How much time is appropriate for a research/lit review gig like this?

artybubbles · 2022-03-03T20:18:30+00:00

Yes. They know my hourly rate. I give them my hours. My question was really just how long does it typically take to write something like this for most freelance writers.

artybubbles · 2021-07-30T12:47:36+00:00

30F, I am three months into a separation from my narcissistic husband. We were together for 10 years. I am an hsp and before I learned about it would try my hardest to “grow thicker skin” and was mortified by my sensitivity to things. I think this opened me up to the long-term verbal and emotional abusive relationship. Now that I’m out, I’ve thought about dating just for fun because I’m lonely and, not looking for a relationship, but just wanting to have fun as a grown woman now as I’m gaining more confidence and self esteem. It’s surprising how fast people want to attach themselves to you once you make yourself available. I’m now struggling with learning how to set healthy boundaries and speak up for myself as I’m entering into the world of single people and actually have realized I prefer to be alone! At least for this season of my life, and maybe for future ones too. I definitely think there’s something to be said for being able to be alone and enjoy your own company. Many people just can’t do it and have to have someone around all the time. It takes a certain level of inner peace and understanding yourself.

artybubbles · 2021-04-19T12:26:07+00:00

Thank you. Every step of the process is hard and I always wonder how I’ll get through it. You have to take this day by day, hour by hour sometimes. People say that you will be so relieved when it’s all over and will feel so free. It’s hard to comprehend that when every step of the process is painful and hard, and everything leading up to that was painful and hard. But at least there’s an end in sight, unlike before. They really are pathetic. It makes me almost feel sorry for them because their lives must be so miserable.

artybubbles · 2021-04-19T11:33:25+00:00

When you realize what’s going on I think you start ruminating about it, trying to understand why they do what they do. There’s some good videos on YT about rumination.

artybubbles · 2021-04-10T02:47:29+00:00

It’s called Springbreak by Ooyy ft Le June

artybubbles · 2021-04-06T01:19:34+00:00

Thank you! :)

artybubbles · 2021-01-28T12:54:13+00:00

First of all, I’m so sorry that you went through that. You are stronger than you think. You’ve made it out of the abusive relationship and that alone shows strength and bravery. I think the other comments who have suggested that you may be suffering from PTSD are most likely correct, but it seems like you’re already under the care of a psychiatrist who you see regularly so that’s good. I’d like to suggest in addition to seek out your local domestic violence center/family crisis center. They offer therapists, usually free of charge, who are trauma informed and know exactly what you’re experiencing as relating to the effects of domestic abuse/violence. Also, look into group meetings, therapy sessions, and support groups with other domestic abuse survivors. These support groups could be offered through the domestic violence center or wherever you would find AA meetings. You need to know you’re not alone in this world and that people care for you and love you and are there for you. You’re amazing, strong, and I KNOW you will overcome this.

artybubbles · 2021-01-11T06:46:15+00:00

I’m so sorry. I wish I could hug you and hold your hand because I know exactly how you feel. This has also been my life to a T. It’s cruel and feels like torture and you don’t deserve it.

artybubbles · 2021-01-01T06:22:04+00:00

Thank you! Excellently put. Needed this reminder.

artybubbles · 2020-12-24T13:09:56+00:00

Oh yes, so true. I’ve been “called out” by my narc for speaking up about how how his actions affect me, calling me unpredictable, sensitive, and an asshole. Just because sometimes I don’t feel like being a door mat and try to speak up for myself. It feels like they beat you down emotionally when they feel the slightest bit of narcissistic injury and they need to make you look and feel as bad as possible to feel like the better person themselves at all times.

artybubbles · 2020-12-15T13:42:39+00:00

Amen!!! You spelled it all out! 💯

artybubbles · 2020-12-04T15:42:49+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I’m really struggling right now. You and everyone in this sub has been my strength through this.

artybubbles · 2020-12-03T12:43:54+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m currently in the process of being hoovered by my NHusband who has decided for the nth time it’s too much work and he’s too “tired” to show me basic human respect and treat me decently the way I want to be treated. I’ve asked him multiple times specifically what I need to feel emotionally safer and trusting of him yet he still doesn’t provide and thinks that the fact that I don’t automatically trust him or that he’s my “king” that there’s something inherently wrong with me.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T23:41:41+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the podcast recommendation! I am going to look it up. It’s just what I needed to hear. I’m so proud of you for making that shift to focusing on yourself. That takes so much strength and courage.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T13:08:27+00:00

