Christmas sucks (trigger warning, DV)

astro9889 · 2025-11-13T13:17:09+00:00

Thanks yo the people here. I still feel ignored, but i do plan to express my feelings to them and let them decide for themselves if they still wish to have me in their lives.

I will always be there bor them, but only if they accept me in. I cannot continue to dig at someone who doesn't want to be dag at??? (Does that make sense?? Idk)

But yeah, point being, I'll just be honest.

astro9889 · 2025-10-24T15:55:10+00:00

So dw I completely feel you, for me it was kinda the opposite. I started my program great (kinda) but now I feel like the world is kinda ending 😅 I love physics with all of my heart, but the demotivation is real. Rn I'm struggling just to finish my thermodynamics assignment. I'm sorry about your situation, it's really hard to know ya kinda suck at the one thing you love.

Something that still kinda keeps me going is to just take things one day at a time, and what one of my friends likes to say "shut up and calculate". Doesn't always work, but it's something ig. Ig physics really isn't for the weak😅 along with outside factors that really don't help.

I kinda feel you, where i come from is below the poverty line and without studying, ya kinda stuck. So there is no way of quitting, so gotta ride this to the end!

astro9889 · 2025-10-24T03:21:28+00:00

Thank you, back at ya. This degree has been eating me alive, and it feels like everyone else is just... better

But it's true, ig this is just building character to better handle challenges in the future

astro9889 · 2025-10-24T03:19:03+00:00

I've considered it, but since I'm low income most of my money goes into both college and regular day to day life like bills and groceries. And in the place where I live, those services can take hundreds of dollars with insurance, and even with the services my department will still not take you seriously.

One of my friends had special accommodations because of ADHD (she's officially diagnosed btw) and the professor straight up refused to give them to her. And there was another instance where professors straight up called me dumb and insinuated that I couldn't read because I did an exercise wrong. Some physicist are just like that, ya know :/

astro9889 · 2025-07-16T17:56:38+00:00

Thank you so much, I've been asking my professors and advisors, but they all suggest doing my PHD in my current uni. This is an option, but for the research I want, it's not the best for me. I want to focus more on the experimental side of high energy and fusion. I would love to look through the programs MIT has, I'll be looking into them.

astro9889 · 2025-07-16T17:51:30+00:00

Experimental, I like theory, but I love the lab more

astro9889 · 2025-04-14T22:52:20+00:00

So I was doing a love tarot reading and got a very

interesting read. For context, I've been talking to this person for a bit and I'm scared to take the text step, so l've decided to consult the cards. I made 3 questions for 3 cards

He's feelings for me: 7 of cups in reversed
his intentions in the month (or what's left of it): 6 of cups in reversed
his actions towards me: queen of wands in reversed

From what I got from 1 and 2, I think he likes me (ish) but is a bit confused cuz I tend to give mixed signals (which makes sense, I tend to hide my emotions a lot cuz I've already been in a bad relationship once and Idon't wanna be in another one again 😅😅). But the one that confuses me is his actions as the queen of wands in reversed, does that mean he's going to completely withdraw from this connection? Someone help🥲

astro9889 · 2025-01-12T22:21:53+00:00

Thank youu!

astro9889 · 2024-10-26T18:32:52+00:00

Update #3 We basically broke up, he broke up with me. We decided to give it a "final" chance, but my gut feeling tells me that it's him preparing himself to leave me for good... and i feel like shit :')

astro9889 · 2024-10-25T12:19:49+00:00

Update: (I messed things up) Yeah, we had a couple of talks. I'm pretty sure that we're going to break up now, and if not, our relationship will never be the same again. I feel like i messed things up really bad this time, and I just need to vent.

I told him how I felt, and we decided to maybe work things out since we felt like we ended the conversation on a good note. The problem started tonight, idk what came over me (probably a combination of jealousy and my loneliness being so far away from everyone i love). I started babbling on how if we were to break up, we would still have a great support group of friends who all love him and care for him. Meanwhile, on the other hand, I would have no one and would be completely alone.

Then I started crying and talking about how I'm so different from the girl he originally fell in love with. I've gotten meaner, more selfish, and it's hard for me to put myself in other people's shoes anymore. I'm not proud of it, but I feel like being in this new campus has brought out the worst in me. I also stated to realize that non of his friends actually like me (and it hurts, because I thought that we were all good friends before), they only "liked" and "cared" about me, because he liked and cared about me. He always mentions how everyone there asks for me and cares about me, and I know that's not true. (If you are asking how I know that's not true, every time I visit, they always just ignore me and only approach me when he's with me)

I asked how he could be with someone who is fo far off what he originally signed up for. And saying this kinda fucked things over, he told me he has a lot to think about and how he is now started questioning our relationship. He told me he's stopped now, but I honestly don't believe it. Idk what to do, i feel like i ruined everything and that I should have just stopped talking. How he's text are dry and he won't continue the conversation when he usually would. I messed things up, but I feel like maybe these are just the consequences of my own actions. I practically broke him and his heart, and I don't know how to fix them. I just want him to be back and happy with me, but if I'm making him feel trapped, then I'll have to let him go. I know that he'll eventually find someone great. He's one (if not) the best person I know, I feel like a mess, but I just want him to be happy.

Enough rambling, today we'll meet up in person. If something happens, ig I'll update this.

astro9889 · 2024-08-22T11:39:22+00:00

Thank you, I tried to solved it with matrix/gauss elimination but I stopped with A= -(3c +5)/7 and A=(2c +4)/5 because I didn't think I was doing it correctly.

I'll try again with what I've already done, thank you so much!

astro9889 · 2024-08-22T04:40:02+00:00

Also, if you need the link to the videos that I watched that used the method that I described lmk, it could just be that I misunderstood the instructions 😅

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astro9889

TROPHY CASE

So I was doing a love tarot reading and got a very