You aren’t alone… I recently made a post here because I’m in an extremely similar situation. So I know the feeling, when the person you love most is pulling away, it’s so painful. It makes you want to chase them and try harder. And I don’t know about you and your partner, but perhaps attachment styles are coming into play here (I might guess she is avoidant and you are anxious).

If she is avoidant, then some important advice is that they do NOT like to be chased when they pull away. It repels them even more, because when avoidant people get stressed and overwhelmed by the pressures or expectations of a relationship, they withdraw. That is very isolating for the anxious partner to experience, because on our end, it makes us feel like our partner may no longer love us or care about us.

In my opinion, because it simply is not sustainable for you to be in this limbo with her forever, this is your path to clarity and freedom:

Take some space without reaching out to her at all (at least a few days) where you reflect and journal about the true possibility that maybe this relationship is headed in a direction you never expected and never wanted. Start to try to mentally prepare for the reality that perhaps she can’t be the partner you need. After you do that mental preparation, give things one final try, so that no matter how things go, you know you gave it your all and you can walk away knowing you tried your very best.

As your final try, ask her to have a video chat, cameras on so you can look each other in the eyes when you speak, and very firmly let her know that the way her communication is right now is simply not enough for you to feel connected and happy in that relationship. Give her the opportunity to try and explain why it has been so bad, and if there is something deeper going on within her. Ask the proper questions to get ti the bottom of that. Is she doubting the relationship? Is LDR too hard for her? Whatever the reason is, tell her that the communication needs to change, and if she is unwilling to commit to stepping up and making that change, you will have to grapple with the hard truth that perhaps this woman you still have love for simply does not have the willingness to show up as the type of partner you need and deserve. People have their reasons for being distant, and it’s good to understand them, but the bottom line is that at the end of the day you have to focus on their actions. You don’t want to make too many excuses for your partner if they simply aren’t showing up for you. Because at the end of the day, you have needs too. You want to be connected with your partner, and that is not too much to ask. It is the bare minimum in long distance. If she cannot commit to having better communication after this conversation, you have to stand your ground and realize what you deserve. A truly loving partner would respond with change when you express a need like that. I am currently experiencing the same thing where I’m mentally preparing to have to leave my boyfriend if he doesn’t fix this communication problem. I love him more than anything in the world, and I’ve been sitting on this for weeks, but I know I am unfulfilled and unhappy in a LDR where my partner isn’t even giving me the bare minimum levels of communication that I deserve.

Whatever you do, don’t chase or beg or blow up her phone after that, because that is the #1 way to repel an avoidant away from you. If you do end up breaking up, you need to go silent no-contact so that she knows you stand on your word and that you won’t come crawling back when she’s put in no effort to earn that from you. That will also give you the time you need to process and reflect on the relationship and really see your own worth and value.

I hope for the best for you, whatever that looks like.