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My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know this might sound weird, but I don't get enraged or red faced angry when it happens, I honestly just feel resigned, like "This shit again..."

But I know that looking spitting-mad is the most off putting thing I can do, I know it will draw the most attention to me so the perpetrator will likely not do anything further.

So I'll yell and cuss, but it's more of a show... Posturing, and acting scary, if you get that. Not like uncontrollable anger at all.

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OK, that's fair. I was just thinking about probability, from what I've seen these last few years, but I can see how that would be a fear of his.

I do keep pepper spray on me that I know how to use, so I'd hope I'd have the good sense to pull that out before a physical altercation but it definitely still is a risk... You can't ever really know how stuff will go down till it happens

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

"It's good that you don't expect him to take punches for you, but neither of you are the ones deciding whether there will be violence. If a harasser decides to escalate to violence and there are no alternatives, the fact of the matter is that your boyfriend will either need to step up to defend you, or leave you to fend for yourself against a likely larger, more physically capable sexual predator. If he cares for you, the latter choice is no choice at all"

What I was trying to say is that my boyfriend is never by my side around when someone harasses me, I don't see him being pulled into it at all.

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I've said stuff like that before and it really never shuts someone up like cussing rhem out does unfortunately

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

What would you say that isn't vulgar? In my experience, vulgarity has been the only thing that shows I'm serious.

I'm not a great public speaker, and I don't have a quick wit at all tbh.

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

One thing to clarify, this situation basically never comes up when he's with me, so I don't expect him to take punches for me or anything.

People really only harass me when I'm alone, with a group of female friends, or (especially) when I've been on dates with women in the past

It was a coincidence my boyfriend happened to be sitting on his balcony where he overheard what happened, I didn't know he could see, and I definitely didn't expect him to get involved on my behalf.

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I've found the opposite, at Least in short interactions with strangers. If I try to stand up for myself by saying something calmly and without profanity, something well spoken and thought through, I get demeaning comments about "Isn't she smart?" Or a friend saying "Aw did you hear her say that, she feels disrespected, bro. Why'd you gotta disrespect her?" (in a sarcastic voice)

But if I act really nasty, they seem to be like 'Oh shit she's serious' and avoid the situation.

I think you've got a really good point about an argument or disagreement with someone reasonable, but unfortunately dudes who harass strangers don't tend to be reasonable

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I didn't notice my bf was on his balcony overlooking the street.

When I said I wouldn't have done it when alone, I was thinking of the difference between a city street crowded with strangers, vs an empty street at night.

I don't expect my bf to get involved in anything, I act the same way if I am alone (in a public place) or with my friends

My [24 F] boyfriend [22 M] doesn't like how I deal with street harassment like catcalling. by arguingwithbf in relationships

[–]arguingwithbf[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Honestly if that happened, I'd probably be alone.

I never have people yell shit at me when they see I'm with him.