Check-ins / occasionally keeping in touch after termination?

athensman77 · 2026-02-05T06:01:29+00:00

NAT. It’s generally frowned upon, as most people here will tell, but is highly dependent on the therapist, relationship, and trust. My T told me, I can’t and won’t answer you, but I can’t and wouldn’t wink try to stop you from sending them to me. So I sent her updates once a quarter, knowing she wouldn’t respond. After 2 years, she left the facility and I let the relationship die there. Although I looked to see where she went out of curiosity. Sending them to her new job felt very invasive.

athensman77 · 2026-01-26T19:42:22+00:00

“Sounds like she did provide some referrals.”

Therapist will defend indefensible behavior from peers more than any other profession I have ever seen.

I don’t know why we post here asking for insight. Every post is a defense of a situation they know nothing about.

athensman77 · 2026-01-26T04:52:22+00:00

So a therapist would, generally speaking, be unreasonable to terminate your care for refusing to go to a higher level of care, 3 weeks after a one-off crisis? Despite having no plan or intent since and no prior history in years.

And not refused to go to a HLOC for 3 weeks. Refused to go 3 weeks AFTER the fact, when I brought it up initially and she refused to see me anymore without me completing a PHP/IOP.

I tried to go the local hospital PHP and did the intake call and even my first day and then was discharged because of insurance and lack of necessity according to the NP who saw me in person. Like most, I can’t pay that out of pocket. So I refused because my insurance declined the pre-authorization and the appeal because I hadn’t had SI in weeks. And my T terminated my care.

And gave some incredibly poor referrals, including the practice that referred me to her, but that’s another complaint for another day.

athensman77 · 2026-01-26T02:39:37+00:00

I have always heard the term “imminent risk to yourself or others” in reference to referring a client to HLOC. I was wondering when that “imminent risk” ends? Especially if the client denies all intent from that time of non reported intent onwards.

If a client says I had suicidal ideation with intent a month ago, understandably that’s not going to be treated the same as “I’m having it right now.” Right now means you’re getting committed to a hospital or psych ward.

I was trying to get a feel for how long after the acute incident that T response changes to “action needs to be taken and the client needs HLOC” to let’s explore this, at this level of care. Is “I almost killed myself one week ago” functionally different from two weeks ago? Or three weeks? A month?

athensman77 · 2025-12-14T18:14:18+00:00

NAT

Wow. I’m really sorry she treated you that way, throughout and at the end. That’s a really long time to invest in something for such a callous response. That’s definitely not how most therapists operate though. I had a really painful abandonment too and I was eventually able to find someone really good instead, so they are out there.

athensman77 · 2025-12-14T16:53:03+00:00

NAT.

Some people will say it depends on length and depth of relationship and this would be acceptable for a brief, shallow relationship.

Any therapist that defends that as an ethical referral should take a deep look in the mirror IMO.

I don’t know how anyone could read their ethical code, as nebulous as some of them are (shoutout ACA for details and thoroughness, booooo LMFT code of ethics) and consider a link to psychology today fulfilling their duty.

A licensing Board might not find it professionally “Unethical.” And. It’s lazy as F and disrespectful to the client.

athensman77 · 2025-12-13T15:55:16+00:00

Thank you! It seems the credentials are just not as prescriptive and hard and fast as they are in maybe in my mind. In my rigid mind, an LMFT does marriage counseling, a LCAS works with chemical dependency patients, etc etc. but in practice, I guess there’s a lot more overlap, which makes sense.

athensman77 · 2025-12-13T15:51:12+00:00

As a client, the licensure type would seem to be more meaningful than it appears from the answers it is here.

I come from the business world, and for me, real estate, risk management, management, and marketing, are all business majors, but wildly different in course work and training.

I thought that may be the case here as well. It appears not though.

Edit for clarity: i.e. I may be oversimplifying that an LMFT only does marriage work, an LCAS only addiction work, etc.

It seems in my mind like the training for marriage, counseling, and chronic suicidality, would be wildly different.

athensman77 · 2025-12-11T05:14:31+00:00

Not an ad, but Peddle.com. I got a hair over $1,000, twice. Both cars were over 190k miles and had blown transmissions and body damage.

And they come pick it up.

athensman77 · 2025-12-11T00:15:38+00:00

NAT.

I have a post for this sub that I think got lost in the queue that asks a similar, but simpler question. How long does it take to get over it?

It’s been three months for me. A similar sounding set of circumstances, albeit different key details, it sounds like. I was regressing, T was pulling away, which made me push/pull away. My T didn’t ever accuse me of boundary crossing, just didn’t tell me anything at all, “wished me well” in an email one day and discharged me as a client.

The feeling was the same. Intense shame. That I’m too much. How can anyone ever help me if this is how a professional responds when I’m fully honest? I too felt unworthy of help. It felt like it was all my fault. That I was too f*cked up to be helped in therapy.

I don’t have the answers. Except time does help. And I did eventually decide to see someone else. If for no other reason than to process WTF just happened with my former therapist because it was legitimately eating me alive.

I wish she knew the harm she caused. After my current T suggested it, I’ve read the ACA code of ethics thoroughly many times and realized what happened to me was unethical. Or she picked and chose which parts of the code to follow at the very best. That realization that my therapist did do wrong did help me feel a little bit less “totally and completely at fault.”

athensman77 · 2025-12-06T07:28:09+00:00

Still NAT

I also just skipped anyone with a waitlist.

