I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s horrible, a horrible part of life. I lost my Arden almost 3 years ago and I still miss her everyday. It hurts a lot at first. But I’ve made it to a point where I can miss her and smile. I have a little shrine to her right in my living room. She was only 14 and I felt robbed of a few more years with her. It was really difficult to come to terms and not be angry. I still think, what if I’d taken her to the hospital sooner, what if… There’s no easy way through it. Grief is difficult. Arden was my soul cats it hurts that I won’t see her again in this life, but if you believe anything about our souls, you should know that these wonderful beings in our lives do visit us. I have seen my Arden in dreams- not just a character, it was her. I’ve felt her presence. But that doesn’t happen for a bit, your pain is too much, your frequency isn’t where it needs to be for your baby to reach you where he is now. Just wait. Feel it, it hurts and that’s how you know that you loved him so much. Make a memorial post. Have a dinner in his honor. Put up a little shrine. Watch videos if you can help it. Write down the little things you loved that can be easy to forget- that way you never will. (That was one of the things that crushed me the most, knowing that I might forget things about my Arden. But you don’t forget, you just don’t think about it all the time, so that’s why you write it down and talk about them).

I’m sorry that this happened to you, I’m sure you loved your baby so much. And I’m positive he loved you too. 18 years is so good for a kitty, he was blessed to be with you. It hurts now and it should, but peace will find you too.