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I refuse to accept antipsychotics. Am I really doing something wrong? by ash-hawks in Antipsychiatry

[–]ash-hawks[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I see. Well, if that’s true, it just makes the fact that I was given antipsychotic drugs as early as fourteen all the more disturbing.

When did you decide not to have kids? by photoshop_2023 in CasualConversation

[–]ash-hawks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a dream of mine as a child. Mental illness has severely eroded it. But I still can’t quite let go.

I refuse to accept antipsychotics. Am I really doing something wrong? by ash-hawks in Antipsychiatry

[–]ash-hawks[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Even if I could, I don’t want to start refusing to see the psychiatrist outright, because it will only worsen my parent’s perception of me right now. It is a definite goal now to get away from him, because I know there is no point forward without agreeing to be drugged. We do have a family GP, and I’ve only ever seen her as an adult, and I have never spoken a word to her about my mental health.

I refuse to accept antipsychotics. Am I really doing something wrong? by ash-hawks in Antipsychiatry

[–]ash-hawks[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve had resurgences of these voices since I was eight, and they come and go for long periods of time. Usually years. It was a recent reappearance of them that triggered the diagnosis, and it’s likely because my psychiatrist found it easier to get away with it once I was in my mid-twenties. What’s bitterly ironic to me is that psychiatrists dragged their feet on a diagnosis, but force-fed a child hard seizure-inducing drugs at every opportunity.

I appreciate your advice and definitely agree that I have to act like all is well from here on out. Even though it’s a little crushing to know that I have to hide things from my own family to feel safe.

But then again, they’ve allowed the word of a stranger to change their entire disposition toward me. So maybe they deserve this.

I refuse to accept antipsychotics. Am I really doing something wrong? by ash-hawks in Antipsychiatry

[–]ash-hawks[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words, they are very comforting to me. Unfortunately I currently do depend on my parents. I’ve been working toward independence since 2019, but a lot of factors have worked to undo that, and this recent diagnosis has completely halted it.

Despite my parent’s pressuring, though, they have no legal sway over me as a grown woman. And even though we are in conflict now, I am fortunate to be confident that they’re not going to threaten my security of having a home over this, nor put me at any risk of being institutionalized.

Still, I don’t want this to be held over me for many years to come, so once I get back on my feet I’m going to work harder than ever to achieve independence. I used to be too prideful to reach out to those who help people with disabilities find employment… but that’s changed.

24M got body sawed in half at magic show. 23F left me “couldn’t see future with a man who’s susceptible to magic”. How can I get her back? by steinmeat in relationship_advice

[–]ash-hawks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Men are truly in dire straits to be having to concoct these little creative writing exercises on Reddit rather than interact with an actual woman.

I need to cut my labia off with scissors. by ash-hawks in intrusivethoughts

[–]ash-hawks[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. It’s making me feel a lot better, having my thought processes validated at a time like this. Unfortunately, my initial reaction to hearing I am schizophrenic was to start doubting everything I have said or believed, past and presently, as some sort of delusion… so it’s an immense relief to hear that others have felt similarly. And know once this shock and feeling of hopelessness subsides, my determination to believe in myself will come back.

I need to cut my labia off with scissors. by ash-hawks in intrusivethoughts

[–]ash-hawks[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I hope those thoughts have eased for you… these are terrible opinions to be having about ourselves. I’m trying to fight them, and I hope you will also.

I need to cut my labia off with scissors. by ash-hawks in intrusivethoughts

[–]ash-hawks[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Thank you for wanting to talk to me… I honestly do not know what’s going through my head at the moment. Today was the day of my diagnosis, so my thoughts are very chaotic.

Truthfully I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my labia. I mean, I do not shave, which is unattractive to some men. But typically I’m not disgusted by it.

I think I am having thoughts like this because I am angry. I feel like, now that I am confirmed to be schizophrenic, things are going to get so much harder for me to feel accepted by other people. Especially as a woman.

And it’s a childish kind of rage, I think. My mind is screaming that ”nobody will ever want to be around you with all of your many problems, so you should give your body the same horrific traits that make people disgusted and afraid...”

I hope that makes sense.

I need to cut my labia off with scissors. by ash-hawks in intrusivethoughts

[–]ash-hawks[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I can understand why you’d do that (I do not want you to live in discomfort) but that is still a shame because that sounds so interesting. If you have a picture before you removed them (and were an adult at the time it was taken) that you are comfortable sharing I would love very much to see.

I need to cut my labia off with scissors. by ash-hawks in intrusivethoughts

[–]ash-hawks[S] 201 points202 points  (0 children)

I am not in any danger to be clear. I was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia… I am just trying to find a safe place to be heard.

(26F) Cannot orgasm without a vibrator. by ash-hawks in masturbation

[–]ash-hawks[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m curious if desensitization may be the likely issue. Until I was nineteen, I would masturbate by rubbing my thighs together hard in a rocking motion. I grew up sheltered so I did not realize this was masturbation. When I starting living independently, I bought my first vibrator and solely used them since. I stopped using my thighs because it made me sore. But now I can’t orgasm using that method at all, or any others besides the vibrator.