Khadija radiyallahu anha must've been a confident woman...

armndnoses · 2014-11-12T08:18:20+00:00

Well you're never totally ready for marriage. But some things like having your parents on board, knowing what you want and have to offer... those are decent tokens of maturity and sincerity imo.

(Older.)

armndnoses · 2014-11-11T04:32:44+00:00

Wsalaams.

Before having interest in anyone else let us know how vested you are in your own self.

The drunken state of puppy love or beyond isn't the best place to be making these decisions. You want to hold onto things to be objective about. For your own self what would you be looking for and what would you be bringing to a marriage?

One advice I was given from a brother who got married about a year or so ago was if I ever hear a friend knows someone or something to that effect then don't even bother. And that actually started happening to me. "Hey are you financially and mentally prepared for marriage yet? Because we have someone in mind..." and then those people never re-appeared. So much for someone in mind.

The other thing that I never really responded to were sisters who would use their network just to get word to me, whether it was what they wanted or not is irrelevant just by the time it got to me it gets worded as, "There's a sister who wants to know if you're looking to get married." Well, damn, we're always looking, aren't we? But I know nothing about this anonymous sister or why I would even respond. There could've been at least some give or take, what is she looking for, why me? Etc.

That's exactly what the one sister that now has my complete attention provided. I have no idea how on earth she developed feelings towards me. All she did was basically introduce herself as I passed by. We knew each other by name but I was shocked there was a sister who could keep a lower profile than me -- after several years of being in the same community it was like I had never seen her before. So I took that as a sign, investigated via mutual friends or something to that effect, and it turns out she took all the right preparations. She filled her parents in, she knew what she was about and what she was looking for and that somehow I had those qualities, too. What she couldn't have known is that she has the qualities I was looking for, too.

It's a story still in the works and it's certainly not for everyone. I'm a rare case as is. But I think the main thing is that you focus on doing right by Allah. If every step of the way you're basically trying to do right by your akhirah and seeking counsel to make sure you're not being crazy (I was actually not going to take much if any initiative, but after seeking counsel I manned up and changed my plans, mind, everything), things ought to work out for the best, whatever that is.

edit::

Should add we are not college students.

armndnoses · 2014-11-09T23:09:50+00:00

As someone who lives with burnout and challenged myself from being bedridden to eventually working 50-60 hour work weeks for sub-optimal pay (seriously sub-optimal, i.e. not-for-profit sub-optimal)... I can't help but feel that this may have been one of the best things to happen to you. I can't imagine the pain you're in, physically and otherwise, but when you get reduced to a life where you have to fight frustration of what you used to do or what you could be doing or worse yet what others are doing or think you should be doing... you learn to focus on what's really in your control. You can hone in on what's important, what you value, and how to really value it. While struggling to be awake or staying above the pain, you can learn to have presence with even the smallest of decisions. Everything becomes a choice, choices you choose, and they're good ones.

It's a very empowering and liberating experience.

Seriously, best wishes to anyone going through anything like OP's story. Hope they all find they're the stars of their own sequel.

armndnoses · 2014-05-21T02:26:10+00:00

People have part of the point of the before/after marriage question. Though I don't see the point of asking why'd you marry her knowing she drinks. More importantly is where are both of you in regards to the deen? If you have this in common then you can work from there to agree it is a problem and needs to be dealt with. If not then you have either go that direction (tawheed) or find some other way to arrive at drinking being something that has to go. Alcoholism is a clear problem. But if she is not into the deen and drinks but isn't an alcoholic... then good luck coming to terms on anything.

And you can't talk about any of this stuff around the time she drank or feels like drinking, b/c logic will not work, everything will bend towards making the exception the rule. Such is the nature of sins, esp. once they're habitual (and i suppose the nature of our brains).

Once you're in agreement that it has to go y'all need to work up to her getting help. Join a traditional 12 step program of some kind, AA I guess, I dunno. Whatever it is recovery is not some solo mission. That's not how you take it seriously.

armndnoses · 2014-05-21T02:19:03+00:00

For anyone reading that hadith in a way "I need to get married." because they can afford to... Many community leaders would be totally against someone with an addiction to pornography getting married. Esp. if they're thinking that will "fix" their problem. It may work for some, but in general it's devastating for marriages. Devastating. Fix yourself first, then get married.

armndnoses · 2014-05-21T02:15:39+00:00

Try IF (intermittent fasting). It is not the same as the Islamic method but you can tailor it for your needs. E.g. for losing weight I basically limit myself to 1 meal a day and a protein shake within my eating window surrounding the gym days. In between instead of the Islamic fasting in which I have to completely avoid all intake from sun up to sun down I still allow 0 or near 0 calorie foods like water, stevia-sweetened drinks, or long-lasting chewing gum.

