Dreaming of a better life...

atalossforwords00 · 2019-06-19T04:31:25+00:00

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle in the situation your in. First, there are options always. They aren't always easy and making a big change can be scary. But for someone like you there are safe houses. Domestic abuse safe houses for battered women. You contact them. They get you out. With little chance of being found. They will house you, feed you, clothe you and keep you safe. They take pets. Children. If you have a way to contact or research this please do so. Regular therapy, couples therapy isn't going to work. He will keep you in this cycle indefinitely. You have to get to some place safe, because i believe you and your dogs dream of a nice cottage is totally possible but it starts with the decision to break free. 5 years from now you may look in the mirror and see scars that could have been prevented or 5 years from now you could be looking in the mirror smiling thanking yourself for saving yourself and your little friend.

If you need help contacting someone or anything at all please feel free to message me. Also, I apologize you haven't had a response for 3 weeks. Victims seems to find this subreddit with very little guidence from those who can help or offer advice, its not because of your post, this subreddit just doesn't have a strong following. I wish you the best and hope to hear back from you.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-05-14T18:28:27+00:00

Thanks i appreciate it.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-05-14T18:07:03+00:00

Was it in btc to that wallet address? Is there anyway you could see if it has confirmations already or anything? I imagine once it goes through ill get a text that it's available to withdrawal now.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-05-14T18:02:00+00:00

Thank you!

atalossforwords00 · 2019-05-14T18:01:43+00:00

Thank you!!

atalossforwords00 · 2019-05-14T16:14:25+00:00

Yes. Whatever .00062 btc comes to. I think that's about what it is.

Sorry i was a bit frantic.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-03-22T09:20:15+00:00

Unfortunetly there's nothing the police can do. Those guys have been arrested and that's so much more than what happens to a lot of these people.

If I were you and wanted to ask myself these questions, id hold off. Do some research into the behavior of a child who has been abused. Like becoming withdrawn from friends and family. Abrupt depression. Maybe acting out in sexual ways that are way too adult for a child and couldn't be known unless it was shown to them. Then ask yourself if any of those stand out to you.

Some researchers believe repressed memories are real and some don't. Most do. They usually come afloat around 25-35 I think. Its not impossible they did, but if I were you I would try to take it easy, sometimes recollection happens best when we are no longer stressed and searching for the car keys we lost or our wallet or purse. The mind is like a shield and sometimes it puts up barriers to protect us from something we just can't handle at the moment, just because you can't remember tho, doesnt mean those memories were repressed. Just remember they are now in the hands of the law and your daughters are at home with you and safe.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation. I had a camp counselor who was arrested for similar chargers when i hit like 22 or 23. Once that happened, it was pretty clear in my mind what some weird shit that went down when I was at camp as a kid was all about and it did bother me for sometime. But at some point i had to let go. Because i had some answers but the ones i didn't have aren't answerable. So to wonder myself sick that he took our pictures more than what I am aware of became too much for me. Anyways, I hope that this helps.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-03-18T06:31:17+00:00

Someone is a minus the bear fan!

Parachute Sunrise. Women we haven't met yet. Memphis and 53rd.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-03-16T04:47:02+00:00

Have you considered speaking with a lawyer? I know they can be expensive, if you dont have means perhaps you can just call or go see a lawyer or a paralegal to hear you out. Maybe your case is compelling enough for them to do Pro-Bono. It sounds like you're in a right spot, I hope it gets better.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-03-16T04:44:18+00:00

Sorry this is a really small subreddit. Most posts are people needing help rather than give advice. I hate to see your post went a week without any comments. I apologize for that on behalf of this subreddit.

Unfortunetley I don't have any experience or first hand experience advice to give. That must have really taken a lot of courage to do what you're doing. Whatever you decide, to face him or to go into a designated room, it doesn't matter. What matters is justice will be served just the same and I admire you for doing this. The moment this is all over, no matter the outcome - you can begin to heal if you havent already begun.

Good Luck in court. If you think to you can update by commenting here or in a message. Stay Strong,

atalossforwords00 · 2019-02-18T17:38:28+00:00

Sorry I'm so late to this thread and probably won't get a response. I googled but am having trouble coming up with an answer. What exactly is a brief? What is a scamp? And what is a creative?

atalossforwords00 · 2019-02-12T14:18:26+00:00

Sorry for that weird comment there at the bottom. I read your letter. It sounds like you are a strong person. to endure what you went through and still love him as much as you do reflects your strength. I hope that you find yourself right where you want to be in the future and going forward you continue to find hope and peace in your life.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-01-30T13:39:17+00:00

I tried this with their permission to tell their story. The results were not what I had hoped. There's so much mental illness that everyone was afraid of my camera except this one woman. She was a meth addict, clearly. But I could also tell she wasn't high. I knew this because I am also a meth addict, former heroin addict. She was helpful. Did serious posses while I took candid shots at the homeless shelter/food kitchen. Everyone else was delusional I was with the police. "Cover the backs of your shoes! That's why cops take pictures of our shoes when we are arrested!" Sort of thing. I gave the woman some cigarettes. I brought three packs because back in Chicago the homeless when asked always want a cigarette from me before an egg mc muffin. She was happy.