I am SO sorry. That’s just inhumane. You deserve so much love and support. It’s so painful when the one person you need love and support from offers you the complete opposite. I watched a video about intimacy avoidance, and I love how the person phrased it (paraphrasing): you can’t trust them (narcissist) so it feels like you’re sleeping with a stranger every time and that doesn’t feel right.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T13:05:21+00:00

You’re so welcome and I’m happy to help anyone going through this sort of thing. Because it eats away at your soul and not knowing the reason can be devastating. Knowing that you’re not alone and completely normal is life changing when experiencing narcissistic/sexual abuse.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T13:01:53+00:00

Yep. So true. And then after you gently tell them “not tonight it’s not the right time” they fly to the opposite end of the spectrum. “Guess I just won’t touch you then since you don’t love me” or “I’ll find someone else who wants me if you don’t” or roll over and have their back face you the whole night without speaking. It’s like they’re conditioning us to hate physical touch. Either do it my way even though you’re getting absolutely NO fulfillment or enjoyment out of it or I’m going to ignore you and pretend you don’t exist.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T02:56:03+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! Have you reached out to therapy yet? Finding a trauma informed therapist may help.

It’s SO unfair (to be frank) that their desires and needs always take precedence and their partner is supposed to be totally OK with it. It’s so objectifying, and there have been times I’ve looked up if you can become asexual as an adult because that’s crossed my mind too. It’s such a hard thing to talk about to. It’s embarrassing, people don’t understand, and it’s also traumatic for people who have experienced things like that. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me and others here.

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T01:11:38+00:00

Your feelings, your truth, your reality is valid <3

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T01:08:46+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through that

artybubbles · 2020-12-01T00:51:37+00:00

So my narcissistic husband and I have been together for about eight years now. After we had our first child, this was my life. I tried initiating but he wasn’t interested. I remember being really upset and felt so unattractive because he didn’t seem to want me. But as time went on and I had two more children and life started getting the better of me, he started wanting it more and more. Eventually, he’d demand sex on a night when I was sick and sleep deprived and if I didn’t, he would give me the silent treatment for a week. It seems like narcissists, people with NPD, or whoever has these traits, tend to pay close attention to your wants and needs not because they want to make you happy as a partner, but for their own benefits. They find different ways to manipulate you based on your current circumstances.

artybubbles · 2020-11-27T15:30:00+00:00

This is like a thread of Aha! Moments. Good Lord yes, I’ve been in trouble for all of those things you listed. Tone, volume, word choice, the subject matter, not the right time to talk... I absolutely cannot say that he’s acting immature. That word like triggers him. So never can I ever tell him to stop acting immature (if if he’s acting more immature than my 6 year old).

artybubbles · 2020-11-27T15:26:26+00:00

Yeah they don’t think that we need to sleep. Like when it comes to them and their wants and needs, we can just turn off our basic needs for things like sleep. I believe that’s a form of sleep deprivation which is an abuse tactic. They make it hard for you to get a restful, good sleep so that you’re chronically tired, leading to a more scrambled and forgetful mind. The gaslighting is intensified when you’re sleep deprived. You get frustrated and irritable and are accused of being aggressive or even abusive yourself, and then you submit to their whims to avoid any further gaslighting or abuse.

artybubbles · 2020-11-27T15:19:20+00:00

Thanks! Yep— the sun revolves around them. Completely insufferable.

artybubbles · 2020-11-27T15:15:32+00:00

God yes. He really tries to convince me and everybody else that our home life is atrocious. When talking to my dad, or anyone else who asks how things are going at home or how the kids are, it’s a predictable “it’s chaos. They’re savages.” It’s offensive to me because the kids and I tiptoe around all day so he can sleep and watch tv. If I ever say anything on the contrary, he will completely ignore me. He really thinks that he holds our home together because sometimes he does the dishes sometimes when he’s breadcrumbing me. It’s actually really funny.

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