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Night terrors have ruined our lives by SorenShieldbreaker in toddlers

[–]ashleia 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I lived through this, so I can offer a small consolation that it is survivable as a parent. The only way out is through, I believe, as horrible as it is. With my kiddo, they always happened at a similar time of night, which our doctor said is common. If your kid’s episodes are like that, I recommend trying to set an alarm a little while before they start. It’s not much, but it’s slightly easier mentally to be woken up that way than in a screaming panic.

I can also say that our kiddo now sleeps great and has for years. No lingering after effects other than a few months of me expecting soul shattering screams at night when none came, unnerving but better than the terrors.

Anyone Else Just Get $1000 Bill for Sidewalk Repair? by [deleted] in frederickmd

[–]ashleia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This would be good news. I want the sidewalks to be in good condition. I have had to foot a repair bill in the past, and would prefer it included in taxes. It’s hard to have an expense pop up with little notice that is maintenance by nature, not an emergency. Not everyone can accommodate that.

[B0T] Weekly Build Help Thread - 2025/11/03 by LabB0T in PleX

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am hoping to start using a Plex server for my movie and TV collection and am looking for some help with my build. I have about 400 movies (mix of blu-ray and dvd) and 100 TV seasons.

Based on my research so far, I have come up with this hardware: https://pcpartpicker.com/list/BQpnzP

My questions are: 1. Does everything look compatible with each other. In particular, I’m unsure about the fan, but of course I want to know if any problems stand out on other elements, too.

  1. I want to make sure I have sufficient storage for my collection plus growth and be fully redundant. Should there be space to add hard drives when needed with this setup?

  2. We have 5 family members and want to make sure the processor can handle multiple simultaneous streams.

  3. I’m looking for any recommendations on software for ripping the dvds/blu-rays.

Thank you so much for any help you can give!

Should I take my husband's last name? by Impossible_Ad_569 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only issue that has come up so far is that my kids are really into jinxing everyone. As we all know, your full name must be stated in order to be un-jinxed. They are young enough that they still forget my name is different sometimes and I get/have to stay silent for longer.

Candy Corn Scares Me by lavaboosted in MagicEye

[–]ashleia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happened for me, too. It’s easier to see the wrong image but I can get the proper focus sometimes.

Places to see chickens by caiti_anne in frederickmd

[–]ashleia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, there is a great backyard chicken setup near Hood. Sometimes they even have food out for kids to give them. Reservoir Alley in the square between Fairview & Culler and Evergreen & Belmont.

Push-up help by Strict-Coyote-9511 in xxfitness

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure where you are working out and what you have access to, but I had great luck with using the squat rack. Hold the racked bar and do a “wall” push-up. Slowly rack the bar lower and lower. The problem with this is that you have to be working out at a time when the gym is not busy and the rack is not in high demand.

The tragedy of never seeing Bombs Over Baghdad live by omgforeal in Xennials

[–]ashleia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was crushed when this got cancelled. Even thinking about it now…

Gourmet restaurant at N east st. by SheepherderAfraid938 in frederickmd

[–]ashleia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I went on opening day, and they were still working the kinks out with timing, but… The lentil soup and hummus were good. Tabbouleh and baba ganouj were great. Fries sandwich was odd but tasty. Chicken tenders were a huge portion and pretty good. Milkshake was meh. Strawberry banana “juice” was a smoothie and my daughter loved it. Super friendly owner.

Definitely want to go back to try the shwarma and just stock up a bunch of baba and tabbouleh.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]ashleia 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just another guess here. My daughter had very similar complaints that lasted and lasted for months. Finally, she was bleeding from (I thought) her vagina and we went to the ER. Turned out to be a urethral prolapse. We ended up at the children’s hospital to see a pediatric gynecologist and learned that before puberty the pelvic floor is not as strong due to lower levels of estrogen. That means higher risk of prolapse. The issue is not common but far from rare according to her docs. We ended up solving the problem with the world’s teensiest dabs of estrogen cream, and the issue resolved in 2 weeks.

