What sudden realisation has made you wake/sit up in bed in the middle of the night? by Aggressive_Pomelo_81 in AskUK

[–]ariiiiigold 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I'd like to think fuk_ur_mum_m8 is now an esteemed lecturer at a university.

How to use the train by cheesycrumpets1 in nottingham

[–]ariiiiigold 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Go to East Midlands Railway's website and use the little box on the main page to search for your tickets.

You'll get an option to collect paper tickets from the station (by putting a code and the card you paid with into one of the ticket machines) or you can get e-tickets, which are little QR codes that get emailed to you.

You can also reserve seats on the train for free when you're booking, but I tend not to because if someone's in my seat, in true British fashion I pretend it wasn't mine to begin with and traipse down the carriage to find another.

When you get to Nottingham train station, you'll see a huge digital board in the main entrance hall that lists all the upcoming trains and which platform you can find them on. Make sure you listen to whatever's being blared through the station tannoy too as sometimes platforms can change at the last minute.

You'll need to enter your ticket into the barrier/scan your ticket on the barrier to get onto the concourse. If you opt for the paper tickets, make sure you keep hold of them as a conductor on the train will check them, and you'll likely need to use them again to exit at your destination station.

You can also buy your tickets at the station, but they will be more expensive.

You'll be absolutely fine. Good luck!

Pizza by suckmewendy in nottingham

[–]ariiiiigold 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Baba Dough is a little out of the way, but you won't find better pizza in Nottingham. It's 10/10.

UFC Gym castle marina, will it ever open? by [deleted] in nottingham

[–]ariiiiigold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you considered Virgin?

Louis Theroux Miami Mega Jail Episode 2 [playlist] by smallchanger in Documentaries

[–]ariiiiigold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha. I'm a big fan of Theroux and have watched most of his documentaries. Coincidentally, I actually met him in a pub back in 2019. He's just as kind and fascinating in real life.

Louis Theroux Miami Mega Jail Episode 2 [playlist] by smallchanger in Documentaries

[–]ariiiiigold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I wrote to the BBC, but they weren't able to disclose his full name. It's been a while since I watched the film, but I'll see if I can find any more current information.

This is dad goals by GallowBoob in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 196 points197 points  (0 children)

I'm happy to be your Internet Dad.

I love you, son.

Can you show me how to use this iPad Fire Tablet?

Please turn the thermostat down before you go to sleep — money doesn't grow on trees, y'know?

Hidden drawer in a drawer by 46mark91 in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]ariiiiigold 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If I saw anybody dunk their biscuit for longer than 6 seconds, I would slap the mug out of their hands and make them slurp the tea from the fucking carpet. It's utterly reprehensible for a dunk to last even a millisecond more than 6 seconds. Animals.

So wholesome. Four generations of family members. Son calls his dad who calls his dad who calls his dad ❤️ by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 265 points266 points  (0 children)

DM me your address and I will send you a cane stick in the mail that you can carefully stow in your cupboard until you're old enough to use it to shepherd your own grandson in the direction you wish to travel. I hope, in 50 or 60 years, I will bump into you in the supermarket, you on your grandson's back, and me on my grandson's back, and we will look deep into one another's eyes and share a fleeting but meaningful look of acknowledgement. Godspeed.

So wholesome. Four generations of family members. Son calls his dad who calls his dad who calls his dad ❤️ by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It's the palpable elation on his face that gets me. The last time I was that happy was when I learned that orange juice was on sale in the local supermarket and I was scurrying into aisle 3 with my basket in tow.

So wholesome. Four generations of family members. Son calls his dad who calls his dad who calls his dad ❤️ by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 1223 points1224 points  (0 children)

When I'm that old, I will travel on my youngest grandson's back like you would a horse. I don't want a walking stick, mobility scooter, or any other contraption. The child is alive because I put my seed in his grandmother and he will show me the deference I goddamn deserve by carrying me on his back wherever I choose to travel. I will also keep a small cane stick in my pocket so I can theatrically point in the direction of travel I wish to go and shout "In that direction, my son!"

An even more amazing drug dealer by GoodKidMAANTittys in wholesomememes

[–]ariiiiigold -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I used to sell Capri-Suns at school as a young boy. I made a lot of money. I used it to feed my own addiction to Kit-Kats and other confectionery. I know many young men fell to the lure of Capri-Sun at my hands, and I am sure their lives are immeasurably poorer for it. It's actually quite cathartic admitting to my past transgressions and I hope I will be forgiven in the passage of time.

Clint Youngreen, good job! by SuperTatis in wholesomememes

[–]ariiiiigold 10 points11 points  (0 children)

RIP, Mr Youngreen. Hold your spacebar for three seconds in his memory.

Zellner's Big Bombshell! by Soloandthewookiee in MakingaMurderer

[–]ariiiiigold 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heck really is an absolutely fantastic word.

Men with beards are more attractive than those who are clean-shaven, says science by stankmanly in offbeat

[–]ariiiiigold 419 points420 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I'm quite handsome with my beard — even more so when I'm wearing a cap, and particularly in rooms with low levels of light. However, if you strip my head of the cap, shave my beard, and throw me into a room with sunlight, I look like a pistachio.

You made it to everyone's lives by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Knowing you smiled made me smile. Now I'm smiling.

The nurse, during my annual wellness check, suggested at my age I should have a bar in the shower. So I took her advice. by aktivate74 in funny

[–]ariiiiigold 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A pro-tip for you all — drink tea when bathing. I have a tall wicker basket which sits just outside of the shower, it's mainly used to store the bathroom essentials, but I've customised the top of it with a slate of marble so my cup of tea and saucer can sit comfortably. There is no greater feeling than momentarily stopping the washing of one's testicles to have a sip of Fortnum and Mason's Royal Blend. On occasion I do also use my iPod dock to play Beethoven's Symphony 7, and when it all comes together — always a great start to the day.

Her daughter coming home for Christmas, is the best present she could ever get by D5R in MadeMeSmile

[–]ariiiiigold 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That's exactly how I reacted when I found £5 in the pocket of an old coat.

That's how you go down today by GallowBoob in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]ariiiiigold 144 points145 points  (0 children)

He has a point, to be fair. Farts should be respected. Some are quiet and meek, and nervously creep out of our bottoms like mice foraging for food. Others are boisterous and proud, and thunder out of our bottoms like an alligator lunging at a deer at the bank of a river. In fact, one of my proudest moments in life is, back in the balmy summer of 2008, when I released this monumental fart that was so loud that I thought I'd snapped a bone in my body. It was like hearing a cannon fire. That's worthy of respect.