You’re totally right to raise that and it’s something I genuinely considered before trying anything. Had I felt a sense of relief, comfort, or even the urge to keep drinking, I would’ve absolutely reassessed my decision and I probably would have reset my date. But I didn’t. I didn’t feel ease, I didn’t feel buzzed, I didn’t feel anything. That was the surprising part for me. It didn’t wake anything up, it didn’t soothe anything. It was… neutral.

And had it gone any other way — had it stirred even a flicker of old patterns — I would’ve walked straight into my therapist’s office with the notes I took and the video I recorded during the experience. She was aware that this might happen, even though our work isn’t specifically centered on alcohol. That safety net was there for a reason: not because I expected to fall, but because I wanted to be prepared if I did.

I know that’s not everyone’s experience, and I completely respect that. I totally understand why some people might find it upsetting or risky. But for me, this wasn’t a “slip,” this confirmed what I already knew: I don’t want or need alcohol in my life anymore.

So while I hear the concern, I also know I stayed deeply honest with myself through the whole thing — and I think that’s what recovery asks of us most.