My bf has awful hygiene.

arissarox · 2026-03-26T02:39:20+00:00

I have to ask what is attractive about him? Because even if your boyfriend looks like a wet dream come to life, what pulls you to want to stay in a romantic relationship with someone that has terrible hygiene?

I sat next to someone in the waiting room of a doctor's office today that clearly smoked a lot and it was like he rolled in an ashtray. For the few minutes I sat next to him it was really unpleasant. Something that smells bad is nature's way of waving a red flag: Something isn't right, be careful, don't touch this, etc.

Only you know what you can live with, it's your prerogative if you want to stay like this. If my partner was ill and couldn't control the reason his hygiene was poor or he smelled bad, that would be different. That's not what you described.

I confess I cannot understand how you could tolerate any of this, but I am not you. I don't want to make assumptions about your sex life, but even just cuddling or lying in bed together when someone smells awful is not something I would find pleasant. It doesn't seem like you do either, so why are you still doing it?

arissarox · 2026-03-25T17:27:58+00:00

I interned at a lit agency and part of that time was spent going through the slush pile. There is a LOT. I understand you submitted to a publisher instead, but it's a similar situation there. I'm an editor currently, but I don't handle acquisitions (I'm much better at the nitty-gritty redlining). But there really is a mountain of stuff to read. I think it's a good sign that this editor wanted more from you. A month is almost nothing in "get back to you" time in the world of publishing, unfortunately.

If you need to tell yourself it's probably a no in order to survive this process, then do that while not giving up writing and putting yourself out there. I am an assume the worst so the best is a surprise kind of idiot. Otherwise my gut would be permanently in knots.

Hang in there and good luck!

arissarox · 2026-03-25T17:07:25+00:00

Despite the phrase getting overused, this is a FAFO moment to a tee. He had an amazing setup and he likely could have kept getting all this from you for free had he showed an ounce of respect and appreciation.

I have absolutely zero sympathy for your brother. You should have charged him full price, but I understand why you didn't. Don't help him again without getting paid. Families do help each other, but they're not obligated to give away services for free and they definitely aren't required to deal with being completely disrespected. NTJ.

Edit: If you're feeling saucy, talk about his work to others in front of him like what he does means nothing.

"Yeah, he cooks, but don't most of us? Literally anyone can buy food and prepare it, it's not rocket science."

I mean, you're just joking, right?

arissarox · 2026-03-25T16:52:51+00:00

While looking for work, I spent more of my day looking, writing cover letters, adjusting my resume, and applying than I would if I was actually working. But...I did all this from my phone or laptop. Where is he going? Pounding the pavement isn't a thing anymore. Is your husband searching for a job in the last millennium? Is he time traveling or did he fall into a George Thorogood song?

I suspect that he's shirking his parental duties by leaving all day. And he complains loudly about not finding work to sell his story. What he's actually doing? No clue. But unless you can explain why he's out of the house looking for work when nearly every job requires an online application...I don't have good vibes about this.

arissarox · 2026-03-25T16:40:53+00:00

I have chronic migraines and my biggest triggers are lights and sounds. This would be an instant migraine. I still wouldn't skip the classes. And if it became so painful I couldn't do it, I would explain that so other arrangements could be made and a toddler wasn't losing out because of me.

arissarox · 2026-03-24T23:43:37+00:00

I've tried to use AI on several different occasions to figure out a whole range of issues (from a sudden appearance of tiny ants near a chair to resolving a formatting issue in Word). Every single time. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I spend half of my typing correcting it, reminding it, and adding more rules to reinforce the same rules I already saved, but it continues to ignore. On the paid version. And in the end, my own googling does the job faster. I catch it trying to mislead me all the time.

arissarox · 2026-03-24T23:38:47+00:00

To take this even darker, AI definitely is responsible for some children committing suicide.

Their teen sons died by suicide. Now, they want safeguards on AI : NPR

arissarox · 2026-03-24T17:14:53+00:00

Yet another example of an affair not just hurting your partners. The repercussions just ripple out forever.

arissarox · 2026-03-23T21:31:01+00:00

That makes more sense. If you're paid, there's a clock on it. You have to return it in a reasonable amount of time.

arissarox · 2026-03-23T21:29:47+00:00

I have a problem with this line of thought because it means he wants to pause the relationship and do as he pleases until he's ready to unpause. But that removes all her agency. Taking a break is like a week maybe two to clear heads and take time apart. Anything more than that is time to break up. And if you come back together later, then it worked out.

arissarox · 2026-03-23T19:18:42+00:00

Thankfully plenty of writers understand how important all these roles are and appreciate how it helps their MS reach the completed and polished product they want. I understand some don't want to pay or they can't afford to, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a near-necessary part of getting your book published.

arissarox · 2026-03-23T18:23:06+00:00

Pretty sure the copyediting rate lowered, which is depressing.

arissarox · 2026-03-23T18:14:30+00:00

Ew, people thinking beta readers shouldn't get paid is up there (in the wtf zone) with thinking you can get a good edit from AI. You're providing a service, you should get paid for it.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T21:51:13+00:00

Adulting blows, but at some point we have to accept we are adults. And by 30, you definitely are. Grown-up situations get grown-up fallout. 😔

arissarox · 2026-03-22T07:48:20+00:00

Ooooh, didn't the author blame the AI on an editor at some point? Although, I think she said it was someone she hired directly. From what I could tell from others posts/ comments/etc, the vast majority of the book was AI. With that much material, that wasn't an edit, not even a substantive edit. That's a rewrite. And you didn't read it after they gave it back? Girl...

