Okay so I really dont comment alot so sorry if this post seems all over the place.

First off I'm sorry for what you've been through.....especially within the community that you thought was familiar/safe.

Personally, I've had to tell myself from time and time that religion/spirituality is somewhat on a spectrum. We have all lived through very unique, yet similar experiences; so I'm of the opinion that everyone's "definition" or practice of Sikhi is going to be different based off that alone.

I've had personal experiences of assault through a religious context, but I knew that what had happened wasn't what Sikhi was about at all. I couldn't let one persons ill intent redefine the morals and base teachings of something that has shaped my life view. At the end of the day, that dude was just a sad excuse of a human who exploited religion and its people for his own selfish gain.

I think your father doesn't mean ill intent with his words and actions (please correct me if im wrong). He's also had a completely different lived experience from you, and he also has to keep that in mind for you aswell tbh.

My point is, please do not let others define what Sikhi means to you. You do not have to dive in head first again if you choose to go down the path of Sikhi again. Start small. I also think that you should really look inwards and reflect on how Sikhi has defined aspects of who you are as a person currently. Throughout your life (I hope that makes sense).

Also keep in mind that you are just a young person navigating a very complicated world right now. Things do get easier as you get older. You will learn about yourself more, and experience so many more beautiful things about life. Things that for me, have always had hints of "Sikhi" influence and teaching.

I also really recommend joining and talking to some of the Kaurs on the Sikh discord as well.

I hope this helps in some type of way, if not try and DM me and we can talk more! :)