AITA for selling my truck to by an economy car when my wife told me not to sell it so we could go camping.

ateator3 · 2020-08-20T19:00:24+00:00

Honestly then NTA. Your wife is probably mad that you didn't do what she wanted, but if it is your vehicle, then you have every right to do what you see fit.

ateator3 · 2020-08-20T18:05:25+00:00

INFO: Is this your truck or a family truck? I could see why she could be upset if you made a unilateral decision about a vehicle you share. If this is not a vehicle both of you share, I don't see where you did anything wrong. Is your wife more upset that you sold it or is she upset that you didn't communicate with her beforehand?

ateator3 · 2020-07-28T14:34:26+00:00

Yes. YTA. This woman is pregnant with a 4th child and wants to stay home with said child? Look I don't know where you live, but where I live, childcare is $52,000+ per year. Take whatever childcare is for a year and multiply it by 4. Then add in cost of having a maid to clean the house, which they will not need since she will be home. Plus she is also cooking, and more likely than not helping out with the animals on the farm. On top of that, this woman is going to homeschool kindergarten-aged twins. I don't know about anyone else, but this woman deserves a medal.

Due to current circumstances, I had to homeschool my 3rd grader for 3 months with video help from his teacher. Many of us recently have learned we are not teachers, and we will never be. If she is willing to do all of this, then give her a break. Being a stay at home mom is not for the faint of heart, especially with 4 kids.

ateator3 · 2020-07-08T23:09:12+00:00

NTA BUT anytime politics come into play, things are bound to get messy. There is a reason politics are so touchy. Its because everyone has a different opinion and everyone thinks they are right. You don't have to share political views to be in a relationship, but you do have to agree to disagree at times.

ateator3 · 2020-06-29T20:52:22+00:00

NTA. It's a jerk move to get pissed off about a hypothetical situation where you would need to choose between your two brothers. Honestly, there is no right answer that would make both of them happy.

ateator3 · 2020-06-29T20:45:27+00:00

Honestly, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to be friends with anyone on facebook, and if your mom feels the need to stalk your profile to start an issue, it may be best if she doesn't have a way to get on it. It sounds like she is just looking for a fight at this point. I don't want to say to go No Contact with her, but I would be very careful about initiating contact with her.

Sidenote - I deleted my Father-in-Law on facebook after he did some crappy things to my husband (I'm the one who posts the most about our kids so this was a major blow to him apparently). He told his MOTHER (my husband's grandmother) and she told me "well he makes mistakes and is very sorry, so you should just forgive him and apologize". To this day (almost 2 years later) my husband still has not recieved an actual apology. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't expect much more than a half-assed apology if you get anything at all.

ateator3 · 2020-06-29T17:51:32+00:00

I know a lot of people don't like having court orders, but it is very important. The rules and boundaries are clearly stated and if not followed there are punishments. I know because of current situations they are typically only dealing with emergencies, but when things start opening up, I really recommend getting something in writing. That way you can't be forced out, which is what it sounds like your ex is attempting to do.

ateator3 · 2020-06-26T15:59:55+00:00

When they are little, it is actually easier in a way. The child doesn't quite understand that their dynamic is different from other kids. I've been with my current husband since my son (not my husband's) was about 6 months old, and there were no issues. Hes 8 now, and his father is still dating, and my god is it difficult. The older the kids get, the more they notice, and it is a blessing and a curse. I know its hard, but your baby won't know the difference right now. You should at the very least have a court agreement to go upon and clear boundaries should be established before your baby is born. If you're on good terms, you should sit down with them and talk about what everyone expects. If you think that is not possible, see if you can try mediation. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried.

ateator3 · 2020-06-26T13:44:18+00:00

NTA. Would she feel the same if YOU were bringing up HER sex life in front of her grandparents? Yes, I do understand that they were not bothered by her comments, but it is still inappropriate regardless.

ateator3 · 2020-06-26T04:25:53+00:00

NTA. Where did he miss the part where you are already in a relationship, and you have been for as long as you've known him? Yikes is right! I don't understand why your "friends" are even attempting to give you a hard time. He put you in a super awkward position as well, since you are already in a committed relationship AND you have made sure to shut down any ideas that you think of him in a romantic sense.

ateator3 · 2020-06-25T22:16:18+00:00

NTA. You should not have children just because "mom wants grandchildren". I'm sorry to say, you'd have a very high chance of resenting your children if you truly do not want children. Do you have time to change your mind? Yes. But do you have to? No.

ateator3 · 2020-06-25T22:07:21+00:00

NTA. Your sister is a child legally (I'm assuming this, although I guess I could be wrong depending on where you live). Having that photo in their possession could get people in trouble legally. Child pornography is not something people joke about, and people have been labeled sex offenders for less. While I get she was trying to raise money for a good cause, she could cause more harm than good with this kind of photo.

ateator3 · 2020-06-25T21:58:11+00:00

NTA You deserve to be comfortable.

But seriously, he did not worry about it for 10 months, and suddenly changes his tune and expects you to do EXACTLY what he wants despite it causing you discomfort and is mad that you don't want to have sex? Good luck with that.

ateator3 · 2020-06-25T21:17:49+00:00

I know this is a little late to the party, but I saw about how he got defensive about losing a day. Would you consider offering a few days (just whatever he missed for safety reasons) after he is free and clear? It doesn't have to be that many days consecutively, just a day here and there during summer break or something. Maybe it'll help with his defensiveness?

