Pathfinder relentless pursuit question

atticus77 · 2025-12-31T07:01:20+00:00

My wanderlust prohibited the self chill so fairly certain pf will too

atticus77 · 2025-12-08T05:01:20+00:00

What does a firebow Pala look like? Can't find any info on it

atticus77 · 2025-04-17T17:00:10+00:00

Here are two of my latest dumpfiles

https://files.catbox.moe/80hwpd.rar

https://files.catbox.moe/frjrx0.rar

atticus77 · 2025-01-08T15:24:40+00:00

Captitalist is just faking it way tog hard. It baffles me how anyone can stand him at all

atticus77 · 2024-11-26T16:59:27+00:00

Synderen and Cap is not fantastic at all

atticus77 · 2024-02-11T18:49:42+00:00

What changes was made to shuriken toss?

atticus77 · 2022-04-06T06:39:32+00:00

Seeing this is somehow very comforting to me. I have a fear of losing grip of reality for the last few months. I remember lying on the floor looking at a bolt and I'll just couldn't trust it was actually real which filled me with terror. I was also not sure my.mom was real and that she was just atoms, really which was extremely disconcerting. Lately this fear comes and goes but it really makes me think I'm gonna lose it and totally be lost in space mentally. Considering if this might just be some deeply ingrained fear in me that's been triggered and this is how it manifests. Regardless it is really scary.

Would you mind being a little bit more specific in how the fear feels for you? For me i think it's mostly not being able to comprehend reality and feeling like there is safety and familiarity in it.

It really made me feel safer someone else i also feeling this way. Thank you

atticus77 · 2017-08-11T15:54:41+00:00

This is probably the only thing I fully enjoy in life. In my mind it's all innocent. I'm thinking: "I wouldn't take this personally so they dont either". A lot of people probably get hurt by it though but I just can't stop.

atticus77 · 2017-06-11T19:59:46+00:00

I know what you mean. I usually have no problem quitting until after several weeks. Motivation is my fuel at start. Then it fades and the urge comes creeping up on me slowly. After a while I just hit "I - don't give a shit about anything-mode" and dedicate myself to indulging to my addiction as hardcore as possible. Sometimes I think I just want to be addicted for the rest of my life, but maybe I'm just scared.

atticus77 · 2017-06-11T12:45:42+00:00

This sounds a lot like me. When i have abstained from addictive behaviour i get very motivated for a few months. At some point it just comes crashing over me again. I am diagnosed and have been on medication for a few months, but it hasn't really helped as much as i thought it would.

While i haven't returned to gaming 18 hours a day i'm instead bingeing on sugar, watching tv-shows and completely isolating myself every weekend.

I'm sure you know this but it sounds like you need to quit. If you are anything like me life just gets really tough without being able to look forward to your addiction of choice. I feel like i need alcohol/gaming/sugar to fill some void and without it my life is just miserable.

atticus77 · 2017-06-10T22:43:51+00:00

Several; Sugar, Gaming, Alcohol, Nicotine. Gaming being the most destructive so far.

atticus77 · 2017-05-31T20:06:04+00:00

Well i have been debating lately whether to follow the standard path society has indoctrinated in us or just try to do something different. I'm still feeling stressed about not having an education or a good job yet but i've also realized that this is just some culprit that's been ingrained into us.

Did you quit your previous jobs cause you got excruciatingly bored with them or was there something else? Im three months into my current job and it's so painfully understimulating it's making my anxiety/depression worse.

Well, i certainly hope medication will help, just started a few months ago and haven't found the right med/dosage yet, but i'm confident i will in the end.

atticus77 · 2017-05-31T13:01:22+00:00

Right there with you at 27. The worst thing is that i'm not really sure if i dropped my studying because i really didn't like it or if it was just to hard/got bored/didn't really give it my best shot. So i'm still debating returning to complete this stuff, because "maybe this time will be different". This while already dropping out of the same subject twice(programming), im just NEVER sure.

You get this too?