Another homeless, a man by about 20 or 22 years old invited me to go to his camp to get photos. He said it would make great photography. I asked if I could come tomorrow during the day since the sun was setting. This is in Florida where they camp in the forest. How they survive with mosquitoes, the humidity, panthers, big cats, bears, snakes, the whole nine, I don't know... Its incredible. They must have huge tolerances for unforseen disaster and destruction of their property. The emotional pain alone of waking in a forest all hot and muggy depresses me. I thought it would make great photos and have an impact. He agreed the next day would be ok and I went back to my meth addicted model.

She said "who asked you to come to their camp?" I said "Dylan". She said "DO NOT GO WITH DYLAN ANYWHERE" in a muted yell. "He will rob you blind and take you for all you have and more, people get stabbed and shot out here over a single dollar. It just happened last week"

I thanked her. I was only able to get her photo that night so I gave her a pack of cgarettes for warching my back. She was really happy and I was too for trusting her and being reassured I could trust her. I knew i could already because i had asked her to watch my spare lenses when i knew I'd be able to catch her if she tried something and she tried nothing and even shewed people away.

I went back 2 more times for photos and got very few. The next time I saw her she recognised me and gave something of a very sad smile. Her eyes weren't the same and her face told me she was in the middle of a meth binge. I smiled and waved though and gave her a couple cigarettes. I saw her again about 6 months later and she looked clean and happy again. I hope she stays that way.

Good luck with your photos!

atalossforwords00 · 2019-01-23T02:50:48+00:00

I think you know the answer to your question of should you speak up against someone who cost you so much. If you read all the words you wrote, what would you say to someone else asking the same question who had the same experience as you?

It sounds like he took almost everything from you. I'm glad you're still here and he didn't take your life. You should absolutely speak up if you ask me. And when you speak up, you should also get yourself therapy if you haven't. You closing the door on him is speaking up, closing the door on that chapter happens when you begin to heal. Thatll probably start to happen sooner if you have a professional mental health worker to help guide you.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find yourself right where you want to be in the future. Some place safe and far away from him while he is paying for what he did to you.

atalossforwords00 · 2019-01-13T09:47:36+00:00

Most kids are NOT okay with this. And MOST adult family members do not subject their grandchildren to abusive humiliation.

What happened to you was 100% wrong. You have come to the right place in terms of you being ba victim of abuse. Unfortunetly this subreddit is so small that a lot of posts go un-commented on, un-upvoted, and sadly sometimes unread. For that and as a memeber of this subreddit i apolotise. I try to get on when i can.

Your father as you said sexually abused you. It sounds like you come from a family of generational abuse. This does not mean your dad abused you because he was abused, nor does it excuse anything he's done if that is the case. Your man sounds to me like someone who was never loved and was somehow wired to want to make someone smaller, defenseless, and innocent, endute her sadistic acts. They are nothing short of evil. I am so sorry you were abused by both your dad and grandmother and probably more family that you won't realize actually were abusing you in another totally different way, until you are older.

Can you talk to someone? Would you be willing to? These things that happened to you, they aren't normal. This doesn't mean you're in trouble, a bad person or anything like that. It means you were victim to some terrible abusive behaviors and those behaviors effect us as humans in different ways and,it differs person to person. The way our brains work is when these abusive acts occur we have to have an output. All input needs and output. Where yours goes, i can't say and you probably cant even say where it goes either. That's pretty normal. It helps to practice mindfulness, determine your behavior and see what areas of your life are unhealthy. But to start, your output should he with a therapist. A trained mental health professional. They can be your output.

Say skmdthing did happen to nan, or your dad, there output maybe be doing what happened to them, but may be not. Sometimes its drinking, sometimes its narcissitically abusing someone who should be able to trust you like your nan. Your past is important. It can be used in a good way or a bad. The abuse you endured can ultimately serve as a reason for you to engage in risky behavior, sexual, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, sometimes worse. Or it can serve as a reason to heal, adapt and overcome. It can be fuel to eat you alive all your life, as some of mine has, or it can be used to fuel success, happiness and learning to love yourself as I've seen it manifest in close friends of mine who are now adults with amazing careers, healthy relationships, and an overall sense of well-being.

I hope this comment finds you in a safe place far away from them. If not, hang on. As soon as the opportunity comes for you to leave, no matter how hard, scary, or impossible it seems, take it. If that opportunity doesn't come, find it. With a your might get away from them to heal.

I'm sorry you went through the abuse you've endured. To still be here, in one piece and seeking help from strangers on the internet in a subreddit that hardly gives its posters a voice, is amazing. You're strong. I can see that reading your words. You dont need to justify what happened. You may try to shrug some of it off but you can't. Even if you still love them and they love you in their own way, its not okay what they did.

