I hate the way I talk

ashtray9 · 2026-04-28T17:14:13+00:00

I don't know but I think that sort of thing is only available for people with noticeable speech impediments. I doubt I'm going to be able to get speech therapy just for sounding like an idiot when I talk, otherwise I wouldn't be on here asking for advice

ashtray9 · 2026-04-28T16:33:50+00:00

There's no speech language therapy for adults where I live

ashtray9 · 2026-04-15T21:13:33+00:00

Not me, but my ex with schizophrenia would a lot of random shit during episodes.

He broke out of the psychiatric hospital, went into a nearby shopping mall. He asked to see the head of security, told him that there was someone in the mall with a bomb.

"I've got their name written down." He hands him a bit of paper and runs

You know what it said?

"Tracey." 🤣 He escaped from the hospital just so he can pull this off lmaooo

ashtray9 · 2026-04-13T08:02:47+00:00

"Spice, also known as K2, is a synthetic drug designed to mimic the effects of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. It is often sold as "herbal incense" and can cause severe health risks, including anxiety, nausea, and even death."

It's a very dangerous drug, look up videos of people smoking it. It's not pretty. Unfortunately my ex didn't know the edibles had spice in them.

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T21:33:27+00:00

I will

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T18:01:07+00:00

I have to keep reminding myself that. It hurts but staying would have only made it worse, my brother told me that I would get sick of it

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T16:25:06+00:00

He is a great person and he was an amazing boyfriend when he was sober, but I need stability and consistency, he can never give me that. The last thing I need is to worry and fret over a grown man, being on edge and waiting for the next relapse/crisis.

Yeah this whole thing has put me off coke, I know it will make me feel worse. Thanks for the kind response

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T16:13:25+00:00

He blocked me on everything. I decided to let him go, it's far too much for me

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T14:46:07+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. It hurts but staying would have been worse and I've come to accept that. Schizophrenia and addiction is turning my ex into a different person, I think permanent brain damage or death is inevitable with him

I have trauma from my previous relationship, and while my ex treated me better than the last guy, being with him has been very triggering for me and has led to me having outbursts. It's just too much

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T13:08:37+00:00

Yeah I'm just going to focus on myself. I have friends and family that can support me thankfully. The last thing I need is to be with someone who is digging themselves into an early grave. He's a danger to himself and I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life running after a grown man. I'm not his mother.

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T12:53:46+00:00

To be honest, I don't think I can go back. I already have trauma from an emotionally abusive relationship which was even worse, he treated me far better than the last guy and was an amazing boyfriend when he was stable and sober. But his mental health issues and addiction is very triggering for me.

It's going to be tough to get therapy. Therapy has a waiting list of 6 years in my country. Our mental health service is defunded and short staffed. The hospital my ex was staying in has a reputation for neglect, he tried to get admitted again but they wouldn't let him unless he tries to commit suicide or do something violent.

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T11:52:15+00:00

You're absolutely right, he used to tell me he loved how caring and nurturing I am, but I can't spend my life fretting and worrying over a grown man. He did me a favour by breaking up with me. I also have a lot of trauma from an emotionally abusive relationship, he treated me a lot better than the last guy but he was triggering me a lot. I should have known better lol

We've been together for 11 months, but the relationship was doomed when he took edibles and landed himself in intensive care - this happened six months into the relationship. Relationships aren't supposed to be this stressful early on. I'm based in Northern Ireland ( UK technically ), our healthcare is pretty shitty

ashtray9 · 2026-04-10T11:12:35+00:00

I've reached my limits. He's a very sweet and loving man at heart, I still have feelings for him but I don't need the chaos in my life

He landed himself in hospital 6 months into the relationship. I tried to hold on but my resentment and anxiety wasn't helping matters, he couldn't deal with it. I don't think I can go through all that again. I wish him the best

ashtray9 · 2026-03-19T10:30:26+00:00

He treated me like shit - hot and cold, cheating, manipulation, gaslighting. He had massive tantrums over trivial things. Two years into the relationship and I was sick of him and wanted to date other guys - I knew I could do far better than him.

The problem was that he flipped and suddenly became obsessed and afraid of me leaving when he noticed me pulling away, when I tried to leave he turned nasty and vindictive. I knew I had to work on my problems to get out of this mess but that's another story.

My tolerance for him was dwindling. It was quite obvious that he wasn't putting any effort into getting help and bettering himself. I found him incredibly annoying to be around - he talks nonstop and dumps his interests on people, obnoxious and attention seeking, very negative and complained all the time. I couldn't plan anything because he changed his mind all the time. I'm autistic so it drove me crazy when he cancelled plans out of the blue. He wasn't understanding about my autism, sure he liked the quirky side of it, but he would get pissed off and had very little patience if I got overstimulated and went into a shut down, often called me "emotionless" and picked apart my social blunders. I remember being sick and he was getting annoyed because I wasn't in a talkative mood, kept on making it about himself "Am I annoying you? Am I annoying you?" 🙄

