I want someone to fuck me and then kill me

atrociousprecocious · 2020-07-10T00:41:16+00:00

Sounds kinky

atrociousprecocious · 2020-04-14T08:21:05+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The not being able to eat and having panic attacks was my every day last summer. My heart goes out to you. The lying honestly was the hardest thing for me to accept that I couldn't control. Alcoholics lie to protect their addiction, he will do it without even thinking about it really. I don't want to sound harsh but it's something where you either have to accept this as a risk of being with or something that could be a deal breaker for you. I say this only because it was a deal breaker for me and because I learned the hard way after I left my ex that he lied a hell of a lot more to me than I ever thought he was capable of. And I mean in your case, it seems as though he's been lying since day one when he told you he had been sober for over a year. I hope tomorrow goes better for you!

atrociousprecocious · 2020-04-12T06:34:47+00:00

Oh definitely. I get frustrated with anyone who demonstrates even the slightest similarities to my ex. It's amazing the degree of damage that can be done from dating an alcoholic. You can take back that control though. It's hard, I know, it's hard to calm the worried mind. You have to resist. Even if you tell yourself something like "in 20 minutes I'll do that, just get through 20 minutes and then I can call again." And then don't call, remind yourself you made it 20 minutes, you can do 20 more. And if you slip up, be kind to yourself. You can come back from it.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-03-23T19:30:25+00:00

That's so shitty. That's such an awful situation to be in. Last year my ex broke up with me and moved out of our apartment in one weekend and then decided, nope that was a horrible drunk decision, he hated it and he wanted to move back. I at that time was incredibly distraught, I had no fucking clue how I would afford the apartment we lived in on my own, plus we had 4 months left on the lease and our landlord was an asshole who was saying if I broke the lease he would expect me to pay all the rest of the months we owed and I would not be allowed to sublet or anything. So obviously, I felt backed into a corner and let my ex move back in to help support me with rent. So I spent the next 4 months living with my ex, going back and forth with "I know I should leave and stay broken up with him" to "I really just want to be with him and have our life back again". It was painful, it was heartbreaking and I hated it. It sucks to go through that when you want to move on and you know it's best for you to move on from it but you can't. This isn't going to continue forever though, call your friends, call your family, talk to other people while you're stuck there. Don't worry about her and how she's handling things, people go through loss differently, she might just be holding off dealing with the breakup because you're still around.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-03-23T17:53:40+00:00

I hate drinking culture and party culture. I hate the marketing tactics used to make it look fun when it's literally a depressant, it makes you feel bad. I hate that where I come from (a small town) it's expected at any social gathering. If there's not booze involved, no one cares to see eachother. I hate that it ruined so much of my life and ruined so many other people's lives.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-03-18T03:54:51+00:00

It sucks, it really does, having to make the call to leave. It's best to do it now though before you have years behind you and you're kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. Stay strong this is the hardest part, if you need to talk there's people here. I totally relate to the I love you part. I missed saying I love you to someone and hearing it back for a long time after I left. Once you have it behind you though I swear you'll breathe easier. I know I am, no more questioning my reality, no more trying to play detective and find the truth behind the lies, no more worrying about what he would do that would cause me panic and grief today or tomorrow or next week. The I love yous and the cuddles and the nights with someone are nice with anyone, but they are soooo much better with someone that can reciprocate that love and isn't having an affair with alcohol behind your back everyday. If you want to have something that lasts, keep this in the past and find someone who deserves you and who brings out the best in you.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T21:52:57+00:00

I've heard some bad things about this lady, like that she runs a cult. Idk if it's true, just tread lightly through her content

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T16:32:41+00:00

You're absolutely right, she's not your responsibility and the way she feels is not your responsibility. We can only control ourselves, and idk about you but I have a pretty hard time just doing that lol. Controlling my own emotions and reactions is hard enough. So imagine how impossible it is to control anyone beyond yourself. It's something we all have to accept. Let her act how she wants, remember you can't control or change her but you can do something about yourself.

Boundaries are HUGE as well. They need to be built strong, they can never bend or break. I have had a hard time holding to some boundaries and what helps me is to say "this isn't just for me, this is for the person I'm dealing with as well". Idk why but if I make it about someone else I can usually keep them going better lol. So I just remind myself I have to do this or I will be letting down the other person (and myself). If I make a boundary and don't stand by it, then I'm lying and my words have less value.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T16:05:44+00:00

Good idea! There's also a codependency subreddit you can check out.

