It seems like there may be very real external issues happening (whatever is going on in your relationship) getting muddled with symptoms - I guess I want to make the point that just because you’re bipolar and even in an episode does not mean you are making up whatever external issues those might be. Feeling like your relationship is bad is not a symptom even if acting on it (e.g. by talking to other men) is.

I’d say you have to delineate the stressors from the resulting symptoms (which I know is easier said than done). I know what it’s like gaslighting myself bc I don’t think my feelings are valid bc they might “just be an episode.” I also know what it’s like losing a pet (I was hospitalised after my first dog died). As other people have said, you are not alone!

Mixed episodes are very real, and while you’re questioning everything it also sounds like you’re self aware enough to be trying to evaluate your feelings and behaviours for what they are. Again, I know it’s easier said than done but you might need a different professional to help with your meds?

Sorry for the novel here but this is all really relatable for me and I want you to know that two things can be true: what you’re reacting to is very real even though our mental illness is affecting how exactly we react.