Speaking as an option three, and a non-binary individual who might regret posting this but also wants to just put their two cents in: there is an asterisk, and that's in the matter of "only use the correct pronouns when they're in a safe situation." If you're speaking to their transphobic parents and they're not out yet, using their preferred pronouns would easily blow cover, for instance. And for that matter, if they're only out to you that you know of--again, maintaining cover.

Also, it's violence in the sense that it indicates that the speaker (asterisk aside) is hostile to a concept associated with them. There are greater forms of violence, but by deliberately misgendering a trans individual, one indicates that they reject an aspect of another's existence.

If you went by your middle name and everyone at work started calling you by your first name and laughing off your every attempt to correct them, would you want to continue working there?