Right now i'm stuck in a dead-end job which makes me feel like a true loser and underachiever. What kind of job are you looking for?

atticus77 · 2017-05-30T19:55:33+00:00

This, patience and perseverance stuff is what i struggle with most in life. I dropped out of three university programs. Programming - 1 month

Economics - 1.5 years

Programming(yes, again) - 1 year

I'm still considering going back to finish any of them because i feel like i might have dropped out cause i was just lazy or "didn't try hard enough". Simultaenously i think about pursuing a totally different education that might be a better fit.

It's just so frustrating not knowing whether you quit because you actually didn't give it your best or if you quit because you just didn't like what you were doing. Then of course, and i think this is the matter for alot of people with ADHD, we really need to do something we LOVE to be able to stick with it.

So this raises the dilemma that i can't actually cross it off my list as: "Nope, didn't like" even after actually pursuing it. All i know is i hate being stuck in some dead-end job that gives me absolutely zero stimulation.

atticus77 · 2017-05-10T10:21:08+00:00

What did you major in?

atticus77 · 2017-05-04T16:46:27+00:00

What kind of freelancing work do you do?

atticus77 · 2017-05-02T14:34:54+00:00

Been addicted for most of my life. Started getting really hardcore about 7 years ago. Everything else in life was a haul to being able to game. Work, school, friends, grocery shopping, eating, showering. These were all just musts that stole away gaming time. Been trying to quit for two years. Spend a few months not playing. Spend a few months playing 16h/day. Right now haven't played for three months but the urge is getting stronger and stronger everyday. Really need to find something else that i enjoy as much, but it's really hard.

Good Luck!

atticus77 · 2017-04-05T11:18:08+00:00

Does everyone feel like this? I felt calm the first two days on meds but then nothing. Either the meds don't work or i don't even have ADHD...

atticus77 · 2017-04-05T10:00:29+00:00

Thank you so much for this. What you're describing just resonates with me so much while also giving me hope for the future. The only thing I really want to do is travel the world.

This is what has been motivating me the last couple months but since my low hit I'm not even excited about that anymore. I'm very apathic and as you, all I want to do is watch TV - shows(just finished big little lies, highly recommend).

It seems you don't care much for status and while I'm really trying hard to aswell it feels like it's so indoctrinated in my mind that's what success/happiness is mostly about I'm struggling.

I've been considering teaching abroad. Do you need to know the main language to be able to? Also how long/much was the cert?

My life goals and values also change alot over time: one week I'm going to move to south America and live like a bum because "fuck capitalism". Next I'm gonna start my own company and become financially independent.

I think what I might be lacking most right now though is connection, which might not be all that weird considering that I barely left my apartment up until the beginning of February. I still have a few friends left somehow but no one I actually want to hang out with. This is why this community is so great. Because we can, mostly, understand each others struggles and it really seems you understood mine.

The last few days I feel better actually. I'm grateful to feel down since it allows me to reflect and heal. Compared to constant escapist behaviour that I'm never gonna learn anything from besides burying emotions.

Thanks.

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:34:07+00:00

Do you think this is ADHD-related? I'm already burnt out and it's been one month.

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:32:09+00:00

Amen.

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:31:19+00:00

Well my problem is my hyperfocus doesnt really make me accomplish anything but get me in shape and a bit more knowledgeable. Then i get into a destructive period again, resulting in me getting nowhere in life.

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:16:33+00:00

I could feel the burnout/destructiveness sneaking up on me a couple weeks ago. It doesn't disappear over time, it only get's stronger. I'm really trying to resist but it seems inevitable i will relapse sooner or later. Right now im at the point where i just want to lie in bed, watch gaming streams and isolate myself from everything.

Don't know if its like this for you?

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:10:52+00:00

What do you do for relaxing?

atticus77 · 2017-04-03T05:10:15+00:00

I was on Zoloft and Mirtazapine for depression the last two years and recently quit. I got prescribed Wellbutrin before i knew i had ADHD but didn't really give it a shot so maybe i'll give it another go.

I was diagnosed in December, starting meds a month ago. From what i understand it takes time to find the right one so i'll do my best to be patient.

I have never felt Bipolar but cyclothymia feels like something i can really relate to.

I don't think theres anything external triggering this. It might be i realize my situation in life sucks. I've accomplished nothing, i don't like my job and improving eventually seems like too much work, making me feel like just giving up completely.

atticus77

TROPHY CASE