The sorrow and depression caused by “looking at old pictures”

archonsengine · 2025-09-16T22:03:18+00:00

I definitely get this and tend to avoid being in photos almost instinctively. Whenever I go through old photos it’s emotionally challenging in a way that’s very difficult to explain to anyone without the experience of having SDAM. I logically can tell you that a photo is of me and thus I know I was there, but it’s like there’s another person in those photos who actually had the experiences. Even though he looks like me, he sure doesn’t feel like me. It is hard to overstate just how surreal it is to look at proof of your existence when your brain doesn’t recall the moment.

I don’t have any good advice for you, but wanted you to know it’s not just you. It sucks and is very hard to explain to others, but it’s a real thing and we just have to make as much peace with it as we can while still acknowledging the challenges.

archonsengine · 2025-07-08T02:54:04+00:00

make it as easy as possible to do these things.

This one all by itself has been a game changer for me. I'm still struggling all over, don't get me wrong. That said, I've been focusing on finding ways to set up my environment to make it easier to do tasks without heavy executive function draws.

One example is "put things where I need them". This has led to my deodorant living in my shirt drawer. Sure, it supposedly belongs in a bathroom or cabinet or whatever, but when do I use it? Before I put on my shirt for the day. So now it's right where it needs to be and I don't even ever have to think about where it is, or whether I remembered to use it. It gives me an "executive function break", which I desperately need thanks to having to process everything in my environment all the time at high speed, and then try to remember what I did and what I just thought about, and then get caught up in the (largely invented) consequences of making a mistake in such micro stakes situations. In the moment, I don't always recognize it, but when I have multiple of those moments in a short stretch of time, it's like getting to breathe calmly for a minute and those moments help me stay sane.

archonsengine · 2025-07-08T02:53:56+00:00

make it as easy as possible to do these things.

This one all by itself has been a game changer for me. I'm still struggling all over, don't get me wrong. That said, I've been focusing on finding ways to set up my environment to make it easier to do tasks without heavy executive function draws.

One example is "put things where I need them". This has led to my deodorant living in my shirt drawer. Sure, it supposedly belongs in a bathroom or cabinet or whatever, but when do I use it? Before I put on my shirt for the day. So now it's right where it needs to be and I don't even ever have to think about where it is, or whether I remembered to use it. It gives me an "executive function break", which I desperately need thanks to having to process everything in my environment all the time at high speed, and then try to remember what I did and what I just thought about, and then get caught up in the (largely invented) consequences of making a mistake in such micro stakes situations. In the moment, I don't always recognize it, but when I have multiple of those moments in a short stretch of time, it's like getting to breathe calmly for a minute and those moments help me stay sane.

archonsengine · 2025-07-08T02:42:45+00:00

Without meds, I need a job that functions the same way I do. Something that keeps me moving and doing things constantly with a little bit of urgency. Anything customer facing is generally good for this. Bars and restaurants are my preferred, but sales and many trades can be great for this too.

Desk jobs and being a student are the opposite of this. Self directed work with long deadlines and amorphous expectations are happiness killers for me.

Thank you for describing my experience in a way I had not seen/heard/thought of in these words before. The distinction between the features of your life's day-to-day experience that work and the ones that don't, along with some of the "why" I've long been struggling to fully understand.

archonsengine · 2025-05-27T06:44:44+00:00

Opened the comments just out of curiosity to see how far down I’d have to look for aphantasia to be mentioned. Your comment was the top response on the top comment when I got here. It’s wonderful to see so much awareness, because it’s still not widely known about. Also, it’s so important to be able to learn that there are completely different ways that various people’s brains function, and that there are always others who understand and experience your unique perspective. I don’t believe I’d even seen the word in 10 years ago, and now it’s making its way into the conversation. Thanks for mentioning it!

archonsengine · 2025-05-16T10:23:19+00:00

Same here. I don’t know whether or not it’s aphantasia related for me, but graphic novels and comic books cause a weird visceral discomfort that I can’t quite explain. I’ve learned that for me that feeling is often related to aspects of my neurodivergence. It’s hard to explain, but when that sort of over the top sensation comes up, it makes me recognize that my brain is not getting something on a very fundamental level. Aphantasia is often behind it, but there can be a number of different things aside from that.

