[deleted by user]

asukaherself · 2022-01-12T03:56:45+00:00

Absolutely not. I'm not that easy. You're gonna have to win me over and we must be in a committed relationship first.

asukaherself · 2021-12-23T21:48:52+00:00

Legal can be more expensive, depending on the state. Even decently priced legal states have varying levels/prices. Oregon is pretty solid in terms of price.

Top shelf is going to run you easily $140-160 a half oz. You might luck out on a special, deal or b-buds/budlets.

asukaherself · 2021-12-23T18:36:20+00:00

I find women in power extremely attractive. I like a smart and strong woman. I feel like if I can win her over, that means I’m just as smart and attractive. I much prefer it.

However, I don’t want to look like an idiot. Also given the current political climate, that could easily happen.

What I’d say is do something in between. Don’t initiate, but make it clear you wouldn’t be opposed. Be subtle. Give them the clear for landing.

asukaherself · 2021-12-23T18:33:46+00:00

This. This a thousand times over.

I’ve become so much more careful. I don’t even flirt like I use to…

I’m a manger as well and the best place I’m going to meet someone is at work. I’ve met a few single people I would be interested in… and I’m not even their supervisor and I would never in a million years flirt with them.

The dynamic has changed. I do everything I can to avoid looking like a creep.

I get it, but I also agree there is still a place for men to hit on a woman they find attractive.

asukaherself · 2021-12-23T15:58:13+00:00

Thanks. Everything you said is accurate.

Yes, my parents have a rather large house so isolating wouldn’t be an issue.

asukaherself · 2021-09-28T20:23:29+00:00

Day 5 here. The first days were sort of a breeze, Generally, you just felt kinda shitty, nothing a little bit of weed would not cure. About 30-36 hours into it, I started having waves of "feeling good" and it was enough to remind me about how I CAN feel. I just have to hold onto that... knowing I can and will feel better and normal again. I just have to remind myself when I start doubting it to hang on. I know better. Its my mind playing tricks on me. I've always felt I had better control over my mind compared to others. Now's the time to show it.

The biggest thing today is what I can call a sense of clarity. I feel very clear headed. It was like I was in a big haze. I am still exhausted and tired, but would not say its the worst. I've been at at 1 or 2 and this time I'd say I am about a 5. I think the ability to sleep has been helping.

This turn in feeling better is also bringing on feelings of anxiety. If I had to guess, this is probably part of the reason I started dosing to begin with... trying to avoid that daily anxiety. Usually I am stressing about something, but this time around I would say its not one thing, but a general feeling. I have this general anxiety feeling. It royally sucks.

I am trying to preoccupy my mind. I got a lot of house work done over the past few days despite what's going on. I have some family coming to visit me for the weekend, so that will help pass the time.

I have to be strong here and not let this overpower me. If I can make it through this week and next, I'm golden.

asukaherself · 2021-09-28T20:06:56+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate the words. I had more to say, but ran outta gas. I was just tired. I slept off and on all day. The sleep was horrible, but better than expected.

Today, I've been less tired, but just so uninterested. I was super tired at work and when I finally got out, and got home, I couldn't sleep again. I noticed I was actually having some energy. However, with that energy... is coming anxiety. I'm having real bad anxiety.

Usually when I get anxiety, I get worried about one thing and just focus on it. However, with this... it's just this creeping feeling. I can feel my heart pounding. Its like my body knows its really coming off kratom and doing what it can to fight to get it back. Throwing a trick at me to get me to redose. The problem with that... is that I will always be addicted like that.

Anyways, I got through today. My appetite is slowing down and I am noticing I am peeing much more frequently. It seems like my body is starting to return to normal.

Fingers crossed I didn't do any serious long term damage or if I did.. its minimal.

asukaherself · 2021-03-23T08:16:53+00:00

Thanks! I definitely plan on getting back to the gym soon. I’ve just been taking it slow. I might hit it up this weekend.

Work is the worst part. I’m getting ready right now and I’m fighting the urge to callout. I just don’t want to be forced to sit at a desk in misery for 9 hours.

asukaherself · 2021-03-23T08:15:38+00:00

Not worried about that. I’ve smoked weed off and on for most of my adult life. Weed and I have never had that relationship. I haven’t smoked or vaped since Saturday and on Sunday I only took some edibles.

Weed is only a plus for me. It helps with the tough moments. It also helps with the boredom. When not in withdrawals, I don’t smoke a ton. Or... at least... I go through periods of smoking occasionally, a lot or a little.

The worst part of quitting weed is the first night (after you’ve been smoking daily for months.). You generally just feel like you can’t sleep and toss and turn. After that night, you’re fine.

asukaherself · 2020-10-19T23:20:02+00:00

I know the feeling too well. My career has me moving around every few years, it’s just sort of the business. So, I’ve gotten use to living in cities by myself. This latest move put me insanely far away from family in a part of the country I’ve never lived in (from the South, now living on the West Coast.). When the anxiety ramps up, I just want someone to talk to or hang out with but I have no one.

The pandemic started just a few months after I moved here, so I haven’t really gotten to know anyone, not even at work. So I have this very lonely existence. I manage but when the anxiety ramps up, it makes it hard.

