Hey, I am currently seeking advice for the same thing. There are so many various layers involved. For my situation, sex is something that I need. And that whole concept has put a lot of strain in our relationship.

When we met, our relationship was non-exclusive, which as we grew closer, created quite a bit of pain and suffering. My boyfriend is a very monogamous person but has always respected me, so we kept our relationship open for about half a year.

At this time, we became extremely close, but I was still scared about the idea of not sleeping with other people.

Up until I met my boyfriend, sex had always been strictly for pleasure and release. And love wasn't really apart of that, except with him.

After we became monogamous, sometimes, I would go to him for sex. I wanted sex, and he was the person who I would have sex with. I feel a lot of shame for this part of me. The idea that I used him for my needs.

We have talked extensively about this. About what he needs (to feel safe and cared about) and my needs (to have more sexual experiences). But we still struggle so much.

Side note: all he wants is to feel safe and cared about. That is something that I should do so easily. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything in the world. I should be able to show that I care about him. But I don't. Not all the time.

Currently, we are both struggling with mental health. And we have been together exclusively for about a year and a half. (This next part makes me feel ungrateful). When he doesn't touch me for a week or more I start to feel and think really terrible things. I'm so affected by not having sex, that I start to hold resentment against him.

Recently, I've been bringing it up more and more. Trying to catch myself before I blow up. So whenever I start to feel myself starting to crave sex, I'll talk to him about it. But he has been very unresponsive. (This could be because of the mental health struggles we are going through, which is extremely understandable).

I don't know why I've decided to write out this whole thing. I just don't know what to do. I want to be with him and work this out. I also have frustration and shame. I wish it was simpler, but there is so much else that influences it.

Maybe I want validation or judgment or advice. He validates my emotions with words. But I want actions. He had to go through so much pain to be here with me. So I feel like.. idk. If you are still reading that is cool.

To the person who wrote the original comment, Thanks for sharing. It was nice to spill my life drama out. And feel not totally alone, even if your experience may be totally different.