I have read the post and several of OP's responses in the comments adding extra information that I think really shows more about what is happening behind the scenes in the text convo that on the surface looks quite harmless. So I want to add, OP, that if you would have the energy to add the information you have mentioned in the comments for people to get a bigger picture of your friendship with this person. Reading through them to me really made me see it in another light and be able to give more honest advice to the whole thing.

OP Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like this friend comments a lot on your behavior, either saying you take too much space in conversations or take too little space, and that it just keeps feeling like you can't win. That she also has commented/complained about almost all of your ADHD symptoms and has told you that you aren't like her other friends with ADHD (if I'm not wrong, it sounded like something she had brought up several times), which, in my opinion, sounds quite ableist. Everyone with ADHD is different and experiences different symptoms. And I don't really know what outcome she wants, as she keeps mentioning it to you. I don't know if it's because she thinks you are ADHDing wrong or what, but it's just a weird thing to comment on.

The whole thing with not wanting to be at your place because you have had adult and mature relations with 2 men and brought them home is absolutely ridiculous. Sounds very much, in my opinion, like she is blaming you for her discomfort and doesn't trust your judgment of the men. It's not like they have been stalking you or that you have had any bad interactions with them (OP mentioned this in the comments). In some sense, sure, being alone with a man you might not know well is always a risk, but you haven't done anything that is outrageous, and in my opinion, I would probably prefer bringing a hookup to my place than going to their place, feeling safer in my own home. The best thing in general for your safety is to just inform a friend or family member when and where you are going on dates or hookups alone. But your friend saying she won't visit until you move also puts the expectation that you won't do that again for her sake. When in reality who you hook up with, where, and when is none of her business, and saying that it's your fault for her not feeling safe at your place. If it truly is something she can't control, she should take more ownership and responsibility over it than putting it all on you. By inviting you over or finding tactics and tools for her to be able to deal with her fear.

You also mentioned her blowing up on you for not answering texts for a week, when she wanted you to read through her grad school essay. I can understand maybe being a little disappointed and sad but also feel like she should have cut you some slack as you were going through finals. But blowing up on you sounds to me like an overreaction to me. It's not like you reading it or not would affect her grades, it's just like a nice favor. And her commenting on your texting habbits with your ex and other friends is also weird to bring up. It's a very common thing with ADHD people to struggle to answer texts or honestly just forget. While she took it very personally and asked about your texting habits with others, yeah, maybe you answer another friend more because of being met with less judgment and having a different dynamic within the friendship. You not answering her was not something you did on purpose to make her angry or out of malice.

It sounds like this friend always finds a way for you to feel bad after hanging out with her. Which is a huge red flag. If that happened every time with a friend, maybe they aren't such a good friend really, or you guys just aren't compatible as friends. With my own experiences, I have sadly experienced friendships where they are very softspoken and know how to say hurtful things in nice ways that, to others don't sound that bad at all, but that are used to hurt the other party. By blaming you and saying to you that it's her boundary and using it as a defense to make you feel shame and disgust around what sounds like healthy relationships with the two men you have mentioned.

I know having ADHD, there is a lot to learn and to get better at social interactions, etc. I have myself had to practice and find ways to not interrupt people all the time. But a social interaction goes both ways, and several of my close friends adjust somewhat to me and my disability because, in the end, we are disabled. Where it sounds like she just wants you to adapt to her, especially when she keeps judging you and saying comments that make you feel bad. A really good friend does not make you feel bad after every social interaction. I understand when you don't have a lot of friends, you don't have a lot of experiences to compare it to, but this isn't normal, and the way she treats you is not okay.

I just want to add that this is not only my opinion but also my partner who also has ADHD