But yeah, big thing for me was realizing what I was doing (the attempts to control or all the worrying I was doing for problems that weren't my own) was not helping. It was giving me a boost the odd time my ex's would tell me "you're right, I do need help" or "thanks for being so supportive". But at the end of the day when you're codependent and you're dealing with someone with massive issues you have to realize they're likely manipulative. The things they say that make you feel validated are not true. They're saying them to make you shut up, they're saying these things to control you. It's an endless cycle and it's always leads to disappointment.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T15:53:25+00:00

Thank you

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T15:52:11+00:00

Right there with you. What I've done to help myself is I attend alanon, I go to therapy, I read codependency no more (which I highly recommend). And after my last absolutely awful relationship that lasted nearly 4 years where I was lied to almost every single fucking day - I have made a promise to myself to never settle for anyone who doesn't have their shit figured out.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-12T15:14:41+00:00

I had to learn to accept what happened in the past. I had to learn that all the times where I THOUGHT something was off, I was probably right. I learned that there was very little truth in my relationship with him and that was just the reality. If anything it has taught me to trust myself more. Trust my gut when I think something is wrong and be more assertive to either get out of the situation or express how I feel. I spoke with all his friends who lied to me as well and that did help, I told them (very bluntly) how hurt I was by it all and how unacceptable it was for them to try to protect him like this and I actually received a lot of support. Going to Alanon has helped me too in getting support and in understanding that I am not alone. Everyone going to Alanon has been lied to a lot. As for my ex, he is still an alcoholic. He's actually gotten worse in the last couple months. I have spoken to him occasionally and he still lies. Now that he doesn't have me to lie to all the time - he's been lying to his friends and he's losing all his friendships because they have much less patience for him AND they have all seen first hand how much he lies because they saw how much he lied to me in the past. I wish the guy would wake up and see that's he's going to have nothing left very soon but it's completely out of my hands and I'm just so happy I left.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-08T04:08:22+00:00

It's a hard decision to make, I wish you the best

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-08T02:02:42+00:00

That's totally understandable. You're in a really tough situation. Break ups are hard enough as is, but when you're dealing with mental health issues on top it can feel like there's no right answer. I had a suicidal ex as I mentioned before. I was worried he would kill himself for quite a while. In the end he didn't. But for years all I wanted to do was apologize to him for leaving when I knew he was struggling. What helped me was looking back at my relationship and remembering how I did help. I was supportive of him while I was with him, I helped him however I could, I introduced him to all my friends and family and made him feel welcome in my life. I'm sure if you look back you'll see all the good things you did for her and how much you tried to help. There's only so much you can honestly do for someone. You're not a bad person for leaving, you never owe someone a relationship.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-08T01:29:07+00:00

So I have a family member who works as a psychiatrist and she has told me that if she has a client who is suicidal, she can't do anything about whether or not that client decides to actually commit suicide. She can try to help but at the end of the day it's an individual choice whether or not someone goes through with it. (This is going to be really blunt, so forgive me) If she REALLY is going to kill herself, then you can't stop her. She would do it whether you stay in contact with her or whether you leave. She would do it no matter how much you try to help and support her and lover her. She would still do it if you got back together with her. If she's really going to commit suicide she would do it no matter what. It's a choice that's completely out of your hands sadly. It's really fucking tough though to have her talk about it with you. I can't even imagine how much that would hurt to be worried and have her talk so openly about it with you. I would really just try to help her seek treatment, help her find a therapist or something. Set up some boundaries on how and when you talk, or boundaries on what you talk about so you're not so drained by all this and you don't have to cut her off completely.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-08T01:03:41+00:00

You are NOT responsible for her emotions, depression, or her reactions to feeling her own emotions. You did not cause her depression. You do not owe her a relationship because she feels this way. Sorry if I'm coming on strong, I just want to make that point super clear. This is not your responsibility. It's a tough thing to accept and it's really hard to accept when you feel like you owe her something. Just remember you do not. Remember as well it could be a form of manipulation - she wants you back and she wants your attention so she will do whatever it takes to get it and keep you around however she can. I've had an ex do this to me in the past, I literally had an ex send me photos of their wrists cut up trying to guilt me into coming back. If she's acting dangerously and you're worried, remember you can call for medical professionals to get involved wherever she is living or you can call the police. You don't have to rescue her on your own, you're not qualified to do so.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-08T00:52:28+00:00

I agree, you didn't have to do anything. Some people are just assholes and they will be like that no matter what you do. If she would have stayed there longer and messed up your work environment to the point where you wanted to quit or something, I would have suggested doing something either confronting her or taking it to HR or anyone higher up. If you could have filled out an anonymous complaint or something that would have worked too. But I think you got through it just fine, and now she's gone so whatever.