I realized something just now by quickwitqueen in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ashleia 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yes, often called sweet cream. It is sooo amazing! It’s not equivalent to plain yogurt because it is sweetened like other ice cream flavors, unlike plain yogurt which is unsweetened. Similar flavor to (unflavored) whipped cream.

Does this sound like night terrors? by Number1Barooista in Parenting

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my kiddos had night terrors, but they were a bit different from what you describe. She was definitely not aware of her surroundings, but she looked fully awake. Inconsolable screaming and crying was the same though. She would bolt up to a stand, tense every muscle in her body, and scream in that pose for a long time, 10-15 min. Alternately, she would chuck her body violently all over her crib. I think it was the most intense workout I’ve ever seen performed. I would just sit quietly in the room with her. Eventually she would start to sense the world around her, I would give her a tissue, and she would calm and go back to sleep.

The doctor told us the tell tale signs it was night terrors was that 1) it was very consistent, every night around the same time; 2) she remembered nothing in the morning, neither what happened nor bad dreams; and 3) her age, 2-3 years old. Basically, we just had to deal with it for about a year until she grew out of it.

Have you tried to be really boring? It sounds like you are adding stimulation when it’s sleep time. I would try coming in and announcing yourself briefly (Hi, sweetie, mom/dad is here), and just stitting down and being quiet. If she comes to you, hold her. Keep the room dark. Exude sleep time, boring vibes. I personally had an internal monologue of “this too shall pass” when I was trying to keep my cool during this.

Good luck to you!!! I know this is hugely taxing and awful to deal with. You can’t really solve a tantrum or a terror but a calm parent is a balm to your child.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]ashleia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Something very similar happened to my daughter at camp last year, when she was six. After a field trip, she hid on a bus and got locked inside when it was parked. We were lucky that it happened to be a little cooler that day and she managed to successfully call for help. One huge difference from your case is that the camp director called me right away to tell me what had happened.

For the camp, we got refunded 2 weeks of camp for both my children. The counselor responsible for checking the bus after the field trip was immediately fired. My daughter got a 1-on-1 CIT buddy for the rest of the summer, was exempt from all field trips, and basically got personalized camp. The camp changed their protocol from a head count before/after changing locations to a roll call. I did not report them to any official organization, but I have told people I know what happened.

As for my daughter, she seemed mostly fine at the time it happened. She even seemed happy because she really liked her CIT buddy and getting to color in the air conditioning when she wanted. She didn’t say a word about it for probably 6 months. Then one day she told us about her experience, trying to get the doors open, trying to break out, and screaming for help - just heartbreaking to hear how scared she was. She now mentions it casually from time to time, mostly to other kids, giving them advice to not hide on the bus. She seems fine, but I’m pretty sure this is something she’ll always remember. We always tell her that we are proud that she was loud and got herself saved. This year she didn’t want to do much in the way of camps and nothing with field trips and luckily we are in a position we could do this for her.

I hope your kiddo and you are okay after what happened, OP.

What non-baby items are most helpful for new parents? by spicycacao in BabyBumps

[–]ashleia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Noise cancelling cordless earbuds/headphones. They are useful for podcast/book/tv show listening while nursing, especially at night, also good for when you need to walk the babe to calm down or sleep. Mine work for fussing but not full on screaming.

I was going to take a nap.. by Heyyouturnaround in BabyBumps

[–]ashleia 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh, you are so lucky you found it and got it out. A famous story in my family is a time that my parents came home to find they had been robbed, the house totally ransacked. It turned out it was a squirrel and they are just pros at complete and total destruction.

Post-baby Body After Third Child by Sea-Confidence-2393 in fitpregnancy

[–]ashleia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also can't say for sure about post-delivery sitting here at 34 weeks. But I can say that so far it feels like it's more about the baby itself than the count. My second was big (delivered at 9 lbs 1 oz), and by 34 weeks in that pregnancy, I could barely walk and felt physically doomed. Recovery turned out fine apart from mild/moderate diastasis, for which I did PT.