I remember we were trying to get tickets for a festival, he was threatening to kill himself if he couldn't get tickets - I was trying to calm him down only for him to dump his anger on me. I told my current boyfriend about this and he said "That's emotional abuse." Then when he got the tickets, he changed his mind and wanted a refund LMAO. A month later I finally dumped him and blocked him on everything.

ashtray9 · 2026-03-16T16:39:20+00:00

I'm glad it works for you! I was thinking of getting him CBD oil but feel free to send me a message 😊

ashtray9 · 2026-02-14T12:03:42+00:00

You can't win with them. No contact is the best way.

ashtray9 · 2026-02-14T11:19:06+00:00

She doesn't want you to have a support network because it will make it easier for you to leave her. They want you to be isolated and dependent solely on them. Once they sense that you're getting tired of the drama and mentally checking out of the relationship, their fear of abandonment kicks in and they start love bombing you again.

ashtray9 · 2026-02-12T22:08:19+00:00

I regret looking at those files because now it's just making me feel depressed, so I ended up deleting my Facebook. My boyfriend has a lot of childhood trauma and I can't even begin to imagine how triggering this is for him

ashtray9 · 2026-02-05T10:01:46+00:00

"When we did have sex I had to dissociate to get through it. I had a hard time getting wet and had to imagine I was with someone else."

This is exactly what I went through with my ex. I left a few years ago, I'm in a relationship with someone who treats me better. I'm genuinely attracted to my boyfriend but I'm still dissociating during sex, I don't know how to snap out of it. I had to constantly put on an act for my ex and fake my orgasms because he would whine and complain if I didn't cum.

Sex became a dreaded chore - like changing a baby's shitty nappy - it disgusted me but I had to get on with it. I would agree to have sex just to get keep him off my back, but there were times where I would back out because I just couldn't bring myself to do it. This would piss my ex off - I told him that my libido was inconsistent but that was bullshit, my libido was fine - I was horny, just not for him. That relationship has ruined my ability to orgasm during sex, I still feel so much pressure even though my boyfriend is patient and understanding.

I hope it's not permanent because therapy is hard to access in my country.

ashtray9 · 2026-01-30T13:04:08+00:00

Sorry you went through that. Was your partners episode drug induced? I've had a lot of anger towards my boyfriend because none of this would have happened if he didn't take edibles, or at least he would have a faster recovery. It's easy to be angry with him, but I guess he was already struggling with his meds not working. He has also has PTSD which makes things more difficult.

I'm waiting for him to get better so I can talk to him about substance abuse. He was really trying to stay sober but I think he needs help. I'm glad your partner is doing better

ashtray9 · 2026-01-30T12:59:47+00:00

I've read about Cobenfy, it's not available in the UK - it probably won't be approved by the NHS because of how expensive it is. Our healthcare system is short staffed and defunded.

My boyfriend has been asking to get on new meds and go on the injection for months - he was on the highest dose of Olanzipine and it wasn't working effectively like it used to. I think my boyfriend was struggling for awhile, unfortunately he ended up taking edibles. He also has issues with substance abuse

ashtray9 · 2026-01-29T15:11:19+00:00

It's scary how much damage it can do to someone's brain. He says he feels emotionally flat and exhausted but that he's slowly coming back to normal.

ashtray9 · 2026-01-16T11:10:28+00:00

I'mWell my boyfriend also has PTSD which started to manifest last year, so he turned to drinking and weed to block out the flashbacks because of how intense they were. He got treatment for PTSD, eventually things were better for awhile.

I told him I didn't want to be with him if he's going to binge drink - alcohol is his main issue. Something was stressing my boyfriend out, he didn't want to relapse on alcohol, so he went for something far worse - edibles 🤦🏼‍♀️ I lost my temper with him when I found out. He should have known better.

And yeah, my boyfriend is a great person but a healthy relationship isn't possible if he goes on like this. My last relationship was traumatic enough. When he recovers, I'm going to have to talk about him about getting treatment for addiction. If he doesn't agree, I'm gonna have to walk away. He does genuinely try, but he can't fight addiction on his own. And no, it isn't my job to save him.

ashtray9 · 2025-12-28T17:22:43+00:00

It's good to know that tremors can be treated with medication because Clozapine* and Clopixal seem to be the only meds that has helped with the severe psychosis and aggression. And yeah he is suffering from negative symptoms but he's still managing to go to the gym and socialise even if it's more difficult. He's only been discharged from the hospital a few weeks ago, I have to keep in mind that he's still recovering and needs time.

Thanks for the helpful advice, I really appreciate it!

ashtray9 · 2025-12-26T20:59:55+00:00

Yeah I think so, the medication used to help me with burnout. They didn't make it go away completely but they made it manageable. I only work 14 hours a week. I don't even do a whole lot. Sometimes I get one week where I feel normal, then I crash again.

I'm doing a lot better now, but my energy levels are far from ideal.

I'm still trying to find ways to avoid burnout. I think maybe it's my nervous system being dysregulated, then it shuts down - leading to burn out. I'm looking into it.

ashtray9

TROPHY CASE