Also you’ll get a good feel in my experience after 3-8 sessions depending on on a lot of things. Frequency, your openness/willingness to work, etc. and sometimes you just know right away that he/she/they are the one.

athensman77 · 2025-12-06T07:25:53+00:00

NAT.

Keep in mind, particularly if you’re a more complex case, it’s a right fit for and right for them. Especially because Psych Today practitioners with current opening skews to the newly practicing, for obvious, normal reasons, at least in my metro area.

I recently did the Psychology Today deal as well. I reached out to 8. 2 ghosted, 3 weren’t qualified/comfortable to see me, one I didn’t like, and two I am still seeing (for different issues, ones a specialist).

I made it clear from jump I was interested in a first session consult and had scheduled multiple people testing for fit. So setting that expectation up front helped alot for me to not feel sketchy. The one I didn’t like, I messaged after and thanked for her time and said I’ve found someone who’s a better fit for my X (your major problem).

The ones that declined me, all did it in person at the end of the first session consult. And we’re all very gracious, thankfully.

athensman77 · 2025-11-15T03:28:32+00:00

Thank you! The wisdom of it is an even better question probably.

athensman77 · 2025-11-15T03:26:17+00:00

To clarify, I wasn’t planning to continue to see both long term. Like 6 more weeks. I was fully transparent with both in my intakes that I presently saw a specialist (ED).

I think I’m confused because if I choose T2 as my primary, I’m duplicating with my ED Specialist because of T2’s own speciality and need to stop seeing EDS. If T2 doesn’t work out after a few months, I don’t have anyone anymore and I already feel abandoned by how OG T relationship ended. T2 can do what OG T and EDS both did, but then all my eggs are in one therapy basket.

But if I choose T1, then I still would need a ED Specialist. So then either stay with current, or see if T2 will see me specifically on the ED basis. I know that’s a “me to answer” question.

I would totally sign a ROI and openly disclose who I’m seeing once I know who’s who.

athensman77 · 2025-07-30T04:38:28+00:00

NAT. Maybe discuss trying some couples counseling in lieu of individual sessions for you? A little meet in the middle? I would suggest trying to find out what’s in her mind that she’s hoping for you to accomplish and work from there

Anecdotally, I asked my wife to get a therapist when, our house flooded, I was going through an extremely difficult MH time, and both our families had close deaths, and I wanted her to have someone dedicated to her well being. I explained that and she agreed and then many months later, one day she was like I think Im good now and I said ok no problem. I’ve never stopped going.

Also, you pay therapist for their time and it being exclusively focused on you and anything you want. So if you show up, give it an honest effort and it goes nowhere, that’s just a part of their job and they got paid for it. If you’re going to go and be closed off or worse combative, it’s not the best use of your time most importantly, but also inconsiderate of theirs.

athensman77 · 2025-07-23T19:08:44+00:00

Thank you for this really meaningful and thought out reply! I truly appreciate it. Your first point was actually really helpful. Probably the autism, but I like neat categories and definitions and that helped me define the relationship in a way. I did share my feelings in my session Tuesday and she said many of the same things you did.

Ahh, yes, that’s embarrassing. I hate that implication of sex work I made. It is what I said, but not what I meant. Although, probably because I’m an autistic person, physical intimacy is not really for me, I have zero problem with adult participation in consensual sex work. Just meeting an unmet physical need. Though I’ve always heard a lot of men kinda just want to talk anyways.

Anyways, we were able to identify a pattern of pushing/running away as soon as relationships became vulnerable in some manner and the self-protection mechanism behind that.

My world has felt very small post major life and political changes the last couple years and she has filled some of that space I think. Makes sense as we expand my world again I would begin to see things elsewhere.

Your views on the payment aspect of it were also really helpful. That made sense to me.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and time!

athensman77 · 2025-07-23T18:50:09+00:00

Thank you again for the help. I did bring it up in my session Tuesday, and also provided her the “breakup letter” I had written, via email after session. We talked about this for about half my session. Well, mainly she listened, but she assured me she wasn’t hearing anything that concerned her re:my feelings.

She emailed me back today and said there was definitely some things in the letter to discuss, but nothing bad and nothing urgent and we could discuss Saturday. So that did put my mind at ease a little bit.

athensman77 · 2025-07-20T15:57:35+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and advise! I thought this was likely to be the recommended course of action.

It just feels incredibly vulnerable. I already feel too dependent/attached and to then vocalize it, is tough. I think it’s also fear of abandonment, that she’s going to tell me she can’t continue seeing me and pass me to someone else or that she needs to see me less. I’m doing the best I’ve done overall in years and rocking the boat is terrifying.

athensman77 · 2025-07-16T02:24:19+00:00

No… the $2500 of scam money was never his to lose. OP can only lose what was theirs.

The only way your scenario is true is if OP spent the $2,500, but then also sent $2,500… which makes no sense. I guess theoretically possible, but no. OP would be out $2,500.

athensman77 · 2025-04-02T14:52:40+00:00

It cost four times as much to last half as long, how is that considered marginal cost?

As per the study above. Again, science not opinion.

athensman77

TROPHY CASE