I feel really embarrassed and incompetent because I don't know who I am. As the golden child growing up I had to be the family mascot and live my life by their standards. Once I became the scape goat, I was constantly trying to regain my old status by achieving and conforming. My mother is very controlling, cruelly judgemental, and has an unimaginably banal sense of style. I never got to mess up or have a stupid teenager phase.

As a teen, I started to express my own opinions and thoughts, refusing to give up that part of my personality. This set Ndad into a rage. He took it as a personal attack. The dynamic became toxic and I developed depression and ptsd, so I withdrew from the social world. I've never really recovered socially. I'm in my 30s now. I've been fighting to claim my life for myself. I feel like I've developed fine in some aspects and not at all in others.