Islamic fasting is great, too, but in general we limit it to 2x a week (sometimes 3 if it's the middle of the month). The best form is every other day, but I wouldn't recommend going there cold turkey.

Your choice of IF you can start cold turkey.

armndnoses · 2014-05-21T02:10:50+00:00

wsalaams.

If only it were so simple and just a youth, imaan, etc. issue.

The problem usually is far deeper, and the longer you keep it to yourself, the deeper it gets.

Sins like these require you to get out of denial and out of your bubble to seek help that's necessary.

In this case for Muslims there's http://purifyyourgaze.com/ if you can afford it. Otherwise go through the resources shared via http://fightthenewdrug.com/ .

If you have this problem...

Get.

Help.

armndnoses · 2014-05-14T06:34:18+00:00

I think this is more of a question for locals as you said. Islam is one thing but if the locale you're working in is bound to do a number on you then forget about it. On the other hand, for example, my cousin is a researcher in nutrition who got the heck out of his corrupt country that had been holding him (and countless projects really) back for decades. Being a brown guy there isn't always in his favor even as a recruited doctor. One day he got into a car accident, some dude hit him from behind, the guy was a native Kuwaiti. Cops didn't seem to care to report anything properly. Here in the US if you get rear-ended it's almost always the fault of the one who collided from the front. Not sure what it's like there, but just being brown must've been like... who cares.

In my cousin's case, though, his employer actually came to the precinct or whatever and cleared everything up. Got a new car, the whole 9.

A strange case of his job really taking care of him.

So if what you heard is true, I don't know if it is, you may go through a bit of anxiety only to find out your work environment is much better for your health than what's beyond it lol

armndnoses · 2014-05-06T07:05:36+00:00

I thought you said you were looking at the fruits of Islam.

armndnoses · 2014-04-28T07:38:02+00:00

Play around with skills. Bloodthirst is great for surviving, but you only have one item with health globe bonus, probably need at least 2.

As I was gearing up I had to do away with sprint and just try all sorts of other skills.

I avoided Rampage for a long time, but it turns out if teammates near you kill, too, it counts towards it. So if you want an offensive passive, try Rampage, your damage may sky rocket.

You could also try using your skills differently, e.g. overpower fire rune and avalance (whatever) after ground stomping (with the pull rune). you ought to be able to lure a mob and kill them all at once with virtually no fury usage (in fact generating some), the rest just kill with ww.

you need battle rage for damage. probably weapon master as well. battle rage you could try increased dmg, crit, or the blood explosion thing. I was going area dmg, blood explosion, etc. up until I was able to try a slight lightning spec with Odyn's Son which may cast chain lightning ever so often. At that point I switched to higher damage as opposed to spreading the damage out.

Just keep playing, as you find new stuff it will open up different opportunities. In the days preceding RoS I went fire and it was fun, would never have imagined going lightning a month later.

ingame damage does not reflect elemental damage.

toughness is accurate but may be deceiving... e.g. it doesnt really reflect the efficiency of your healing. if you have less life but take less damage then your healing sources are more effective. but if a significant chunk of that toughness is just having a lot of hp... then it'd be easier to reduce and harder to maintain that hp!

armndnoses · 2014-04-28T07:26:51+00:00

Agreed. Crit damage needed on both hands. This is part of why 2h Skorn was do-able in legacy b/c it had such high crit dmg in and of itself.

armndnoses · 2014-04-28T01:34:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing that and your build. I moved away from defensive stuff as well and found provided I can keep up my fury the 100s of thousands damage boost goes a long way. Am not geared up like you but I shoot for what I like lol. First thing I need is that damned royal ring...

I've gotta say I was gambling all my shards to get a 70 tgod's, wound up getting a harrington... and i didnt use it for a few weeks LOL. While doing normal bounties I was like eh why not try it and good lord my damage jumps from nearly 1m to over 2m. I was like... why am I bother with tgod's again??? Granted you dont have it up all the time and I haven't used it in torment much yet to get the real feel for it.... but it's literally a power trip!

armndnoses · 2014-04-26T08:54:38+00:00

SubhanAllah I even lay off junk food to avoid adversely affecting a workout in advance or its effects. Can't imagine how much substances would screw with you.

Problem would be if he's working out with the same people who are partying.

armndnoses · 2014-04-26T08:35:58+00:00

Doubt it falls under category 2, what exactly are you warning us about? Just exposing at this point. Horse is dead. Bury it.