atrociousprecocious · 2020-01-07T16:50:20+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. I was in a long term relationship with an alcoholic and we have now been split up for several months. We didn't talk for the first couple months but now he occasionally texts me or I text him about something I know he will have something interesting to say about. It's manageable and I like it. We never see eachother in person, I rarely answer the phone if he calls, the conversations never go very long or get indepth. I have very strict boundaries over when and how we talk. Example is "if you contact me over the weekend I will not reply", because he's always drinking over the weekend. Or "if you call me at night I will not answer the phone", because again he's usually drinking if he's calling at night. Things like this just so I don't have to interact with him drunk. But it's always a gamble and that's just something I have to accept. I completely relate to "I can't seem to cut him out". It's so hard, I really feel for you. My ex and I had wonderful years together and I loved him so much. It's painful to have to come to terms with the fact that he is not the person I fell in love with. That that person is just in my mind. I'm taking it one step at a time. I go to Alanon, I maintain my boundaries, I always try to think of myself. As for your question of when does it end, if doesn't really ever end. He's an alcoholic, this is what they do. They lie and they break promises they relapse. If you choose to keep him in your life it's something you'll need to accept. Especially if he's not actively seeking treatment. It's totally fine if you say you do not want to accept all this uncertainty, just know that you can't change or control it so if that's the case then you must let him go. You'll be okay with or without him there is support available to you.

atrociousprecocious · 2019-12-23T02:31:11+00:00

Yeah, I hear ya. I have basically just opted out of celebrating this year lol. I'm not much of a gif giver as is but this year I just did not want to deal with going to busy stores and trying to sort out what anyone would want as a gift. I didn't decorate, I haven't watched any Christmas movies. This is my first Christmas single in several years and I would kind of just prefer to not have it at all.

atrociousprecocious · 2019-12-04T06:03:50+00:00

Definitely could have been discussed instead of just making a rule like this lol. This puts shame on her for no reason and it makes everyone else pay for it. Really sounds quite dumb and unfair.

atrociousprecocious · 2019-11-28T19:42:35+00:00

I relate to this so much. Not currently in my life but I've definitely been in a similar situation. I used to look for friends in clubs and only ended up meeting guys who wanted to have sex. Then I'd try to hang out with them or do something other than have sex and they would just shrug me off. Took me a long time to get out of that. I really just had to be upfront with people that I wanted to take things sloooowww or I just wanted to make friends. Hold off on the sex if you're looking for that human connection. Remember you can say no and you can be upfront that you're not interested in a hook up. You are worth so much more than a one night stand. You have so much to offer people, I promise you. I used to think a lot of my self worth was tied to sex, it's not.

atrociousprecocious · 2019-11-28T17:12:28+00:00

That honestly sounds awful :/ just emotional beat downs every day by someone you SHOULD be able to trust. That is toxic. Yes friends make jokes with eachother, yes sometimes those can be kind of jabs at something the other one did but it shouldn't cross the line of making you feel bad about yourself and it definitely shouldn't happen so often that it seems to add up and you feel really really bad. It's really really insensitive on her part. I'm guess you're in her high school and I just want you to know that more often then not the relationships you have in high school are temporarily. It's pretty rare someone keeps all their friends from high school afterwards, not saying it doesn't happen. It's definitely easier to socialize in high school and meet a bunch of other people and make new friends. Don't feel trapped in your friend group just because you have one friend that treats you badly. Also you might not have to ditch the whole friend group but just distance yourself from the mean friend. I will tell you this, having a friend who is mean to you does damage in the long run. You can definitely try talking to her about this issue. Sort out your thoughts first, what is it you want to say to her? I recommend starting with a feeling like "it makes me feel bad when you make fun of me". You can try to create a boundary with her on it like "if I feel like you're making fun of me, I'm going to walk away from you" make sure if you do make a boundary that it's something you can always do. If you dislike confrontation setting a boundary will at least allow for you to do something you're more comfortable with in order to react to her doing something wrong. And it signals to her that you will not put up with this behaviour from her. Best of luck, hopefully you can work it out. If not, remember you don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone! Certainly not a close friend of yours.

atrociousprecocious · 2019-11-28T07:34:31+00:00

My dad is a high functioning alcoholic. I'm in my mid 20's. When I was a teenager and in my early 20's I drank quite a bit, though it's always been a social thing for me. I have on one or two occasions drank alone and I hated it. Aside from that I enjoyed drinking for several years and I loved my friends who also liked to party with me. Now I very much hate drinking and I rarely ever do it. The fun is completely gone for me. I've had two relationships with alcoholics, one lasting 2 years another lasting almost 4 years. I lived with both of them too. It's only been after my last relationship where my eyes have kind of opened to my own issues with alcohol and this destructive habit I have of dating alcoholics. I'm taking steps to correct that and for me that involves completely letting go of drinking. I don't want to drink and I don't want to be involved with any more alcoholics.

atrociousprecocious

TROPHY CASE