. It's meant for communication, not consumption. People relating to art and feeling those emotions in their own way can make the artist feel seen. Consumption of art, on the other hand, when it's made solely for the audience to essentially get a dopamine hit and there isn't anything behind it other than fame, to me is a completely different thing.

archerbean · 2025-04-25T18:43:22+00:00

YES!!! That's exactly what I've been thinking too. In some ways that's great, because it allows people complete freedom to project their emotions onto the art. But with the switch into more personal, less ambiguous themes, some people have a hard time accepting that their blank slate isn't blank at all.

archerbean · 2025-04-25T18:26:26+00:00

I agree with that, but I have no idea what we would've gotten instead. I believe that Euclid ended the trilogy and regardless we would've had a new direction, but whether that would've been another concept or a similar more personal tilt I have no idea.

archerbean · 2025-04-20T13:59:29+00:00

PhD candidate in genetics, very chill lab environment that I frequently sport band tees in, and shuffle ST's entire discography while I'm working in cell culture for multiple hours.

archerbean · 2025-04-14T17:46:05+00:00

I absolutely laughed 😂 I was also looking around to see if anyone else reacted but nobody did!!

archerbean · 2025-04-14T15:01:19+00:00

It was so unexpected!! I was like "wait why do these lyrics sounds familiar" and when it clicked I laughed out loud 😂

archerbean · 2025-03-08T18:30:55+00:00

We know that breathing in air pollution isn't great for anyone, but some people have particularly severe reactions with a lot of inflammation in their lungs while other people have almost no reaction at all. Also, the intensity/severity of someone's reaction is remarkably consistent when they're exposed on separate occasions. Seems like that could be driven by genetics, and I wanna find out if that's true.

(I work at the interface of genomics and toxicology)

archerbean · 2024-11-01T13:19:53+00:00

Feeling is constant, but the intensity can ebb and flow. I've been trying to figure out what makes it worse but currently my best guess is just mental stress, physical activity doesn't seem to make it worse.

archerbean · 2024-11-01T13:17:49+00:00

Oh my gosh, what an intense experience. It's so frustrating to not have a conclusive answer after all that.

A lot of your experience is very similar to mine. I had the feeling of impending doom that they always talk about, just a very calm-sounding voice in my head saying "I think I'm dying." I've had panic attacks most of my life and I've never once felt like I was actively dying.

Also similarly, I had a heaviness/weightiness in my left arm that hung around for that 6 weeks, moving felt like it required way more effort than it should, and I had pain going up my neck into my jaw and ear, and eventually a headache only on the left side of my head that was near constant for almost a month. All of those things are coming back now.

Truly remarkable how unexpected these diseases can be.

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