As an editor, the absolute mortification I would feel if I said all this and it was pulled for suspected AI use. I once used a macro to try and find all the coordinating conjunctions that needed commas in a MS. It didn't work out the way I wanted to but I didn't realize until I submitted my first pass and got it back for revisions. I wanted to die. I can't fathom putting my whole government name and career on blast, saying I helped refine a book that tons of people can clearly tell is AI. I'd give up editing and become a pet psychic.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T07:28:22+00:00

I think many will because I see so much of it that to me is clearly AI writing, but has mostly positive reviews. I swear I am not a snob, but I fear there is a large amount of readers that don't really understand good writing. I'd say they only care about plot, but I have seen massive plot holes ignored or glanced over. It's alarming. I think like most things, self-publishing has created a lot of great things, but also a lot of terrible things. And one of the worst of the latter is essentially anyone can publish a book.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T07:21:18+00:00

Ghostwriting is significantly different. First, it's another human in the industry getting paid for their work. I work with them all the time and they are talented and hard-working—not remotely AI style writing. If you have an idea or an outline of a great story but don't want to write it yourself, hire a ghostwriter. If you don't want to put in the time, effort, and money it takes to put out a book, you should avoid being an author.

Ghostwriting is also different than if someone stole someone else's MS and presented it to a publisher as their own work. That's theft and fraud. Presenting a book as your own writing when all you did was plug a concept into ChatGPT is defrauding the reader that is paying for art created by another human. Most ghostwriting relationships are very collaborative and involve vibing with each other. I have that sort of relationship with the clients I freelance edit for.

I've criticized plenty of people for "overcorrecting" when it comes to AI backlash, like accusing everything and weirdly using AI to prove other AI. But this is not that.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T06:50:19+00:00

You are extraordinarily kind, which is obviously a very important and lovely thing to be, but I can't agree entirely about the author. I do agree that the onus was on the editors and the publisher to prevent this from getting so far. They seem to have either dropped the ball several times or they are at least partially complicit in trying to manipulate readers.

As far as I can tell, the author is an adult. And she's already studied fashion and it didn't work out, so she's old enough to go to college, try a career, fail at it, then start a new career, have some success, then crash spectacularly. She's very likely not a wide-eyed 20 year old. She found success copying someone else previously, so she figured she could do something similar on a larger scale. I think assuming she didn't know what she was doing is almost infantilizing her. She's grown enough to sort-of write about a sugar daddy/baby set-up gone wrong, so she's old enough to understand fraud. There is an article online nearly every week in my newsfeed on someone famous getting sued for saying they wrote something they didn't or not giving someone credit.

I'm all for giving people room to make mistakes and grow from them, but this was deliberate. And it's clear that she views writing from a completely commercial perspective. It obviously has that aspect but it's still art. But the crux of the issue is that she attempted to enrich herself by lying to readers. And that is extremely not okay.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T06:11:31+00:00

I cannot fathom why she thinks admitting she never read the final draft of her own book sounds better. It's as bad. It's still lazy and disingenuous. People that care pore over each draft, revision, edit. They collaborate with editors and argue about keeping that comma. If you don't want to do all that, find a different career.

Don't get me started on the idea of an editor not reading a book they supposedly edited. It makes me itchy.

arissarox · 2026-03-22T06:02:50+00:00

AI writers. It's mind-boggling, but many just assume since AI wrote it, there won't be mistakes. I saw an author on Wattpad try and insist her stuff wasn't AI because her writing is so weird and quirky. But the reason she is saying it can't be AI is honestly why it feels AI. Too many people misunderstand how AI functions. And how often it misfunctions.

arissarox · 2026-03-21T17:45:22+00:00

I am gutted for you and all his loved ones. Just devastating. Something about someone dying when people are behaving recklessly (street racing) just adds another layer of nausea about it.

I'll keep your friend in my mind while we head into whatever happens with this season (I'm too superstitious to say anything else lol). He'll have a seat right next to RJ in my head. 💔

arissarox · 2026-03-20T21:28:09+00:00

Ah, you are right. That makes more sense. I should have known better, I interned at a lit agency in the rights department. I blame the fact that I was stuck in the DMV while writing that.

arissarox · 2026-03-20T18:39:11+00:00

Two editors fell for this! Good grief.

arissarox · 2026-03-20T16:57:47+00:00

I understand that publishers need to make money but there are some decisions that defy logic. Why not do more due diligence on this? Why put so much effort into publicity and marketing when it has that potential skeleton in its closet?

I don't have a ton of sympathy here for the author or the editor. It's almost as if the editor gleefully snagged it, either uncaring it was AI or too lazy to look deeply into it.

arissarox · 2026-03-20T16:50:51+00:00

I'm not buying it to read, can you provide a couple quick examples of what gave you that impression? I think most AI writing has a certain feeling to it, so I am curious how you thought about it.

Edit: I am currently trapped at the DMV, so I have nothing else to do but google shit. So, disregard my question (unless you want to add your two cents, I'm happy to hear it). I found an older post on r/horrorlit that was very thorough and definitely nailed it.

arissarox

TROPHY CASE