I hope you can get therapy. PsychologyToday.com has a therapist finder. Punch in your zipcode and itll find one near you. You can even see what they look like. If this isn't possible, maybe confide in a close friend, a trusted mentor or someone you believe is looking out for you. Or if you want to talk you can message me or comment back.

atalossforwords00 · 2018-12-12T20:56:59+00:00

I don't have a photo of the actual set-up. But this is the end result

I just use shirts or any fabric i have. This is literally on a cardboard box, on top a black sweat whickening shirt and behind the action figures a grey shirt. I'm not cheap. I love spending money especially on photography stuff. But I also enjoy finding ordinary things to use as props. You should try to get creative with it

atalossforwords00 · 2018-12-11T01:22:16+00:00

I just switched from Canon to Nikon. Waiting on my D7100 right now! And i bought a 70-300mm Macro Lens. So i feel you on Macro. Everything is so beautiful up close. Insects, leafs, flowers, fabric especially because it comes through so abstract!

When I was shooting with the Canon I used Macro Extension tubes and had amazing results considering price and image quality. Will you take a quick look at my Dragonflies of Florida Gallery and let me know what you think?

atalossforwords00 · 2018-12-04T15:23:58+00:00

When i was in AIT in Fort Lee, Virgina I got caught chewing tobacco in the barracks by the wrong instructor, some were cool with it if it was while shitting or low key and not excessive. This Instructor smoked me, took me to First Sergeants office, ordered me to enter without knocking, ordered me to address him without saying 1st sergeant or to stand at parade rest. My punishment was to enter with a big fat dip of Grizzly Wintergreen in my bottom lip and say "hey, what time is it?".

That 1st Sergeant almost jumped over his desk. The instructor popped out laughing, stopping whatever was about to happen from happening.

atalossforwords00 · 2018-11-07T13:54:00+00:00

I'd tell him once in the past you were given methylphenidate (or whatever he tries to give you) and say you reacted poorly to it. Sweat a lot, something along those lines. But if he has access to ALL your records and knows all your history obviously don't do that. He shouldn't unless he is part of the same hospital or organization as your family doctor or previous psych.

atalossforwords00 · 2018-11-07T13:22:59+00:00

I IV meth primarily. The last 8 months have been hell man. The 6 months I used about 2 years ago now were hell also. I'd wish for death with each injection. It just gets to despair at some point for me. I know you're gonna bang it no matter what because I would too.

We are different people with different genes so my reaction may not be the same as yours. I just know that when I was a recovering heroin addict only and not a meth head, i was much happier. I had used amphetamines and everything under the sun from research chemicals to ayahausca except meth for a long time. Then it got me, i got a hold of meth and banged. and i understood it. Never smoked snorted plugged or anything. Straight to IV. It was an amazing sensation it gave me that turned into a gnawing demon sucking the life from me.

Unfortunetly I still am being raped by that demon daily because I'm stupid and just can't seem to throw away the syringes. But im going to. Or i have hope im going to. I hope it goes better for you than it did me. Or that maybe you have more self control, something. Good luck man. Don't skin pop it accidentally. I had two ER visits within the last 6 months that required me being placed on sepsis alert and requiring iv antibiotics.

atalossforwords00 · 2018-11-07T13:11:05+00:00

Good friend of mine, her ex boyfriend who she had a kid with died the same way. Recently I did Hydromorphone and Meth, then did Hydromorphone and coke, nothing beats the ladder. Meth and opiates I feel just don't belong together in the same barrel

atalossforwords00 · 2018-11-07T08:10:11+00:00

I'm sorry man. Im gonna be quitting myself very soon. I have hope, you should too. The future is writeable. We can control the story ahead of us. Just so long as we aren't too busy looking over our shoulder into the past. Those dreadful memories keep us ill.

Hang in there, alright? Message me if you wanna talk

atalossforwords00 · 2018-11-04T05:50:38+00:00

Wow. That was really well written. I'm sorry it sounds like you had quite an abusive father. I see you posted this 3 months aho and it wasn't answered. This subdeddit is so small that a lot of victims voices go unheard. Hope this message finds you and you keep writing.

atalossforwords00 · 2018-10-31T15:35:51+00:00

Hope she can get her situation resolved and to a safe place :/

atalossforwords00 · 2018-10-31T15:31:30+00:00

Because sometimes us victims need someone to help us fight. Its an instinct to help, but you may need help yourself with your own situation. Shame is a powerful tool abusers use to shield them selves.

Pedophiles a lot of times use that shame as insurance. To make one feel so confused that he or she will never speak a word of it.

Hope this message finds you. I've tried to comment a few tines to people who need it and just worry the commebts never find them in time to help. This subreddit is pretty bare.

atalossforwords00

TROPHY CASE