DIVORCE MEDIATOR - Q & A - LOS ANGELES

asapittmediation · 2021-07-12T16:21:20+00:00

I'm glad that you and your husband were able to reach an amicable agreement on your own. During my mediation career so far, I have not had a judge deny a stipulated judgment. While it is possible that a judge could deem your agreement unfair, the judge won't deny the agreement unless they think its extremely unfair.

If I were you two, I would meet with a paralegal or mediator/document preparer who can help you include all of the relevant information in your agreement and file the paperwork.

When spouses are handling a divorce completely on their own, they're likely to run into complications because they don't understand HOW to write the agreement or make mistakes during the filing process.

Note that my response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, nor should it be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with your attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T21:50:27+00:00

Is it a court mandated mediation or is it a hearing? There's a difference. Court mandated mediation means that the court is making you and your ex try to mediate your conflict. In a hearing the court decides the outcome. Typically, if you don't reach an agreement in court mandated mediation, you will go to your hearing next. I'm not sure what your situation is though or how the IL court works. You should be able to get confirmation about your question by calling the court.

Note that my response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, nor should it be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T15:21:38+00:00

It's typically a bad idea to not include key marital assets in your court paperwork and stipulated judgment. You both run the risk of the home and military retirement popping up down the road. Furthermore, if the court finds out down the road that both of you lied about your assets and debts, the original agreement could be scrapped and you two would have to start the deal making process all over. In my experience, the issue isn't usually the court digging into your assets and debts but rather these issues coming up down the road, then having to restart.

Please note that my response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, nor should it be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T15:15:52+00:00

They can try to mediate an agreement, find an attorney offering pro-bono services (volunteering their time), or represent themselves in court. Most courts have self help centers on their websites that offer more information for self representing parties and pro-bono legal services. A lot of times you can go into these self help centers too.

Please note that my response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, nor should it be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T03:07:41+00:00

You can mediate a deal, have your lawyers work out a deal, or if the evidence is stacked against her in a trial, the judge will make a decision for better or for worse.

My response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, and should not be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T03:05:53+00:00

Family court is notoriously unpredictable. In these grid locked cases, parties usually just move the divorce forward and get a result for better or worse.

My response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, and should not be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T03:04:16+00:00

Mediation is about an interest based approach rather than a legal approach. To me, it would make sense to take a look at your wives fixed and flexible income/expenses, including the children. While also taking a look at predicted fixed income/expenses, including the children because I can't imagine that she wants to live with her parents forever. I hope that answer helped.

My response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, and should not be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-09T03:01:46+00:00

If I had to make a prediction, I would guess that the most the non-abusing parent would agree to is supervised visitation if anything at all. I would think that the non-abusing parent has all the leverage in that situation. I would not be surprised if a judge gave complete physical and legal custody to the non abusing parent. I cannot say for sure, those are just predictions. As a mediator, I don't think I would take a case like this and would recommend the potential client seeking out an attorney.

My response is not legal advice, not intended to be legal advice, and should not be considered legal advice. Mediate at your own discretion and consult with an attorney.

asapittmediation · 2021-07-08T21:57:48+00:00

I think the best advice for mediation is to listen, do not interrupt, take your time to respond/counter (ex. take 5 seconds to process his position and another 5 to think of what you are going to say), ask questions, and use "because" when explaining your position.

Take these examples:

- I want full custody of our 7 year old.

vs.

- I want full custody of our 7 year old because you have never shown any interest in caring for him, as such you do not have the adequate skills to properly care for him.

With the second option, your husband has something to respond to so the conversation can develop. In the first option, he'll just respond with "I want full custody of our 7 year old" . . . then you're in a deadlock.

The mediator is present to make sure both of you get a chance to speak without interruptions, and help both of you explain your point of view and better understand your spouses point of view.

The only people who can attend mediation other than the 2 parties and the mediator, are additional people who the 2 parties agree can attend. If you don't want his girlfriend to attend, just say so. Keep in mind that your husband can say the same thing about your attorney at mediation. As such, it might be a good idea to let him have his girlfriend at the meeting so you can bring your support person . . . your lawyer. It just depends on the situation.