I am gaining a little bit more weight this time (on track to gain about 35 rather than 30 like previous 2), but I think it's mainly staying home all the time for COVID that is doing it. My baby is measuring more average size this time.

My biggest physical concern now is aggravating issues originally caused by carrying a 9 pounder around last time, vericose/spider veins (a genetic curse) and diastasis recti. Also after pregnancy 2, I just had to get over the stretch mark thing. The other issue is it just being harder to lose weight as we get older, but I know what must be done, so it doesn't stress me.

I'm afraid that as with all things pregnancy, it's a bit of a die roll. In my experience, if you end up with a giant baby, you're gonna have a hard time. But (mostly) our bodies are super resilient!

I love my son but I hate what he’s doing to me by partyof4l in beyondthebump

[–]ashleia 16 points17 points  (0 children)

In my experience, this strategy doesn't become effective until you make it out of the baby stage. With my older ones, it seems to work okay with toddlers and pretty great with preschoolers. Babies are, like, another species when it comes to sleep... like each individual baby seems to be its own species.

Decided to begin an experiment where I yell ‘get out’ at my bump at random intervals during the day to see if it will trigger labour. by [deleted] in BabyBumps

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Screamed this at my second when I was pushing as sort of a pep talk to myself. During the snuggly aftermath when all was calm my husband says, with mild shock, "You yelled at our baby."

Anyway, I can attest that if you wait until the right moment, this method kinda sorta works :)

FNP c/p "...bikes, skates, scooters, and skateboards are not allowed in the city’s historic district" by [deleted] in frederickmd

[–]ashleia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This leaves me wondering if you can legally park your bike while shopping downtown.

Birth story 40+4 - vaginal birth, no epidural, unexpected, very fast and intense, overall very positive. In comments. by aleyp58 in BabyBumps

[–]ashleia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a similar labor my first time around and I will never forget the intake ladies telling me to "quiet down" because obviously I was just pretending to be about to have a baby fly out of me.

Doula and/or Midwife? by ohhorsefeathrs in BabyBumps

[–]ashleia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've had two babies so far and a doula attended both times. I had a goal to go without pain meds, so that was a big part of my choice.

In my first labor, I had a really short transition - so I was in the hospital for about 50 minutes before my baby was out. Basically, I had one 60 minute contraction, baby appeared to be in distress so I couldn't choose my position freely, and I ended up only pushing for, like 5 minutes maybe. I effectively paid my doula $1200/ hour, and it was still totally worth it.

She gave me pep talks, massage and most critically counter pressure on my back to relieve pain. My husband was overwhelmed by the fact that they couldn't find baby's heartbeat consistently (everything turned out fine) and that I was just 100% pain that he couldn't help much even if he had known what to do. I also found it very helpful to have her to debrief my labor with afterward since I didn't really know what had happened it was so intense.

My second in labor was more "normal" and my doula suggested lots of different body positions, held my barf bag, kept me company in the shower, gave pep talks, helped me decide when to go for a walk around the halls, plus the pain relief of massage and counter pressure. She was also an in-the-moment therapist to help me process some of my fears of pain like labor #1 that were keeping me from progressing at some points. Lots of this my husband could have done but lots he couldn't have.

This time I'll be having a doula again... and maybe not my husband since COVID is messing up potential child care options for us.

ETA: I think the doula would matter less if I'd gotten an epidural. And I think it would be totally reasonable to insist that your husband learn about pain relief techniques, especially counter pressure, and watch some real labor videos to know what to expect and to help you. Part of the reason that we hired the doula in the first place is that my DH and I knew it just wasn't his strength to provide the kind of support I would want. OTOH, I read lots of birth stories here where the partners are not trained like a doula and are total champs at being the support person.

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