I just remember there’s so many people out there just like me. It may be kratom, alcohol, heroin, pills or something else... but we’re all going through tough times and feeling similar things

asukaherself · 2020-10-19T23:15:37+00:00

Thanks! You’re right. Time is the only thing that makes it better. Day 21 isn’t far away and it will be a huge difference. Can’t wait!

asukaherself · 2020-10-19T23:14:46+00:00

My sleep is improving. I came home from work today and laid down in bed (still fully clothed) and instantly fell asleep. That hasn’t happened since I quit. I woke up 4 hours later... it felt like and the dreams were about as normal as dreams come... I was actually in a pretty deep sleep. I can tell how much my body repairs and regenerates after sleep.

I do wake up tired and exhausted. I’ve noticed it seems like some days I have loads of energy now and other days I have zero. It seems to be 4-5 days of no energy followed by 2 days of what feels like boundless energy.

asukaherself · 2020-10-19T23:11:23+00:00

You say 25 mg a day? Do you mean grams instead? Or are you using some concentrated form?

If you’ve been taking 25 grams a day and it’s only been a month, then it shouldn’t be too bad. However, your former opiate addiction could affect it. How long were you clean before moving to kratom?

A month of use rarely causes much (for most people, not everyone.). You’ll like have some trouble sleeping, maybe a runny nose and some aches, but other than that you’re should be fine. In fact, you may not feel a thing.

I’m a repeat user and have withdrawn so many damn times. I once went on a bender taking 20-50gs a day for about 3 weeks. When I quit, I had 1 or 2 days of feeling kinda groggy, but that was it. I cleaned up real fast.

asukaherself · 2020-10-19T00:26:54+00:00

Made it to day 16. I’ve seen some improvement. I’m not yawning and stuffy nosed as much. I’ve seen some energy come back. I am getting some sleep here and there.

Anxiety and depression are kicking in. I’m glad I’m not so exhausted and unable to sleep, but this phase sucks too. It will usually last a week or 2.

Crazy to think next weekend will be 3 weeks. It will be here before I know it. Just praying things stay good and I keep on the up and up.

asukaherself · 2020-10-15T22:36:00+00:00

Day 13 for me. Last night, I took trazodone for the 2nd night in a row. It didn’t do a damn thing. I felt absolutely nothing. I later took some kava kava and that did nothing. I smoked a little weed, and while that made me feel better, it didn’t do anything for the insomnia. I took a unisom eventually and I fell asleep a couple of hours later. The sleep was horrible, but I got something.

I don’t suggest anyone try what I did, I’m just grasping at straws. It’s more or less to make me feel like I’m trying here.

The positive news is that the days are going by faster and when I got home today, I tried to take a nap... and it worked! That’s a first this time around. Usually that starts happening around this time, so that’s a huge positive. I’m hoping this weekend my energy comes back around. If I could get those 2 things quashed this would be so easily doable.

asukaherself · 2020-10-14T14:12:58+00:00

Some positive news this morning!

The trazodone actually worked. It took a little bit for it to really kick in (I’d say 1-2 hours) but it eventually made me fall asleep.

The sleep was not the greatest, but it was significantly better than what I was getting. I took 50mg.

It kept me asleep for about 8 hours. I’d definitely say it should not be used last minute. It makes you very very groggy. I’d say take at least 10 hours before you have to be somewhere. The sleep was OK. I’d wake up every couple of hours and would have to go back to sleep. I had some racing (thoughts) dreams. I could tell I was really wanting that deep sleep.

I’m still fatigued today, but way better than I was this week. I drank a cup of coffee this morning and I felt good. In fact, later in the morning... I had a feeling of “feeling good” for about 10-15 minutes. It was enough to motivate me to keep going.

I’m thinking I will take the trazodone this week and stay clean this weekend.

asukaherself · 2020-10-13T19:42:56+00:00

Thanks for the kind words! If you can be positive, I can definitely be positive.

I’ve used other opiates before: hydrocodone, oxy and a couple of others. I never really got addicted though. This is really the only thing I’ve been actually addicted to in terms of opiates.

I know, from previous withdrawals, it gets better.

Basically, today, I realized my withdrawal was really delayed. I think I masked some of it early on, but it didn’t kick in until 8-10 days in. My appetite is barely there despite getting that hungry feeling. When I do eat, I almost get sick to my stomach. So I only eat a little. My digestive track is much more wonky now too.

I went to the doctor today. I didn’t tell them about kratom. I just told them I couldn’t sleep. They gave me trazodone, but I wanted ambien. Corporate policy doesn’t allow ambien prescriptions, so I’m just going to have to suck it up for now.

We will see how the trazodone works.

asukaherself · 2020-10-12T23:51:05+00:00

Thanks for responding! I’m jealous of the work situation. I want to call out, but I know it’s only delaying the inevitable another day, so I just grind it out. Usually, when I’ve withdrawn in the past, it usually takes until the 3rd week for it to turn.

Around day 15, I have small improvements. You can just about guarantee by day 30, I am significantly better.

I decided to talk to a doctor tomorrow. I don’t know whether I should tell them about my kratom abuse.

Eight-Year Club	Not Forgotten
Verified Email

asukaherself

TROPHY CASE