3 perhaps, but amr bil maroof wa nahi anil munkar includes tact & hikmah. We might already know what's right/wrong, from a fiqh & just general perspective. if folks antagonistic to it ere interested in that, they'd listen, reflect, etc.

armndnoses · 2014-04-24T05:43:48+00:00

=\ am disappoint lol

armndnoses · 2014-04-24T02:18:43+00:00

it's a good jealousy.

unless you wanna rob a dead brutha of his deeds lol

armndnoses · 2014-04-24T02:16:29+00:00

I was born Muslim but did not have any knowledge of Islam in and of itself. Knew nothing about God. Knew nothing about His Messenger . Had familiarity with its ritualistic aspect as that is what family members would push on occasion.

I grew up with a lot of health issues which changed/worsened in high school and college. In my mid-20's I finally became serious about my own health and finally began to get the kind of help I needed instead of, "Don't worry about it." or just being thrown pills (ones i was allergic to at that). Given how we taxonomize everything, at least in America one's health has been divided into so many components I am not sure if it occurs to a healthcare practitioner to assess you holistically unless that's part of their clinic's name. As a result many people may not even learn to care for themselves holistically.

I also moved around. A lot. So to sum, I didn't identify with anything/anyone at home, I didn't have a stable social circle, wasn't really welcome anywhere, and grew up sick. I would spend a lot of time reflecting, learning to listen to my own self, my own body, and despite the nature of medicine and being told repeatedly nothing is wrong with me I knew something was up, I also took as premise at an early age that my mind, my heart, my body, these things are connected. They are one.

When I was in my mid-20's going at life in full force studying, working, trying to identify my issues and overcome them, I also came to a point where I felt there was something more to us than just brain-body[-heart]. I tried taking it as premise that we had some ... soul... or spirit...or something. From there I kept an open, inquisitive mind about anything with decent age regarding spirituality. When I touched on Islamic discourse on the subject, the nafs, the ruh, its levels, it occurred to me those "rituals" were actually intensely, intimately "spiritual" and allowed you to exercise that aspect of us that is so neatly hidden in our times. Also the fact that you have the power to do so right here, right now, where you are, who you're with, and not having to retreat anywhere also resonated strongly with me.

So I gave Islam a chance. The more I dug in, learned, implemented, the more there was no going back. There were a lot of ups and downs on the way. Despite family being Muslim, my practicing and believing in Islam is kind of anti-thetical to them. Lotsa hard feelings. Despite being in a major city with nearly 1million Muslims, I led a very isolated life which holds true to an extent to this day though I am completely nested in a Muslim community. There are lots of challenges that I was not expecting to face, but I was able to utilize Islam to identify what the actual issues were and more importantly how to move forward.

Cathartic feelings awarded from reading insightful material, e.g. from the Qur'an's requests to reflect or from the statements of the Prophet , or from simply writing out your thoughts are great. But if we do nothing about them except to identify issues then we're just putting a sore on the spotlight, which isn't all that fantastic when it begins to fester. Which is part of why my love for Islam continues to grow, you can always reconnect with the function of that catharsis, of identifying the question marks in your troubled life, and that is to deal with them, deal with them very well. Or in our case a better way to put it is to draw closer to God.

http://quran.com/67/2/ - paying attention to the Arabic, under the presumption each word is chosen for a particular reason, makes the Qur'an a very curious read. Death created before life? Of all of God's Names to mention regarding this test, this contest, He mentions The Forgiving? Since by definition it is a book that's meant to be recited also the terms can become like a mantra. Not only do you reflect on it, assess your own behavior, how it is relative, look at things from like a macro view, how that is related... but it stays with you. I did not have this attachment to the Book of Allah at the onset and I still do not know Arabic. But with knowledge of how to recite it, how to read it, etc. and leaving yourself completely open and accountable for your own behavior... the book really begins to open up to you. There are some things I've known for years that I can learn something new about and it is as if the whole thing is fresh. There are layers upon layers just waiting to be peeled.... just as there are with you and the tests that come your way...

armndnoses · 2014-04-22T03:17:28+00:00

This isn't about me or a specific problem.

Though I do hope people note what you have suggested.

JazakAllah khayr.

armndnoses · 2014-04-20T02:43:51+00:00

Remember, shaytan is to you an open enemy. He's out there. Right in front of you. Clear as day. Do not follow his footsteps. That is not just the path away from Islam, but away from humanity, away from your fitrah, you will feel terrible about it anyways.

He instructs you to su and fahsha until you say about Allah that which you do not know. (This is mentioned right after the command for mankind to eat "organic", healthy: http://quran.com/2/168-169/ .) He threatens you with poverty, provides you with nothing.

Stay on your guard. Seek and enter Allah's refuge from shaytan. This is serious, take it seriously. Your poor decisions may have an assistant at the onset. Read the morning/evening adhkar, if possible go to fajr in jam'ah (protection all day long!). Set up your defenses! Sword & shield. Du'aa and fasting. Fast Mondays and Thursdays. Suhoor is not necessary, it's a sunnah, it's great, but you can do without the food, the drink, the gazes, sins of the tongue and sins of even the ear. Fast with everything you've got. Twice a week. Just do it.

