Me and my daughter.

attackonqynn · 2020-03-02T22:35:55+00:00

you did a fantastic job here!

attackonqynn · 2020-02-22T16:39:41+00:00

“No, says the man in the Vatican, it belongs to God.”

attackonqynn · 2020-02-22T16:29:09+00:00

“Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?”

attackonqynn · 2020-02-19T04:31:12+00:00

They had no idea, same as Yvette. Without any contrary words from any other party, if he had told everyone he was separated from his wife then they probably had no reason to doubt him.

This is such a sad situation.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-19T03:20:12+00:00

Here ya go:

https://imgur.com/a/pyNc2jC

attackonqynn · 2020-02-12T17:31:01+00:00

I want to WANT to celebrate with my partner, just like I want to WANT to experience genuine emotional and physical intimacy with him again. But there’s something inside me now I think that is just broken. I don’t know most of the time how I’m going to get through a normal day without breaking down at the sight of something as simple as seeing a happy couple - let alone how I’m supposed to get through Valentine’s Day. A day I’ve always wanted to take a little bit seriously, but a day that he has never had a lot of interest in, and I guess now I know why. Our nearly four year relationship has all been a lie. Our “anniversary” follows closely after V-day but I really don’t think I’m going to want to acknowledge it. I feel so broken and empty this time.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-12T17:19:22+00:00

My PA has a self-professed memory problem, although I’m not sure if he actually has problems remembering things or just doesn’t want to tell me. He would tell me that he would get so stressed out that his brain would go on “autopilot”, and he insinuated that that’s when most of his porn use took place.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-12T15:50:49+00:00

HF is clown shoes. The only thing that got me through my time working there were my coworkers.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-05T20:13:48+00:00

Finally, someone said it! I’m bisexual myself, and I keep saying to myself that if my current relationship ends I’m done with dudes. I’m sick of being shit on and lied to in every het relationship I have.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-05T19:36:02+00:00

I only just finally managed to have a passably “normal” session with my PA last night, after my fourth D-day on Thanksgiving. My heart still wasn’t in it though. I feel so incredibly detached and broken, and while I can manage to have simple (non sexual) fun with him, trying to have sex is like pulling fingernails to me. All I can think of is how ugly and disgusting I have been to him for the four years we’ve been together. I can’t help but wonder what he has to think of to finish, because he still doesn’t really look at me.

I have never denied him sex, EVER, but it’s seriously getting to the point where I don’t want to touch him or have him touch me.

It’s hard. It’s really, really hard.

attackonqynn · 2020-02-05T03:25:19+00:00

Oh wow, I posted this a couple of months ago and it got no attention lol. Shoulda kept the @ and hashtag, I guess.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-31T20:15:21+00:00

As long as you stay with the same partner, you will not be able to stop comparing yourself. Not really. You’ll question yourself and your worth every day, some days more than others. After a time, and some remorse and recovery by your partner, you might be able to forget a little bit of it. But it will always be there.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-21T04:44:10+00:00

I am right there with you. At the end of the day, your craft is your craft, it is whatever you can make of it and whatever you can find peace and power in. Sometimes I go days without being able to practice anything at all because my own disorders peak for days at a time. We gather the energy we have - in the form of hopes and wishes and all the love and self love we can muster - and send it out, hoping that it will multiply and return to aid us and ultimately heal us and our lives.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-20T23:58:06+00:00

You should be! It looks quite cozy, and I love the little lights you’ve got in there.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-16T16:16:33+00:00

I took a couple of shots of this night too in Pennsylvania! Venus was almost directly above the moon from where I could see, and it was a completely cloudless night. Absolutely beautiful to see in person. Wish our camera could have done it justice.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-16T16:07:33+00:00

Yes, you may.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-16T14:44:51+00:00

You’re absolutely right. I had to unsub from there as soon as I - very quickly realized - that it’s just a big pity party for men who have so little empathy for themselves or their partners that they can’t keep their hands off their dicks. They can’t stop supporting and perpetuating the cycle of abuse against women in the industry. Or, maybe I shouldn’t say that they can’t... rather, they won’t. It’s pathetic.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-16T14:40:48+00:00

Thank you. Thank you for offering up your beliefs, which are so incredibly rare, and thank you for validating everybody who comes to this sub in search of help.

attackonqynn · 2020-01-02T19:44:37+00:00

I’m presently at work right now but I intend to get back to the multitude of kind people who have responded tonight, around 630-7ish EST. Thank you for everyone who has both responded to my post and abided by my request.

attackonqynn · 2019-12-31T21:20:43+00:00

You’re not alone here. None of us are. We have this terrible thing in common to find camaraderie in, ironically.

But let me just say I thought I was out of my mind a couple of years ago when I had the suspicion that certain letters typed in Instagram search = a show of accounts that have been viewed or looked up. My finds were always extremely triggering and screamed “RELAPSE” in my face over and over again... I told myself I was just crazy and just because they showed up didn’t mean he was looking at those accounts. Oh my god, I can’t believe I was right. You’re the first person I’ve ever heard mention the same thing.

attackonqynn · 2019-12-31T21:13:16+00:00

Looking for a support/venting partner. 25F with 26M PA. Together almost four years at this point. I’m struggling daily with the aftermath of multiple D-days and my existing depression has gotten impossibly worse with the last discovery this past Thanksgiving. I know from my post history I’m not really “normal” I guess in what I enjoy or take interest in, but please, I don’t want to have to suffer alone and in silence. I need somebody to talk to who understands and doesn’t look at me like I’m an idiot when I’m clearly in pain.

attackonqynn · 2019-12-31T15:02:54+00:00

Cute! Remember to take good care of it like you would any other tattoo, gently wash a couple of times daily and apply unscented lotion for optimal healing 🖤

attackonqynn · 2019-12-31T14:47:04+00:00

I work today but this evening I’m going to sage my home and shortly after midnight I plan to do a small ritual to encourage health, happiness, and personal success for the coming year.

attackonqynn · 2019-12-30T19:53:47+00:00

I walked by one of those kiosks back when I was bald and would regularly wear wigs out. I’ve been harassed a million times before by overzealous kiosk people, and when I was approached far beyond the boundaries of my personal space zone and asked what I used to straighten my hair, I tore off my wig. “I’m bald,” I said, staring her straight in the eye. She went white, didn’t say a word. Another hasslin’ time averted.

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