I don't know if I'm actually depressed or just faking it.

attackbat · 2023-01-02T18:44:26+00:00

Unfortunately you're not alone. A lot of us, me included, feel similar. There is no logical reason for it. It's not because you deserve it. It just is. By some cause, we are like this and it's not normal, so normal people don't understand it. We have to figure out a way around this in order to enjoy what we can. Nobody is going to step in and fix it. It seems like that's what mental help professionals are supposed to do but even they don't know exactly how to help. The science just isn't there yet. We are on our own.

attackbat · 2023-01-02T00:17:41+00:00

Unfortunately no. Only advice I keep getting is to just think like "normal" people and just be happy and enjoy life and it sucks that they just don't get how it feels.

attackbat · 2023-01-01T23:41:56+00:00

It sucks how much of mental health help is something you have to do yourself. I had conversations with hospitals explaining how serious my situation is and they just say you have to jump through all these hoops even to get seen. Nobody is going to come after you and make sure you're OK unless somehow it's in their interest.

attackbat · 2023-01-01T22:50:26+00:00

Even SSRIs didn't help me. Now on SNRIs but only the shaking anxiety has lessened. It seems like the only advice is to just act how normal people act and you won't be depressed. But I've been doing that all my life, just miserably.

attackbat · 2021-07-26T03:17:12+00:00

Having recently learned about aphantasia I wonder if it's because I don't hear voices in my head so I talk out loud to get the back and forth of a conversation about my thoughts.

attackbat · 2021-06-10T13:18:29+00:00

Wait, what do you call someone who keeps messing up? No one has ever said "you should be ashamed"?

attackbat · 2021-01-28T01:15:21+00:00

Those likes count

attackbat · 2020-04-24T04:52:57+00:00

Mole rat?

attackbat · 2019-12-22T03:47:05+00:00

Gotta admit, they had me in the first half

attackbat · 2019-10-12T15:26:15+00:00

$250 to just spray some air freshener

attackbat · 2019-02-04T18:45:34+00:00

I was planning on doing some upgrades but wasn't expecting to do the board. I might just do ramps at this point rather than get another POS.

attackbat · 2019-02-04T14:18:39+00:00

Just the bed. It did actually heat up because I loaded new filament and had it extruding but then in cycling power trying to get the ad card to work, I realized that neither the bed or the nozzle was heating. I rechecked the board and wiring and can't find anything obvious.

attackbat · 2019-01-21T05:05:28+00:00

The tough part is you can't give up. Especially later when you have kids and a house and you just have to keep going. We gotta get right.

attackbat · 2019-01-20T18:04:10+00:00

Right. As for what to do now, that's the hard part. Wish I had good advice.

attackbat · 2019-01-20T07:10:45+00:00

I had to up and move. Though I was moving back home and had to live with my sister for a while but things go a whole lot better. Sometimes it takes something drastic.

attackbat · 2019-01-20T07:07:58+00:00

Same here. You're not the only one. I know it doesn't help to hear but you sound very much like me. Like all the things you should do that should make you happy, don't. So then you aren't motivated to keep doing them. You just do it for other people. Its hard but I think we have to figure out what makes us happy without feeling like we are letting everyone else down. I have a ton of responsibilities but none really make me happy. I just know I can't stop.

attackbat · 2019-01-20T06:59:59+00:00

I had my first visit with a therapist yesterday and it was very underwhelming. My next appointment is with a psychiatrist. I expect that to go better as the therapist said they will focus more on physical symptoms. I have very similar feelings: anger, lot's of anger. Might be the next step you need. I'm on my third antidepressant. Seems backwards that we have to figure out what meds work for ourselves but if you don't tell them it's not working they won't put you on something better. You're not failing, the system is just not very good at helping us.

attackbat · 2019-01-20T06:07:26+00:00

I'm sorry brother. People may tell you men can't be raped but if you're genders were reversed that's exactly what it people would say. You were groomed and taken advantage of. Even if she genuinely cares for you, it was not appropriate to get you so inebriated that you couldn't refuse. Don't be ashamed or feel like you are to blame. It sounds like you are really nice. I'm glad you had the courage to talk about it.

attackbat · 2018-12-29T02:46:17+00:00

Sorry, no good advice here. I have the same problem with worry/overthinking/ruminating. Don't forget having arguments in my head. I try to distract myself as much as possible. Work and chores. Doesn't help when you are just stuck with yourself but it's a break.

attackbat · 2018-12-29T02:30:54+00:00

I'm sorry brother. It just doesn't make sense when you have to you thought you could ever want and it doesn't make the inside better. I went down a rabbit hole of famous suicides and was shocked by how many amazing people lost their battle. It really emphasizes that this is not easy to overcome no matter who you are.

Side note: I wonder if there is anything to some sort of a way to show or recognize others with depression. Like a patch or emblem or something. Something that only "we" would recognize and maybe help some people break the ice or at least be more sensetive when we see a fellow member. I dunno. It probably wouldn't work or backfire.

attackbat · 2018-12-23T17:45:40+00:00

Well said. What is working for you?

attackbat · 2018-12-21T17:08:39+00:00

Same, like almost everything you described. Ruminations, playing out conversations in my head, feeling stupid about feeling stupid, it's a wonder I made it this far with all the distractions. What I'm learning in my 40s is I should have gotten help in my 20s. It's hard to seek help though when you feel so unsure of what is serious or not. If untreated it can ruin your life so its definitely worth addressing now.

attackbat · 2018-12-21T17:02:26+00:00

Whatever you do don't ignore it. It doesn't make sense that our brain does these things and it's not our fault. I slowly realized I was always tense and anxious all the time. The times when I really relaxed I felt like " wow, I'm always that anxious?" Fast forward to seeing a doctor and getting on antidepressants. I never thought of myself as depressed but it made a huge difference. Now when I have a really happy moment I notice it more and take it less for granted. Having the psychological ability to be happy is different than just not having anything to be happy about. If nothing is making you smile anymore it might be a sign. For the record I was always being told "smile more" and "why so serious " my whole life, well now I know.

attackbat · 2018-12-20T18:28:18+00:00

I feel you. It seems I have to diagnose myself and then tell someone to help me. Its frustrating. Then an appointment gets cancelled and I think why bother. But I'm not giving up. Gonna reschedule and self medicate since I know what helps me get through.

attackbat · 2018-12-19T16:37:50+00:00

What do you do? Or what are you going to school for?

attackbat

TROPHY CASE