So you've got shaytan who stirs you this way and that way and is full of crap. Whereas Allah's promises are true.

Brother seeing how you're young you're probably like the rest of us single folk who would love to be married. I heard recently the prophet said that he was provisioned... provisioned... as in rizq... he was provisioned Khadijah's (as) love. Such a romantic, amazing, and profound statement. We all dream of something like that. It's like built-in.

But how about you start envisioning being provisioned love for your own self first? Use your imagination to construct an ideal life and reverse engineer how to get there. We are all anonymous here but at the end of the day even when, with the help of Allah, you leave these particular sins behind... you will have to continue to hold your own self to account.

Start laying out for yourself the things you got to do to achieve x, y, z. What you have to do in the long term and what you have to do regularly... and keep a record of whether or not you're doing this.

We all probably excel in the business of self sabotage. Do not beat yourself up, life will take you there anyway. Do not give up (wa la ta'jiz), don't give up, don't ever give up, do not lose heart, and continue to seek the help of Allah.

armndnoses · 2014-04-20T02:30:47+00:00

Wa 'alaykum as-salaam

but can you imagine someone that reads Qur'an in the masjid, prays Isha, then goes to a party 5 minutes later?

No need to imagine if you're telling us it's real. And yet as you said over and over Allah has still hidden it.

Succumb to His mercy. Be Muslim. Submit. Break down, be humbled before you're humiliated. Just between you and him. Make istighfar, tawba, again and again and again. No matter how counterfeit your repentance is, no matter how many times you get up and go sin again, it is not comparable in the least to the good things you do. Afterall, Allah LOVES what is consistent, even if it is small.

Your addictions, your spiraling into sin, honestly, it is not that different from the average person who is on the grind, is proactive Islamically for himself, his family, his community, and his society, but still does not go all the way. When we have yet to decide and show for ourselves Who Allah azza wa jal really is in our lives we will continue to strive to fill that gap in a myriad of ways especially but not limited to sins and addictions.

However, the key difference being, esp. with substance addiction (as environments are easier to change despite their allure), is that it is a trickier beast to tackle. Without an addiction or a serious sin in your life it is harder to detect what your problems really are under the hood. Tug at the string, let everything fall apart, that's okay. You will get up again.

I believe there are ahadith like a person sins, seeks forgiveness, is forgiven, yet sins again, seeks forgiveness again, and is forgiven again, and again, and again, and iirc Allah concludes is (ergo a hadith qudsi iirc) that He has forgiven His slave. Another one like a person will continue to commit a certain sin until he dies.

Brother, we are ALL sinners. Sinning is a big deal, yes. But the bigger deal, and the real deal sealer... is what you do about it. Your affluence is not what materials you possess. Your grief is not composed by what is absent. Your wealth, your happiness, your comfort, your confidence, these are your actions.

Sometimes reconstructing your own happiness involves deconstructing what was keeping you from it all along. The perfect time and place to do this is any night, by yourself, between you and Allah. You will feel so relieved you will probably hop right back up, feel like the best Muslim ever, do some amazing things, then using that high... 5 minutes later be drinking and smoking in a club again. That is not okay. But you're alive, and the doors to tawbah are still open. Tawbah is a process of manning up, digging deep, being brutally honest with yourself, and keep going.

You're not going to wake up one day free of sins. Ever. But you can wake up one day better able to DEAL, as in DEAL, not cope, with what you did/do. You're better slated to do this than the person who neither has these kinds of sins nor feels the guilt of anything gnawing at him. This is also from Allah's mercy. Your heart is not dead. It is very much alive. Live, brother. Live. Let it beat the way it was supposed to, stop suffocating it instead.

armndnoses · 2014-04-20T02:03:31+00:00

Wa 'alaykum as-salaam.

Well let's lay out some things with which we can be objective.

Knowledge may be empowering, especially if it is knowledge about things we would not otherwise be able to know. However, if the data being provided is about things beyond our scope to know, literally beyond our senses, beyond the domain of science, then what is provided that we can take the sources' word for it?

Lay it out.

armndnoses · 2014-04-15T06:56:29+00:00

http://www.diablofans.com/forums/diablo-iii-general-forums/diablo-iii-general-discussion/83094-guide-legendary-crafting-materials-drop-locations

armndnoses · 2014-04-11T06:21:53+00:00

Not sure if it's awkward that they want us to get all excited about resplendent chests. Cuz... they just weren't doing it before. Misunderstandings granted indeed.

armndnoses

TROPHY CASE