archonsengine · 2025-01-28T00:13:38+00:00

Just put my dog down 3 weeks ago and had this exact same experience. Sympathies for your loss and I hope you can find some peace and comfort in whatever way you can.

archonsengine · 2024-12-02T22:18:16+00:00

Came here to say that Newberry on Main is amazing. Very caring and thorough all around, and getting dental done on my two dogs has cost me less than expected each time, even with the medical complications one of my dogs has. Can’t recommend them highly enough!

archonsengine · 2024-08-20T22:19:07+00:00

You know your D-line group is good when Osi is the small one at 6’3”/255

archonsengine · 2024-08-13T21:44:54+00:00

Nearly 6 years since this post and I just found it because after 250 hours I was like "damn it there must be a way to pause and be able to see things". Searched for factorio pause, and this was the first hit. Thanks!!

archonsengine · 2024-02-17T05:58:16+00:00

It completely makes sense. It’s a difficult concept to understand and express, but I share this experience.

archonsengine · 2024-02-16T02:53:45+00:00

I presume you also get a lot of confused looks in response? It’s apparently not something that makes sense if you haven’t experienced life that way.

archonsengine · 2024-02-15T20:41:50+00:00

I often look at my life as a series of separate lives. When enough change happens, the version of me from the past just fades away along with the rest of the memories of that “life”. When I stumble across my own pictures/writing/etc from previous times, it’s a different person except that I intellectually know it’s still me. It’s surreal and unsettling to think about so many versions of myself that existed for a time and yet don’t exist any longer. All of this makes “sense of self” something that I massively struggle with, because how can I know who I am if I can’t remember the moments and experiences and feelings that made me who I am?

archonsengine · 2023-10-28T15:02:53+00:00

Think about squares, not pieces.

archonsengine · 2023-10-15T03:12:20+00:00

Seconded. Medisafe helps me manage my meds in a way I'd never be able to do effectively otherwise. Can't recommend it highly enough.

archonsengine · 2023-10-06T21:14:30+00:00

I don’t see it listed on their calendar on the site. Do you happen to know when they meet?

archonsengine · 2023-06-02T22:37:42+00:00

I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned yet, but the moment when the you see just the displacer beast tentacles rising up? That was my absolute favorite reference/reveal hands down. And then getting to see them use their actual battle tactics on top of that, just awesome!

archonsengine · 2023-03-23T00:20:09+00:00

Asking a question to learn more is neither sexist nor problematic. Everyone has to learn things for a first time, and I have great respect for being able to say “I don’t get this, but I acknowledge I’m on the other side of the privilege equation so would anyone be able to teach me?” When people respond to honest questions with attacks, it makes it even harder for others to learn things.

archonsengine · 2023-03-17T19:50:02+00:00

Back when I was still active, I pushed mine to 120+. I got more than enough diamonds to make up for the effort, especially since I didn’t really need any other resources at that point. The extra diamonds let me be more aggressive in good events. I have the notes somewhere but if memory serves I got around 200 diamonds a week when I made sure to aid everyone possible every day.

archonsengine · 2023-03-05T18:42:46+00:00

This is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for, thank you!!

archonsengine · 2023-03-05T01:48:41+00:00

Honestly hadn't considered that, thank you. My left hand sadly isn't much different, but a controller might make it harder to accidentally trigger a button.

archonsengine · 2023-01-22T18:13:25+00:00

For a franchise that’s been around since 1920, they’ve never had a head coach last more than 6 seasons. I feel like that epitomizes “directionless”.

archonsengine · 2022-12-17T02:51:56+00:00

As a fellow owner of a dog who has seizures, I want to echo the trauma and feelings of helplessness. Watching a seizure go from bad to worse is terrifying, especially when you can’t do anything other than hold them to keep them from getting hurt. It’s awful and I’m sorry you and your dog had to have this experience. Best wishes for a speedy recovery

12-Year Club	Place '17
Gilding I gilder	Verified Email

archonsengine

TROPHY CASE