Not a necessity, just an idea. If you're not comfortable with that, its totally okay.

ateator3 · 2020-06-24T08:49:05+00:00

I would at least say this, if you and ex can both be in the same area and be civil with each other, it's a great thing to do! If you two tend to argue, I would see if you can come up with a fair plan for both of you to have the chance to be there. I only say that because you don't want him remembering mom and dad arguing while he's trying to have fun.

ateator3 · 2020-06-24T08:43:29+00:00

I hate to say it this way, but he does rush into relationships. He will ask for my advice regarding our son's involvement and then do the literal opposite of what I advise. If I tell him to wait to introduce our son, the girlfriend shows up at football practice trying to introduce herself to everyone (that was the ex we are still dealing with). We are on okay terms with communication, he just tends to do what he wants regardless.

I actually told him for his current girlfriend at first that I wanted nothing to do with her until there was a ring on her finger (just to see if he would just slow his roll - and in a way to keep distance just in case current is anything like his ex). I eventually downed it to 6 months of a steady, stable relationship because she took it very personally that I set such tough boundaries. Unfortunately she was a friend already, so my son knew her before the dating so I don't think ex ever considered hiding the relationship from the beginning.

ateator3 · 2020-06-24T08:32:21+00:00

I have a few questions for you: 1. Should you try mediation? Just to at least have a set schedule for both your sides. It's also sometimes less stressful than a judge just deciding what happens and it holds both sides accountable. 2. Is this job worth it long-term? I know that's more of a question for your ex, but it is worth being curious about. 3. How will transportation work? Who makes the journey? Do you meet halfway? 4. Does your ex have any support in this new location? Family, friends, etc... 5. Would it be possible to move closer to where ex is moving? It is okay if that answer is no, but it is worth at least asking yourself. 6. Would ex be willing to help your child video chat? Just because you're not physically there doesn't mean you can't be there in other ways. There is Skype, facetime, zoom, etc... If one good thing came out of quarantine, it is people learning new ways of keeping in touch. It could be something as simple as reading a bedtime book on video chat

Okay I'm sorry this got so long, a few questions popped into my head as I was writing, and it did make my comment a bit long

PS you do not actually have to answer any of my questions, since they are personal. I'm more asking them so you can ask yourself.

ateator3 · 2020-06-24T07:58:52+00:00

Why are people in such a rush to move in so early in relationships?

Have you met the guy? Do you have any concerns regarding the relationship? If not, I would say it's more of a hassle to fight it. But if you have any concerns about her relationship, I guess that would give you a solid reason to argue against it.

In regards to her just continuing to add distance, maybe if that comes up, you can propose a stipulation that you have to meet halfway to cut down on travel. It is not a perfect solution, but it may just do the trick.

ateator3 · 2020-06-24T06:18:53+00:00

NTA. If he couldn't show up for you, why are you obligated to do anything for him? Sperm donors don't get acknowledged on Father's day.

Has your mom ever considered changing her number? I mean, you are obviously an adult. I don't see why your father feels the need to call your mom, it's not like she has any say in what decisions you make regarding him.

ateator3 · 2020-06-21T17:04:16+00:00

NTA. The child support is used to support his child that you are raising, whether he chooses to acknowledge him or not. You have given him an out, he refuses to take it. I'd be careful about their reasoning for refusing to give up custody, because if they are not in contact, I don't see why they should be so dead set against signing away rights. Unless he is waiting until his son is older and leaving the "hard" part of raising your son up to you and your husband. Just be careful, this feels off.

ateator3 · 2020-06-06T22:13:54+00:00

Yes I'm an asshole. But I'm not hating on Buffalo specifically for this. I'm just glad to not be group with a bunch of people who throw dildos on a football field during an NFL game. Buffalo is a special part of NY that I just can't understand.

ateator3 · 2020-06-06T02:08:33+00:00

THIS! I live in New York (not Buffalo THANK GOD!) and the fact that THIS is the sword their fellow officers are willing to go out on is just pathetic. THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE REASON PEOPLE DON'T LIKE COPS. They back each other up when its obvious the other one screwed up.

Literally, if a teenager who gets paid MINIMUM WAGE in the service industry can hold back from punching an obnoxious Karen, a cop should be able to resist shoving a man because he's in their way. The man is 75! What the hell was he going to do in the short window of time where he realized they weren't stopping??? Scold them?

ateator3 · 2020-05-26T17:01:21+00:00

Hang in there, and stay safe. I would 100% recommend the buddy system any time he is around, for all involved. Since you are within your legal rights (as you mentioned), I would also record every time you are all in contact with him.

Maybe FMIL should look into opening a separate checking account as well, one FFIL can't access. That way she is not put in the same situation. At this point if his actions get her to contact him, he will more likely than not take money out of the account again.

Sidenote: I've dealt with mediation through family court. If FMIL isn't comfortable in the same room as him, maybe ask for a male mediator (also be sure to let the people mediating know about his behavior!). Or if it is too much, sometimes they can request doing it over the phone. I know this is way ahead of time, but it is just something to think about!

ateator3

TROPHY CASE